A Career Woman and A Housewife

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Monday, March 14, 2005

Oh, what you do for your kids!

Chuck E. Cheese's, where a kid can be a kid! Y'all know how it goes! Sing it with me people....Chuck E. Cheese's, where a kid can be a kid! Ok, now that was fun! But, here's the part that not so funny to me: When parents take their children to Chuck E. Cheese they somehow mis-interpret that cute little jingle/slogan thingy into Chuck E. Cheese's, where a parent doesn't have to be a parent! Yeah, not so catchy and it definitely does not call for an encore. However, I believe that this is truly what the majority of American (and many not-so American) parents at Chuck E. Cheese actually think. I am proven right, every time I go to this nightmare of a devil's playground.
~It all started yesterday when a commercial for Chuck E. Cheese came on TV just as Big Daddy and I were trying to decide what to do with the girls for the day. Big Daddy looked at me with a twinkle in his eye and his child within said "I think Sophia is ready for Chuck E. Cheese!"

"Alrighty, that sounds like lots of stressful fun, let's go!"

(actually, my response was much more heartfelt and just as childlike as Big Daddy's, but the above is what I was subconsciously saying)

~So we drove around the parking lot for 15 minutes trying to find an empty parking space, this should have been the first clue that there would be many extra dumb-ass parents in there!

~We get inside and the non-english speaking hostess stamps us with the invisible ink stamp to ensure that none of the non-rule-abiding adults inside would steal our children. Good.

~As we walk inside this is what happened: Big Daddy goes to order our pizza. I wonder around looking for an empty booth, even though I'm paying more attention to the expression on Sophia's face as she sees Chuck E. Cheese for the first time, as I'm trying to hang on to Isabella's hand that is trying it's very best to wiggle away from me, all while being taken out at the knees buy little tricycle motors that have no sense of moving out of someone's way.
Nikki: "Ooh there's an empty one."
visual: (Housewife running as fast as she can while Isabella is flying in the air behind her.
Housewife throws Sophia into the booth before the new mother carrying her infant in a car carrier can get to the booth.)
Nikki:"Huh, got it"
New Mother Carrying Her Infant In A Car Carrier: "Shit!"
(Housewife thinks: "In your face bitch, you shouldn't have a 4 week old baby in this hell anyway. Amateurs, will they ever learn?!")

~After 2 tries, the waitress finally brings us the right pizza. My children are salivating because they have been teased with 2 pizzas before the right one came and the tokens are burning a hole in Isabella's pocket.

As we eat, I notice 4 Eye-Wincing scenarios:


  • There is this cute little ride that a child sits on like a bike. The child pedals the bike and the faster they pedal, the higher up in the air the bike goes. Fun. There is a little girl that cannot be older than 2 crawling onto the ride and situating herself directly under the rising bike that has a little boy on it and the little boy is clearly 20 pounds over-weight. The little boy is peddling his heart out and is perspiring. I am no genius, but this little boy will probably be out of energy very soon. In turn, when he stops peddling the bike will come sliding down the pole. Little girl will be crushed. Not Fun. Little girl has absolutely no parent in sight. I cannot bare to watch her get crushed. I will also not go over remove the little girl because I got yelled at by parent at a Chuck E. Cheese a few years ago for removing her crying child's hand from under a little boys foot in a ball pit. (Mental note to Housewife: Do not touch another person's child at Chuck E. Cheese no matter how life-threatening the situation may be.) So I closed my eyes and hoped for the best. Little girl may still be pinned under the flying bike. Not sure.
  • Over to the left, there is a little girl about 5 years old, she's winning this game like it's her job. She's got tickets flying out of the machine at her. Her face is jubilant. She's even doing a little butt wiggling victory dance. A little boy about 12 (that had no business being at Chuck E. Cheese) comes running by and snatches her tickets right out of the machine. Little girl bends down to claim her treasured prize of tickets that she worked so hard for. They are gone. Little girl's face turns long, she hangs her head and walks away. Housewife sticks her foot out and trips the12 year old boy, as he comes running by again. OOPS.
  • Behind them at the shoe rack outside of the ball pit, sits a little boy under the age of one. This little boy is taste-sampling the bottom of every shoe on the rack and sucking on their shoe laces. Again, no parent in sight. Hurl.
  • To the left of the shoe eating boy is group of 10 year olds playing air hockey. A little boy about the age of 7 walks by holding a cup full of tokens. The little boy trips and falls. His tokens spill everywhere. The group of 10 year olds, stop playing air hockey and bend down to pick up the tokens. How nice. Yes. Until they started putting the tokens into their own pockets, leaving the 7 year old crying on the floor with no tokens. Where are the parents?

SERIOUSLY PEOPLE! Parents in Chuck E. Cheese think "OK, my child has been stamped with invisible ink, no one will take it. My child is free to run around this establishment unsupervised because this is where a kid can be a kid." Then the subliminal message sinks into their brain..."oh, and I do not have to a parent, I do not have to watch my child, I can let it run around like an untamed beast, I can let it steal, be squashed, eat dirt and stalk strange people."

Now we are done eating, it is time to send me my sweet little girls into the hellish playground. Big Daddy helped them play the games while I stood guard of the tickets. I will trip another boy if I see fit.

After a while I noticed that there is a little girl, probably 9 years old, following us. Hmmm. She is standing so close to me I could smell the cinnamon on her breath. We move to another game. Again, right behind me. What is going on? Apparently she is now my Phantom Child. She will not leave me alone. She does not talk to me. Thank God. She just insist on following me and my family everywhere. Standing so close that I could not move without bumping into her. My patience were running very thin. My moves became very sudden and fast so that when I bumped into her, she would stumble. I even elbowed her a few times. She still followed me. We moved away from her about 15 times, she still followed. When I couldn't take it any longer, we went over to The Ticket Muncher to add up our tickets. My Phantom Child was standing so close to us that she was in Sophia's way of watching Isabella feed her tickets to the Muncher. My Phantom Child followed us to the prize counter and watched my children pick out every toy. Why was she doing this? I have no idea. Where were her parents? Not a clue.

So we go to leave. I pull up my children's sleeves to ensure a clear reading of the invisible ink stamps under the black light, so that I will not have any problems with the non-english speaking hostess at the door. That bitch didn't even look at me or the stamps. She opened the gate and waved us through. I stood there. Big Daddy said " Go, Nik." I wanted that bitch to look at our stamps. Why wasn't she looking at our stamps? Why did she even stamp us, if she wasn't gonna check them when we left? Anyone could have taken my children! Look at my stamp, Bitch! Finally, I get shoved through the gate by Big Daddy. He's pushing me all the way to the car. I keep trying to turn around and go back into Chuck E. Cheese to make the non-english speaking hostess bitch look at my stamp! Look at the goddamn stamp! Whatever. I'm pissed.

So we get in the car. I do a thorough inspection of the car to make sure my Phantom Child did not follow us. Because she very well could have, being that the non-english speaking hostess bitch did not look at our STAMPS!

At least I got some really cute pictures of my sweethearts AND I could post more than one since I learned a trick from Erin's blog comments! YEY!

Ok, I just lied to you, I can't post them, something is wrong and I don't feel like figuring it out right now...I'll post pictures later.

-Housewife

9 Comments:

  • At 10:05 AM, Blogger Doug said…

    I thought this was great. I'm 28 and have 3 girls (7, 4, 1) and have been to Chuck E. Cheese a number of times (Tip: best time to go is on Christmas Eve since there is almost no one there). My wife and I follow our kids around like shadows because of many of the scenarios you mentioned. The funny thing is I'm more worried about the 7 year old. My 4 year old dropped her cup and some older kid started taking her tokens and before I could step in (beleive me I will get into a fight with some obnoxious parent over thier bratty ass kid), my 4 year old slugged this kid twice her age and size in the stomach twice and took his tokens. I calmly walked away and played more games leaving the big kid crying over the fact that a 4 year old girl beat him up.

     
  • At 11:51 AM, Blogger A Career Woman and A Housewife said…

    Thanks, Doug! We love when our readers post comments! It sounds like your 4 year old ROCKS! I would have been so proud of her! It also sounds like there needs to be more parents like you at Chuck E. Cheese!
    -Housewife

     
  • At 1:40 PM, Blogger kpac4smiles said…

    Nikki~
    You are so cute! I was laughing so hard at your descriptions. Tell me again why you aren't a professional writter? You should write a children's book! You'd be perfect! Thanks for making me laugh this afternoon!
    Love ya!

     
  • At 7:12 PM, Blogger Erin said…

    oh god. that place is GROSS. i used to take kids i nannied for, cause they loved it.
    my friend in junior high used to go there for every birthday and for four years i went with her, and it was funny to see teenagers in there, but all we did was the whack-a-mole and the garbage can ball thing. we always gave our tickets away though (we were nice enough for that) cause we thought the prizes were stupid...

     
  • At 5:21 AM, Blogger A Career Woman and A Housewife said…

    Aw I thoroughly enjoyed this story. And I miss my girls. Gram had emergency surgery yesterday so I wasn't even at work to post, but great story Nik! Post some Pics!

    Love ya,
    Career Woman

     
  • At 8:30 AM, Blogger A Career Woman and A Housewife said…

    I just wanted to post another comment stating that this is the 2nd time I read this story because it is absolutely hilarious - and I need some humor in these sad days. So now I believe that I am going to go read our open letters to our anonymous person, b/c they always put a smile on my face. Oh and in case you haven't seen - apparently the "dirty south" posted a comment on the random advice from last night - kinda mean, hurt my feelings :(
    Career Woman

     
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