A Career Woman and A Housewife

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Thursday, March 17, 2005

Today's Thoughts

Here are some thoughts I've had thus far today:
~This morning as I began to pump my moisturizer out of it's bottle, the pump's spout busted right off into my hand. Bummer.

~I went into the kitchen to begin my morning ritual of unloading the dishwasher and when I pulled the bottom rack out, it flew right off it's track and onto the floor. Shit.

~I opened my linen closet to put away some towels, the closet door handle pulled loose. What the hell?

~This afternoon I went to pour myself a glass of water and the ice cube tray snapped in half as I tried to get my ice out. Spooky.

I have either woke up this morning with phenomenal cosmic powers or God is trying to tell me something. I'm banking on the phenomenal cosmic powers. I have done nothing that would call for spiritual communication. That I know of.


Career Woman called me today. After we got off the phone, something occurred to me:

~A normal conversation between the two of us, about 7 years ago, would have gone something like this:

Morgan: Hey Skank.
Nikki: What's up Bitch?
Morgan: Not much. Paintin' my nails. You?
Nikki: Eatin' Pizza Joe's
Morgan: Mmmmm
Nikki: Whatcha wearin' to school tomorrow?
Morgan: Probably that outfit that I got when we went to the mall yesterday.

Nikki: Cute. Can I borrow your blue Express shirt?
Morgan: Yep. Come over.
Nikki: K, remind me to get my earrings off of you, they'll match that shirt.
Morgan: Ooh yeah, you'll look hot.
Nikki: I know, I'll be over in a sec.
Morgan: See ya.
Nikki: Later, Skankest.

The conversation we had today went like this:

Nikki: Hello
Morgan: Hey, skank.
Nikki: What's going on, skank.
Morgan: Bored at work (snort) You?
Nikki: Making some lunch for the girls.
Morgan: My throat hurts.
Nikki: Yeah, you sound like shit.
Morgan: Oh, I made a new post today.
Nikki: Ooh, I'll have to check it out.
Morgan: I went back and read your Chuck E. Cheese post and then our letters to our Anonymous Reader, they make me laugh.
Nikki: I know, they're good.
Morgan: Alright, well make a new post, it's been a few days.
Nikki: Ok.
Morgan: Call me later
Nikki: K, bye.

My thought is this: Somehow my care-free, fabulous life has morphed into the above. How? Why? I should be able to be 20-something, married, have children and still be fabulous. Right? There are days that I'm lucky if I get out of my PJs (this should seriously be in Confessions of a Housewife), I'm super lucky if make-up touches my face, and I am most fortunate to shower 2 days in a row. There is no ethical reason for this blasphemy!

Just because I live 600 miles away from ANYONE who might stop over my house unexpected, does not mean I shouldn't fix myself. Just because I live 600 miles away from ANYONE that might call me to go out, on the spare of the moment, does not mean I shouldn't have gotten dressed. Even if SOMEONE did call me, it's not like I could go because all of my babysitters live 600 miles away from me!

So I'm going to make a promise to myself. I am not going to make myself look all hot, only when I go out into public. I will grace Big Daddy and my children with my illuminating beauty, everyday, for no reason. I will get up early and shower, while the kids are still sleeping. I will put on my make-up, in the dark (if need be). I will dress myself in the prettiest of all fashions, as my children eat breakfast. I will even wear jewelry! And when I am done....my daughters will not know who I am. They will wonder who this embellished woman is. They will stare at me in awe. And listen to every word I say. The world will be a better place!

Then they will catch on and realize that it's just Mommy.

I will soon smell like Spaghetti O's, and defeat the whole purpose of my shower. My make-up will be washed off by the splashes they will make in the bathtub. Sophia will pull my earrings out of my holes and break the chain of my necklace. Isabella will surely spill something on my clothes and ruin them. My hair will inevitably end up in a messy bun ontop of my head because I cannot clean my house with it in my face. Big Daddy will never see the great effort I made to make myself look pretty because I will be the smelly blob of poo that he's used to coming home to.

POOOOOOOOOOFFFF! There goes that idea.

Does anyone have any suggestions for me? I'll try anything at least once!


That's as far as my deep, genius-like thoughts went today. But maybe now that I have awoke with phenomenal cosmic powers, I can do something about all of the frumpy housewives in the universe! Maybe.

-Housewife

10 Comments:

  • At 3:29 PM, Blogger Erin said…

    do your darling little children take naps?
    you could put all getting ready while they take an afternoon/late morning nap and then you would be less of a blog when big daddy comes home...
    just an idea.
    if they don't take naps, well you should make them and tell them that in 15 years, they will be begging to take an afternoon nap.

     
  • At 7:41 PM, Blogger A Career Woman and A Housewife said…

    Erin,
    If only it were that easy.
    Yes, they used to take naps and I would use that time to do things like, sleep too. But now, I don't allow them to nap in the day (at least I try not to let them) so that they will fall asleep early and not stay up so darn late. That would eliminate my need to nap in the day as well.
    And just so you know, in 15 years I will be as loud as possible while they're napping (paybacks a bitch).
    But perhaps I will take your advice, if they do fall asleep for a nap tomorrow, I will get all pretty and try really hard to stay that way for Big Daddy. One of two things may happen...I might look so sexy when Big Daddy gets home that he will think he has walked into the wrong house, or I will turn into the smell blob of poo anyway and fall asleep really early, leaving Big Daddy up all night with the kids by himself. Not so sure which one he'd prefer.
    Thanks for the advice.
    Much bloggy love for you!
    -Housewife

     
  • At 7:52 PM, Blogger Rachael said…

    Hmm, I don't know what to tell you. I simply wake up beautiful ;) yeah right. Perhaps sleeping pills in their juice?

     
  • At 5:15 AM, Blogger A Career Woman and A Housewife said…

    I like the sleeping pills in their juice...haha, however Big Daddy thinks your sexy when you smell like poo and are dirty with greasy hair, b/c he's used to it for one (haha) and duh! You're pretty regardless!
    -Career Woman

     
  • At 5:15 AM, Blogger A Career Woman and A Housewife said…

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

     
  • At 5:18 AM, Blogger A Career Woman and A Housewife said…

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

     
  • At 6:14 AM, Blogger Erin said…

    speaking of sleeping pills in juice...
    whenever we would take a vacation, we would always drive and by some miracle of god, my sister and i would 'always develop a cold and need benedryl' and that way my parents wouldn't have to deal with us on the way down...
    and if we did wake up? my mom would give us each a roll of cheap tape..so its just barely sticky but still more fun than a barrel of monkeys. it wouldn't stick to the car, and barely to eachother..i swear we were occupied for hours.

     
  • At 7:48 PM, Blogger A Career Woman and A Housewife said…

    OMG, What is is it with kids and tape? Isabella actually plots to steal my tape from my scrapbook supplies just so she could play with it. Unbelievable!
    I think we may be on to something girls...we may have just solved the mystery of children...Give them tape and they will be good!
    I'm giving an economy size package of tape to the mommy-to-be at the next baby shower I go to...I'll be a hit! LOL
    -Housewife

     
  • At 2:37 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

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  • At 8:13 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

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