A Career Woman and A Housewife

Here's the deal, this our blog... This is where we come to write about our lives. The Good. The Bad. The Ugly. And of course, The Beautiful. We welcome anyone to come on in, take a look around and have a few laughs. Nothing makes us happier than nice comments and finding a new BLOG friend. If you can't handle what we have to say, just leave quietly and pretend you've never been here...We will retaliate.

Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Spring

Today, for the first time this year, I loved Spring. Why? It stopped raining just long enough for me to take a nice long look at it without glaring through my windshield wipers, peeping out from under the brim of an umbrella or peering longed face through my rain-spotted bedroom window thinking "for the love of god make it stop!" Then it drizzled, but hey I got to enjoy it for a little while. Now everything is green and fresh and new. So I'll share with you a few things I did when it stopped raining now and then over the past few days. And I'll share my pretty green pictures.

Sunday: Big Daddy took the girls out to our pond to play with his remote control boat.....


Please take note of the pond SCUM in our pond.
I'll blame that on the rain, whether that makes sense or not.
Remote Control Boat + Pond Scum = Stationary Remote Control Boat (also 2 disappointed little girls)

Well Daddy cannot not stand to see long faces on his little sweethearts so we loaded up and headed off to Daddy's Work.
The pond at Daddy's work was much more Remote Control Boat Friendly.........

It was a fight for the remote! And maybe for just a moment Big Daddy didn't wish he had a son and was quite OK with his Remote Fevered little girls.




Remote Control Boat + Clear Pond = Happy Sophia

So while we were there and before the Thunderstorm was due, we took a walk around the Golf Course. This actually became a nature walk......

See the deer between the trees...She stood there and watched us watching her for a while, she ate a little more and then made the girls giggle when she went leaping back into the woods with her little white tail straight up in the air.

I little further down we stopped along a wooden bridge that was built over the conservation land that the Golf Course is built around and spotted quite a few little froggies splashing around in the water........


We could feel rain drops every now and then (at least in between the mosquito bites) so we headed back up to the Explorer. On the way Big Daddy spotted these.....

We watched a whole line of them crawl down the trunk of the tree weaving a white line "whatever it is they make" along behind them. Quite interesting.

We made it home just in time to watch the Thunderstorm (my favorite part of spring.)Big Daddy and I snuggled on the couch and watched The Notebook. We both cried. Hard. Went to sleep holding hands. And woke up the next morning, in the same position.

Monday: Boring. Depressing. Lonely. Raining. That's all I'll say.

Tuesday: Isabella's last day of dance class for the year. Another nice thing about spring: The end to all things that are scheduled in my life. So a few of us went to Kimball's for Ice Cream to celebrate!

Her recital is Sunday and my Mom, Dad and Sister are all coming up from PA YEY!

Then this afternoon as I sat on my porch a family of Geese came waddling by.....

This made me smile. Your smiling too, aren't ya?

Oh and see the Wild White Rose at the top left of the picture, it's now in a vase in my kitchen making my house smell really pretty........

You know what else is making my house smell pretty? These lilacs that Big Daddy picked for me at work and brought home to me on Saturday all wrapped up in a wet paper towel...Hand picked lilacs from my Big Daddy, that's enough to make me love Spring!


-Housewife

Absent

Have you missed me???? Well, I've missed myself in this blogosphere but am so proud of Housewife for taking charge and gaining us new bloggy friends, and another open letter, I won't ask the question again, but it IS christmas in May. What is better than a good open letter from my Housewife when I have been absent and without internet access for four whole days?! Nothing, I tell ya.

But our commenting number has skyrocketed! Cheers to all of you for stopping by, and we will for surely visit each one of your sites very soon. It is definately going to take me a while to catch up on all my reading and commenting, but I will... and that's a Career Woman promise. However, let me explain to you where I have been and what I have been doing for the last four days...

As most of you know, come this friday, I will be un-employed, which isn't so bad now that I think of it, because before I start my new job - I'll have a lot of time to do some good wedding planning, school work, and duh - tanning. So I decided that in such a case, I should take a vacation day last friday so I did. Pumpkinface's sister and I went bridesmaid dress shopping on Friday. I dropped $200 on that dress - but well worth it, because I will look gorgeous! :) On Saturday morning, I went dress shopping with K-Pac for her bridesmaid dress - another $200, but again, very well worth it because I love her and our weddings, and our dresses. I will look absolutely stunning in aqua - this I know, for sure.

Saturday night was Rascal Flatts!!!!!!!!!!!!!! For those of you who are new to us, I love myself some Rascal Flatts. Pumpkinface surprised me with tickets a couple months ago and took the day off work - just to make me happy to squeeme over my boys. Does he love me or what? When I got back from dress shopping, Pumpkinface, me, Jamie, and Eric and Eric's cousin and brother and his girlfriend (phew - I am tired from typing all that), we went shopping for grub and alcohol and off to the concert we went. Well for those of you who were familiar with the North East this weekend - it was a parade of rain and downpours. This is not good weather for tailgating and lawn seats at a concert. We tailgated in the car and then decided to leave the concert. Well lets just say that it was NOT up to me to leave the concert, but nobody wanted to stay in the rain. I, on the other hand, would survive an F 10 tornado for my Rascal Flatts, but it was like 5 to 1, so I lost out. So we left and where did we drive an hour to, but Mountaineer Racetrack and Casino.

On our way to Mountaineer the skies were turning bluer and bluer, and we know that this weather was going to be going straight to the concert. We made a decision that after a half and hour at the casino and the weather was still clear, we'd turn around and make it back to the concert for Rascal Flatts to come on at 9:15. Let's just say that a half an hour later and $100 in the hole between four of us, the sun was shining and we hauled ass outta West Virginia and back to PA. The whole way back, we danced. And sang. And drank. (illegal I know). And made it back to the concert in record timing just to catch the second song. When I explain to you that I ran, dragging Pumpkinface and others through the graveled parking lot, into the amphitheatre - I mean this girl RAN. But we had a blast. Pumpkinface and I danced, and sang, and canoodled (my word for cuddling).

Sunday and Monday were fun-filled days of Memorial Day picnics. There was card playing and family fun game night at my house playing Monopoly for 3.5 hours. I, for one, have never played a game of Monopoly until last night in life. (and I never ate Spaghetti-o's until 5 months ago - was I deprived). Pumpkinface, me, and my family had the best. time. ever. And leads me up to today - back at work, for three more days, blogging and catching up. I promise a fun-filled post with lots of pictures (once I get the camera) and maybe even an open letter if you are lucky is sure to follow in the days/hours ahead. Again, I've missed you all, it's good to be back!
-Career Woman

Monday, May 30, 2005

Maybe Later

Well, I had all kinds of stuff to tell you but my computer hates me today and refuses to cooperate and now I'm bummed and don't feel like writing about it. Speaking of BUMmed, I'll at least leave you with a cute picture that will make you smile (and make my daughters hate me in about 10 years.)

Posted by Hello

-Housewife

Friday, May 27, 2005

A Few Shout Outs

First of all I want to say Happy Memorial Day Weekend to all you great people out there! The sun is finally shining on New England after 5 long dreary days and guess what? Big Daddy has to work All. Weekend. Long. That means that little ole Housewife and her children will be celebrating Memorial All. By. Ourselves. No family. No friends. No Big Daddy. But there is no time to be sad for me people...Oh no...You have lots of wonderful people to go visit in the blogging world today...Yes you do.....................

Since I'll be pretty much glued to computer for the next three days, as I usually do when I'm in dire need of adult human affection (hey I take what I can get, ) I'll be participating in Michele's Meet N' Greet more times than many of you would like me to this weekend.

And because I figured that new and old people will be visiting here I'd like to give a few shout outs to some blogs that I have come across lately so that you can go enjoy them too! Fun.

You have visit Slacker Cafe. It's a brand spanking new blog so you only have a few short post to read and then your all caught up and ready to follow the life of Meier Queen. If you enjoy A Career Woman and A Housewife, you will surely enjoy Slacker Cafe. All the rants with a twist of heart. Go on over and wish her Happy Birthday!

Now most of you may already know and love Vegemite at day in the life of vegemite in a jar and if you don't then stop on over there and fall in love with Vegemite's adorable aussie cheer and you HAVE to participate in "The Challenge" it's hilarious! She is going to write a themed story by using all the quoted sentences that you leave in her comments. Follow her directions and be creative...this should be a great to read when it's all over...but hurry she only has it open until 5-30 -05 Aussie time!

And last but not least...go on over and see Erin at Calling This Home. Erin has 2 funny open letters for you and a third open letter that I'd like to direct your attention to. Give Erin your thoughts on her situation, I'll be checking back there and reading them too cause I'm interested to know how many of you would handle this. As a mother, it's crazy for me to think that a person could be so ungrateful...So of course...when my feathers are ruffled...You know what I do.....

An Open Letter to the Ungrateful Squawk From Podunk That Made My Friend Cry
(A Letter of Outrage I voluntarily wrote to defend my friends honor)

Dear Ungrateful Squawk From Podunk That Made My Friend Cry,

It has been brought to my attention that you have taken a good friend of mine for granted. And may I remind you that she has been nothing but beneficial to you for the past 7 years. There was a time, Ungrateful Squawk, that you sincerely appreciated what Erin has done for you. I know this simply from your actions of making a room in your home for her and including her in your family photos. Erin, has embraced your family with open arms in return, caring for your children as if they were her own and putting her own schedule aside to accommodate you and your life. These are qualities that are often sought after but rarely found in a nanny and with Erin you have truly struck gold. As a mother, this is something that you hold onto and cherish for as long as you can. Erin has not only provided love and attention for your children when your not able to, but she has also been there for YOU as a friend when you needed help with cleaning.

This is where you become the Ungrateful Squawk. Instead of commending Erin for her unbelievably loyal and admirable services, you choose to belittle her and embarrass her infront of your friends. Stating things such as "Oh that's just 'the help' " and "Well, I guess it's time to get a nanny-cam" are not good ways to show your gratitude. Let me let you in on a little secret, Ungrateful Squawk, those who choose put other down in order to make themselves look better ARE ASSHOLES. Got it. Good.

And here is the kicker and also the part where you become not only the Ungrateful Squawk, but the Ungrateful Squawk From Podunk. It is known that you came from NOTHING. It is also known that you now live lavishly off of your drunken husband's money. I have nothing against people that have gone from rags to riches... This is a situation I pray that most people from Podunk find themselves in at sometime in their life. But YOU, Ungrateful Squawk From Podunk, don't seem to realize your luck and you are shitting on it. You are blessed to be able to live in a brand new $1 Million home, you are blessed to be able to run around with your friends all day and you are blessed that you have a person such as Erin to leave your children with as you run around frivoloulsy and leave even your friend's obnoxious children for your nanny to watch and you only PAY HER $7 an hour when lord knows you could afford to pay her more. I could just spit on you.

Not only have you been treating Erin like shit but your children are so out of control (presumably from the fact that they have such an ungrateful, selfish mother) that they abuse Erin by kicking and scratching her and you DO NOTHING about it. Wow, you are just a gem!

This has understandably hurt Erin's feelings and she is such a great person that she left the room to cry and hide her hurt feelings rather than tear you a new asshole infront of your stupid little friend... And that makes you the Ungrateful Squawk From Podunk That Made My Friend Cry.

Someday life will come back to bit you in the ass, Ungrateful Squawk. You are a disgrace to every mother that wishes she had such freedom as you. And on behalf of all those mothers I like to say "F#CK YOU."

Sincerely
-Housewife


OK, so don't forget to go visit these people and Have a Fun-Filled Weekend!

-Housewife

Thursday, May 26, 2005

WARNING (beep, beep) WARNING!!

We would like to direct your attention to the top of your computer screen. It seems only fair to provide some sort of declaration to advise those opinionated people out there of what exactly A Career Woman and a Housewife are capable of (please see the declaration under the title, thank you.) This little tit-bit of information has been provided for your own safety. Please read it carefully (it has been censored, as to not scare away unsuspecting readers.)

You see, A Career Woman and A Housewife are really just a couple of fun-loving girls that like to have a good time, and for the most part, we post about normal day to day happenings about our lives. Sometimes, things happen that piss us off and you can bet that we'll post about that too. Here, is where some people out there have a problem. Everything you read at A Career Woman and a Housewife is NOT Peaches and Cream. Get over it. Your sense of humor is required here. And in case no one has noticed yet, we thrive on belittling those people that have opinions that are not in our favor. Call it childish. Call bitchiness. Call it a personality quirk. Call it what you want. We call it "this is our blog and we'll get pissed at whatever we want to get pissed at."

Most often when something makes us irate, we will address the matter with our typical "Open Letter." These have become quite popular over the past few months that we've had this blog and it has recently been taken to the next level "Open Letters by Request." Well we think this is just wonderful! A Win/Win situation for all. We get to be mean, readers get to laugh and the person that requested the letter suddenly feels better because of our tight-fisted, bad-tempered, shameless writings. Cheap thrills and guilty pleasures...if these are the only things we do wrong in this world then good for us! Besides, it's not like we would actually say to this stuff to the person's face or anything, oh no, we are much better than that...any matter would be handled in a mature manor of course...That's the beauty of the blogging business, we get to express all of our nastiness and childishness in a fantasy world...some people are not grown up enough to realize this and there for we have, what we like to call here "The Opinionated Assholes." And in honor of this we are going to start "The Opinionated Assholes Hall of Fame."

We're still in the early stages of what this may become, but perhaps one day people will come near and far to see what kind of asinine comments A Career Woman and A Housewife got for defending our children at the playground to filling requests by loyal readers.

Let's take a walk down memory lane......

I'm taking you back to February 19th 2005, what a historical day it was!...A Career Woman and A Housewife received their very first piece of hate mail by the infamous "Anonymous Person."
This triggered the very first Open Letters CW's and HW's. We regret to inform you that back then we didn't know any better and the Anonymous Person's comments were deleted...This was before we realized that it would be MUCH MORE FUN to leave these comments for everyone to see.

Sometimes "The Opinionated Assholes" misinterpret what it is that we are trying to say like on April 19th 2005 when Kaiser gave his/her comment that triggered both an Open Letter and what we like to call "Conspiracy Commenting."

April 24th 2005 I'll direct your attention to another "Opinionated Asshole" City High who felt it was necessary to be contemptible by voicing his/her feelings about a post that was simply detailing CW's weekend. This was handled with "Conspiracy Commenting" only, which is always just as effective.

And today, May 26th 2005 I give to you our latest "Opinionated Asshole," Alexa. Alexa is responsible for triggering our declaration at the top of your screen. As our 4th official "Opinionated Asshole" she made it very clear to A Career Woman and A Housewife that "The Opinionated Assholes Hall of Fame" was definitely in order.

So instead of writing "An Open Letter to the Opinionated Asshole That Tried to Sugar-Coat Her Asinine Comment" (aka Alexa) we will leave it at this...(unless we have requests for "An Open Letter to the Opinionated Asshole That Tried to Sugar-Coat Her Asinine Comment" that is.) And Alexa will always be known as "The Opinionated Asshole that Sparked the Idea for The Opinionated Assholes Hall of Fame," surely a title that any well-suited person would be obliged to have.

So..................................

Do you have any "Opinionated Assholes" at your blog that you'd like to tell us about, perhaps have us add to our Hall of Fame? Tell us about it.

Have any of your "Opinionated Assholes" actually left a blog name or e-mail address for you to respond to? We haven't had the privilege.

Do you have any special request for an Open Letter? We'd love to know.

Or if you just want to be one of those nice and friendly commenters that we love so much because we're not forced to get our panties in a bunch over you, let's hear from ya!

-Housewife

By Request

I was emailed earlier this afternoon by a certain someone who asked if A Career Woman and a Housewife take blog requests. Well we sure do Kiddies, so this certain someone asked me to write an Open Letter to her sister-in-law. You might be questioning, why her sister-in-law. Well she has a very good reason to put in a request to a Career Woman and Housewife, because we all know how we take out people who double-cross us. It will become blatantly obvious that not only has this sister-in-law from hell double-crossed a good friend of mine, but she double-crossed me. As is obvious, nobody, EVER, gets away with this without some hateration, and... an Open Letter. Therefore....

An Open Letter to the Cucky-Faced Sister-In-Law of My K-Pac Whose Name We Won't Post, but it rhymes with "Taimee":

First off, I would just like to say that you are cucky-faced for a variety of reasons. I chose the term "cucky-faced" for a couple of reasons, one being that you are two-faced bitch, and two, that it is cucky. First I will provide our commentators regarding this letter addressed to you, Cucky-Face with why you are receiving an open letter for the hell you've put my K Pac through. Numero Uno, you are a shitty matron-of-honor to my dearest friend because you lie about the bride, her maid-of-honor, and her family. (i.e. your in-laws). You have forced us to change and alter the color of your race, because you are not white, you are GREEN with envy of A Career Woman and her K-Pac. (I should also state that your green skin tone will not go well with her choice of bridesmaid dresses - that should be enough reason to cut you from the list initially). "Taimee," let me describe to you, your matron-of-honor duties because I believe you have been misled. Number 1, you are supposed to be a good friend, relative, dog, whatever to the bride. You have failed miserably at number one. You have attempted to get her mad at me, her maid-of-honor and her family. Number 2, you are supposed to offer support to the bride and groom and their marriage. Again, Taimee, a miserable attempt has been made to cause friction in the bridal party."Friction" can not be erased changed to "support." Different defintions - let's read up on that, k? Number 3, you are supposed to be happy for the bride, who is your sister-in-law, and again, I do not consider jealously, rage, and envy to fall under Number 3's classification. Another miserable attempt - I hope you aren't this good at your job - sheesh. Please study this this evening because I am all out of lessons for today.

Now on to why you have pissed me off. I do not like getting a phone call from one of my best friends concerned that I have said something negative about them, their wedding, or their family. Especially while I am perched on my bed with snot running down my nose and a slight fever. I like to talk about happy thoughts, such as flowers, weddings, puppies, babies, and your demise. I also do not appreciate your poor attempt to cause me to believe that my future mother-in-law is talking smack. See you made a mistake "Taimee" when you "repeated" what you "heard," because you are obviously not very familar with A Career Woman and a Housewife's blog. If we feel as though we are being personally attacked, we will chew you up, and spit you right back out, then people will comment on what an ass you are. Here, it turns out that the negative, false accusations that you have made regarding the demeanor of myself and my future mother-in-law has been discrete definations and explanations for the jealous, envious behavior. Look, we know we are pretty and your face is cucky. We know that your husband would rather sleep with a dog with mange he picked up on Grant Street in the ghetto than your skinny, cucky-faced, freckled body, but DO NOT personally attack me, my future family, or my best friend. Do not challenge us, you will lose. Just stay envious of us - get some pointers, and fix your own life. Ours are just fine without your assine input. I appreciate your concern. I can also appreciate you playing our game. But you lost.

Sincerely,
Career Woman

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Can you click on Unemployed and a Housewife?

Well, it just keeps gettin' better...

Ya, so I lost my job. Yep, you read right. And don't all go and get "good for you for blogging all the time" on me, because I wasn't fired, instead they ran out of money on the grant I am on, meaning, no money to pay me, meaning, I'm not working for them anymore after next friday, June 3. But don't just feel bad for me, they're shitcanning two attorneys too - nah, just feel bad for me. So anyways, what 'oh what should we name this blog now? A LowLife and a Housewife? Unemployed and Houswife? Ex-Apprentice and Housewife? "You're fired" and A Housewife? How about "Eat Shit 'n Die" and a Housewife?

Well guess what, we aren't changing the name! Because I just figure that by the grace of God, something should open up for me - afterall, I am college educated and will have my master's in less than one year. So I should be cut some slack any day now, wouldn't you think? Yeah, you would think. But I really don't live in the metropolis of greater opportunities. So having a college degree in N.C. really doesn't mean much. Sad...I know.

So the moral of the story - I. Am. Bummed. At least I will be getting a camera and that can fill up some space until I find myself a Big Girl Job - rather than wasting all your tax dollars on unemployment (I promise I won't do it for long - I'm sure I'd be getting hate mail for this). Hey, someone should make blogging a career - I'd make millions! Or maybe if American Idol called me up and asked me to be the fourth judge, that would be grand! But that just isn't how the real world works. Sadly enough, I am going to have to job hunt - again. Fill out applications, send out a million resumes and beg and plead for a position to probably make like $3 an hour doing something I hate just to pay for my insurance so I can get allergy pills so I don't die or take an attempt at my life.

So now, because I am pissed, I don't plan on working much for the next week and a half. Nah, i think I'll blog, take some paid time off, and suck this county for every penny I am worth. Now, perhaps I can spend some time getting over this terrible flu I have, finishing some school work, and fighting with the bug-eyed bitch on my down time. Hey, I just had a thought, maybe my boss read my "Things That Have Annoyed Me In The Last 24 Hours" post yesterday and thought I needed a break. Ha, wouldn't that be funny? (Probably not).

I am going to go clean off my desk, take down some pictures of my favorite people hung all over my office and read some more blogs - sound like a plan?
-Career Woman (oh how it pains me to type that!)

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Who Ordered the Rain?

For some reason the sky has decided to open up and crap on New England and by the looks of things it will continue to crap for the rest of the week. Haven't we been punished enough by this obnoxious precipitation all winter? Give us a break already! My Family Fun Sundays have been obsolete because of it and I can't deal with it anymore!

Because I have a burning itch to go places new and exciting all the time and because my Sundays have been shot to hell I decided that I WILL NOT let this rain stop me anymore.
So as I get that wild hair up my ass now and then, I decided SO WHAT IF IT'S RAINING, I'm going to Maine (wild hair in ass has prevented me from thinking rational and realizing that Maine is on the sea coast and the winds tend to be stronger and that we are in fact in the midst of a potential Noreaster.)

So what does all this mean? This means that Housewife has drove an hour in the rain to stand on the (Beautiful) rocky shores of Maine and get slammed in the face by Gale Force driven rain pellets. This also means that I have 2 terrified and potentially scarred for life toddlers sitting in the car crying because they think the "The Big Puddle" (read: Ocean) is going to swallow Mommy because she JUST HAS TO GET PICTURES OF THE PRETTY LIGHTHOUSE. This also could mean that I no longer have a non-hypocritical reason to laugh at the weather man and call him stupid as he stands in the midst of a hurricane reporting the news to me. Damn. On a brighter note, this also means that Housewife has sacrificed her life to give you pretty pictures of Maine. That's how much I love you people. Enjoy!
The place I couldn't resist taking a picture of "Russell's Lobsters Fresh off the Boat" Posted by Hello
The face says it ALL Posted by Hello
York Sea Coast, Maine Posted by Hello
The storm that almost killed Housewife Posted by Hello
Cape Neddick ("Nubble") Lighthouse built in 1879 Posted by Hello

Things That Have Annoyed Me In The Last 24 Hours

Well aren't I just a great big ball of sunshine today? False. Did anybody else ever just have one of those days where every person, animal, or object has found some way to annoy the shit out of you? Is today one of those days for you? Well...it is for me, and if it isn't for you, I am probably easily-enough annoyed for the universe today. Below, I have compiled a list of things that have annoyed me, ticked my trigger, lighted my torch, in the last 24 hours:

1. Mucus in my throat. I am annoyed by this, so annoyed, that I have even written a letter to the mucus in my throat. Why is it there?....still? It makes my stomach hurt and that's another annoyance in itself.
2. My stomach as hurt me for 5 days now - for five days, I have had diarrehea. Is that a long time? Because on my watch, it is. But I find it hard to go to the potty at work, because:
3. In the woman's restroom, there is chew (snuff, tobacco, etc.) on the toliet. Please direct me to the nearest female who stores a can of chew in her purse and then leaves blatant evidence of her addiction on the back of the toliet seat....in the ladies' restroom. I will punch her in the face.
4. Maybe my stomach has been hurting because I am a hungry girl. I do not eat, unless it is out of a vending machine. I do not have time to eat - and the only good, non-annoying thing coming out of this lack of food supply is that I have dropped three pounds.
5. My lack of eating comes from my annoying hectic schedule. Could somebody please name the drug I was on when I decided to sign up for two summer class, back-to-back, until 10:00 p.m. at night? It is apparent that we need an intervention.
6. I am annoyed that a colleague of mine, left class last night, in a heat of rage, and pissed off my professor and forced us to "process" what happened after class was already over. You, jackass, had forced me to stay 10 minutes longer because you were mad, you couldn't pick your own group. Grow up...please.
7. I am annoyed at the PA Department of Transportation. Why do you insist on tearing up the highway every, single, mother-freakin', summer? What is the rationale? Not only do I play chicken with the road blocks the whole way home at 11 p.m., but you totally shut down the exit I take to get home, so you left me with a detour. I do not work well with detours, especially in a big city. You were the reason for my panic attack last night. You people are assholes, and I hate you.
8. But of course, after such a long day I wasn't able to get a good nights rest. No. No. No. Why, you ask? Because I had to hack, cough, and choke all night long as I attempt to rest in my bed because my illness has moved to my lungs - I love how my infection has been playing tic-tac-toe in my body.
9. I am definately annoyed at my alarm clock for going off so early - I hate the alarm clock, if I slept with a hammer, I'd smash it too pieces.
10. I am annoyed that my sister hides the Special K cereal bars in the mornings when I am leaving for work. You know, others need to eat too - you move them again, I'll chop of your fingers - don't tempt me.
11. I am annoyed that I am thristy right now and the refrigerator is too far away for me to go get my water. I don't want to walk....anymore today. So the pretezels that I am eating are annoying because they are making me thirsty.
12. I am annoyed that Pumpkinface is going to the gym and sending me to go get the lunch. HELLOOOOO... I am sick. You go get our f-in lunch. What do I look like? Grrr....
13. I am majorly annoyed that this day is not over yet! I want to go to sleep. Please let me go to sleep!

Who else is annoyed today or in the last 24 hours? What has annoyed you - maybe that'll cheer me up. I'll laugh at you!
-Career Woman

Monday, May 23, 2005

Tagged Again? Is it Christmas?

Ya'll better just be feelin' special and stuff, because this girl is coming to you live from Duquesne before my second class. I just finished a midterm (Aced it....of course) and am now waiting 2 hours, yes, that is 120 minutes away from this moment to go to another class until 10:10 p.m. I am sick. I am tired. And I do not want to go to my second class, but Housewife is making me go. That is right....Housewife has put her foot down. So I listened to her, and I am not sure why?! But anyways we were tagged, AGAIN. Is that awesome or what? We were tagged my MommaK who put her own little twist to a Meme and here are the rules and regulations...
Below is MommaK's list. Copy the person's list who has tagged you and only change the things that you have done in another list below. So this is allow all of us to add our own special twist!

MommaK's List:
1. Jumped from a perfectly good plane that's still flying
2. Jumped from a perfectly good bridge with an oversized rubber band around my ankles
3. Had a honeymoon
4. Gotten a speeding ticket
5. Broken a bone
6. Watched an episode of ER
7. Won the Lottery
8. Been in handcuffs
9. Flown in a hot air balloon
10. Missed voting in a Presidential Election

Career Woman's List:
1. Jumped from a perfectly good plane that's still flying
2. Jumped from a perfectly good bridge with an oversized rubber band around my ankles
3. Had a honeymoon
4. Gotten a speeding ticket
5. Had some type of surgery
6. (I have not watched an entire episode of ER, therefore I will add something new): Watched an episode of The Baby Story
7. Won the Lottery
8. Been in handcuffs
9. Flown in a hot air ballon
10. Hit the Jackpot on a Slot Machine

Housewife will tag two people and I am going to tag two people, so I tag Jersey Girl and Erin for this meme!
----------------------------------------------------------

Ok, well at first I was a little confused. Do I copy Momma K's list? Or do I copy CW's list. Or should I copy both of them? But then I was all smart and did my math and figured that if I copied both of them, then the people I tag will have to make two lists. HMMM. Wouldn't wanna do that. And if I just copy Momma K's list then what happens to CW's list? So now that I've bored you with my thought process, I'll change things from CW's list?
(oh and in case some people just aren't as smart as me, I have figured this much out for you...if CW tagged you, then make your list from her list, If I tag you then change from my list. OR if you have time and nothing else to do, then you can copy both of our lists...I on the other hand don't have time for such a thing because with all my deep thoughts that I just had about these lists, my mind should clearly be concentrating on how to solve world hunger and things like that. You understand, no?)

Housewife's List (changed from CW's list)
1. Jumped from a perfectly good plane that's still flying
2. Jumped from a perfectly good bridge with an oversized rubber band around my ankles
3. Had a honeymoon
4. Gotten a speeding ticket
5. Had some type of surgery
6.Have never swam with dolphins
7. Won the Lottery
8. flew in an airplane
9. Flown in a hot air balloon
10. Hit the Jackpot on a Slot Machine

There you have it. Now Imagonna ta-ag (drum roll please) Doug and The Dirty South

I'm off to cure AIDs and Cancer and all that jazz with my amazing mind. Laters.

An Open Letter to the Mucus in my Throat

Disclaimer: I apologize for the contents of this letter. If you are in anyway grossed out by mucus, such as I, read on...it's not that bad.

Dear Un-invited, highly hated, forever forming, Mucus in my Throat:

You have worn out your welcome. To be quite frank with you, I have had enough. You not-so-gently awoken me from my peaceful slumber Thursday evening, billowing in the back of my throat. You have leaked through every orphus of my body, including: nose, stomach, ass, and throat. You have made me queasy and gag-like for approximately four days now and it is time that you are "nexted." (Like the show on MTV).

I did appreciate your presence slightly on Friday for the coating of infection gracing the back of my throat. For when you were there, it did not pain me to swallow water, gatorade, or soup. For a mini-second, your graciousness was highly accepted. That is until you made me throw-up. You see dear un-invited, highly hated, forever forming mucus in my throat, you have made me throw up. Not once, but twice.

Maybe I should explain something to you. I am afraid to throw up (although I do do it quite frequently) because I tend to bring on anxiety attacks not allowing me to breathe, in turn, fearing for my life. You, mucus, have made an attempt of homocide since late Thursday night until early Saturday morning. You have waken my household for two nights now, because I can not throw up alone (refer to previous post). No one likes you anymore.

But you left again on Saturday and this was half-heartedly appreciated as well. You see, when you packed your bags and hauled ass outta my throat, I quit sneezing, and I quit throwing up, and then I could breathe. However, you left me with pain. Yup, you did. My throat began to hurt again, because apparently you made yourself a great shield to knifing, needle pains each time I swallowed my saliva or a beverage. But, I figured that this lack of un-invited, highly hated, forever forming mucus in my throat meant I was getting better and could then treat my bed sores from not moving for 48 hours. I was utterly gracious of your demise - apparently too soon.

You see dear un-invited, highly hated, forever forming mucus in my throat, it is Monday afternoon and for some reason I can only accept the fact that you came back because you like me. But let's make something clear. I do not like you back. No. My throat is beginning to feel better and you have misled me because my throat is feeling better because you have rejoined the germ infested party in the back of my throat and are going swimming with your friends in my belly again. The pool party is over. Am I clear? You see, if you force me throw up again, I will have to do so at work. I refuse. Because someone, in the LADIES (that is right - I said Ladie's room) restroom has spit tabacco on the toliet seat and I will not wipe it up (which may just lead to another open letter). So I can't throw up today - I am too busy to throw up. Get it?
This is fair warning. If you do not show your white flag... well I don't know what I'll do, but I'll do something, you are going to be in big trouble mister. Remove yourself, and do it quickly, miraculously, and spiritually because I refuse to throw, spit, or shit you out. Are we clear, Mucus?

Thank you sometimes,
Career Woman

Randomness

I would first like to apologize to everyone for being absent from the blogworld for the last three days! Although I sensed allergies, I was wrong. I went to visit the doctor Thursday afternoon and had a fever with a throat infection which then rudely turned into the full-blown flu - vomiting and all, fun times! Does anybody else not like to throw up on their own. Me, for one, I request an audience when I vomit. Housewife can vouge for this. There is something about throwing up that requires me to think I am going to die. For real. I think that I am going to choke to death so I require the presence of someone in case I need resuscitated(sp). Housewife is usually a good one to come a long for the ride because she's used to vomiting and stuff since she is a mommy and all. So again, please excuse my absence and lack of commenting - I have a lot to catch up on...

In other news, I won $200 yesterday! Yippee! Pumpkinface, me, and his family went to the race track for his dad's birthday yesterday and I won the big bucks...Yup, sure did! Which will gladly save me a trip from the mac machine this week to fund my gas and parking at the assine university. My mom said something rather funny to me this morning - She said, "Morgan, why don't you save that and put it away for the wedding." Ha, me? save? Honestly, who does that?

Which reminds me... the bug-eyed bitch emailed me back finally. She emailed me Saturday, almost a week from when I emailed her with really nothing valuable to say. She was dumb, of course, and a bitch, of course - and now I am forced to write a letter to the dean requesting a meeting concerning my grade appeal. Also, possibly an open letter to her lousy-lame ass excuse for a reply, I hate her.

On to good news!!!!! Pumpkinface and I went shopping for a digital camera yesterday. He is going to buy me one for my birthday which is June 27. I said "My Birthday is June 27." :) So when that day comes, you will get pictures of my freshly pedicured toe nails, my ring, my room, my ass, my eyes, EVERYTHING - because I will be so picture/camera happy that you will being to ask people around me to please take it off of me and place me in rehab because I will be obsessed beyond belief. Prepare yourself now!

I am also very excited because we are going to the Rascal Flatts concert on Saturday! I LOVE Rascal Flatts with every fiber of my being - not more than Pumpkinface, but a lot! After dress shopping with K Pac, we are going to go and tailgate for the day. It's calling for rain (why wouldn't it, it shitty western PA), but hopefully by the grace of God, we'll have a b-e-a-utiful day. (A camera by then would be just lovely - but let's not get ahead of ourselves).

So, do you like Rascal Flatts?
-Career Woman

Friday, May 20, 2005

An Open Letter to The Crazy Lunatic that Stole My Pillow

Dear Crazy Lunatic that Stole My Pillow,

As a fellow apartmentee, if you want to call that a word, but who cares cause your the Lunatic, I'm sure that you realize that it is hard enough to co-exist in an establishment that houses 20 functioning families and only 2 washers and 2 dryers. We all have lived with the dumbasses that throw our clean laundry onto the floor with no consideration that the floor is in fact gross, just so they could get their load in. We have also put up with asshats that have stopped the dryer half way through your cycle (that you have paid your hard earned dollar for) to throw your still-wet-clean-laundry onto the dirty floor and now you have to pay another dollar and wash it all over again cause God knows nasty floor cuckies stick to wet clothes. My point being, it is one thing to put up with these impatient halfwits, but it is another thing to put up with people that STEAL YOUR PILLOW.

Crazy Lunatic that Stole My Pillow, I don't know what has possessed you to commit such a ridiculous crime. Were you casually strolling past the laundry room at 9 o'clock at night and decided "Hey, I'm tired, I think I'll take that wet pillow out of the dryer and get a little shut eye?" Whatever your reason was, I think your a Crazy Lunatic.

Let me tell you a story, Crazy Lunatic that Stole My Pillow. I spent the last two days chasing my 1 year old around the house with my steam cleaner. Why? She is sick. Yes, sick. So sick, that she has stopped every 5 minutes to either puke or shit on my carpets. This morning, Crazy Lunatic that Stole My Pillow, she came running into my bed just in time to throw up all over it. Including my pillow. The same pillow in which she then curled up on and runny diarrhea then gushed out from the sides of her diaper onto the pillow. All the bed stuff and my pillow then had to sit, piled up, in a corner for the rest of the day until I was able to get it to the wash. I did not get it into the wash until 8:30 this evening. That means that the said pillow has sat in puke and shit All. Day. Long ...long enough for it to soak into every fiber of it's fluffiness.

Now, one must wonder when they see a pillow in the wash. Pillows are not something you usually wash, just for the hell of it. Why did you think my pillow was in the wash, Crazy Lunatic that Stole My Pillow? I'll tell you why. It had PUKE AND SHIT ON IT! I hope that as you lie your twisted brain case on my pillow tonight, it still smells like PUKE and SHIT. Then, maybe you will think twice about being the Crazy Lunatic that Steals Peoples Pillows ever again.

Sweet Dreams,

Housewife

OHMYGOD We've been tagged!

Zippity-Do-Da! I can just feel the love zapping me right through my computer screen! What a week! We scored a rockin' 32 comments on my protester post, we had them coming out of the woodwork on that one. All of our gracious thanks go out to Amalah for sending people that actually comment our way. Whoo-hoo! And then, a very wonderful person which whom I do not know but will soon become her best friend has made A Career Woman and A Housewife her Blog of the Day. How cool is that? We've like reached superstar status! I like to return favors, so I'll throw y'all in her direction...Go visit Sometimes It's Peaceful! AAAANNNNNDDDDDD.......our "totally rockin' wish we could go party with her by the way who cares that we are 10 years younger than you" friend True Jersey Girl TAGGED US! We always wanted to be tagged, we were sad cause we didn't think anyone thought enough of us to hear our opinions on things and now........WE'VE BEEN TAGGED! YEEE-HAW!

So here it is and here's the deal.

True Jersey Girl sent us these questions we're gonna answer them and then tagged some peeps that we know......... So of course, if you've been tagged, answer these questions on your site and tag away!

1) Total volume of music files on my computer.

Yeah, this is a little embarrassing. I may have a blog but that does not mean I claim to know ANYTHING about computers. I'm really not so sure I have any music files on my computer, being that I never downloaded any music to my computer. Besides, if I ever did, I have no idea where to go on my computer to see what the volume is. Is that sad?

2) The last CD I bought was:

OK, OK, I'm not too too far behind on this one, I bought Ciara's CD a few months ago cause I like to shake my booty to One-Two Step while I clean my house.

3) Song playing right now:

In all honesty...I can hear SpongeBob coming from the livingroom. But, Mob Hits is in my CD player.

4) Five songs I listen to a lot or that mean a lot to me (in no particular order):

1.Lady's Night - Lil' Kim, means a lot cause that's my crews MF'n THEME SONG

2.Me and You - Kenny Chesney, this is mine and Big Daddy's song

3.Regulators - Warren G and Nate Dog (or should I say Nikki G and Morg Dog) cause we just rock that song!

4. That's Amore - Dean Martin, it seems like every time I have ever had a good time somewhere, that song was playing.

5. The Way You Look Tonight - Frank Sinatra , me and my daddy always dance to to this or we'll just start singing it at random moments when we're together, We LOVE Frank.

5) What five people are you passing this baton to, and why?

Alright I'll pick a few and then let Career Woman pick some. First I want to pass this to Leonie cause I'm curious to know what's going down in London! And of course I'll pass it to Erin cause I'm sure she'll pick songs that Morgan and I love too cause we somehow think we are related.

It's Friday Night and CW can't get to a computer until Monday. I know the suspense will kill you but you'll have to wait 'til Monday to hear CW's answers. Sorry.

-Housewife

Thursday, May 19, 2005

CW and HW Personal Meme

So apparently, these "memes" are becoming some big deal - although we have never been tagged for one, I find it appropriate to make up our own fun meme. It's our own personal theme, aren't you excited? So here 'er goes, and when you comment with the answers to our questions, we'd like you to "tag" someone else with the one and the only, A Career Woman and Housewife's Personal Meme!

If you could marry any celebrity in the world, who would it be, why, and what would you name your children?

If you could drink your favorite beverage with your favorite person, who would it be and what would you drink?

If you were to dye your hair, what color would you change it to and who would you remind yourself of?

If you were able to spend $1,000,000 in one store, which store would it be?

If you were thinking of getting engaged or are, or are married, what type of ring would you prefer or purchase?

What color bridesmaid gowns should Career Woman pick for her bridal party? Hint: This is a summer wedding.

Think of a person that you despise...got one?...how could you make their life a living hell?

What is your favorite color to look at and what is your favorite color to wear?

Do you love A Career Woman and a Housewife? Why?

-A Career Woman and a Housewife

What I Know Is...

1. I (heart) Amalah.com for making us her friend and her friend's friends! I mean people, do you see the amount of comments on our previous post? It is like Christmas in May! In Housewife's words, "We are the like the popular kids sitting at the popular lunch table right now." And I couldn't agree more! Thanks again Amalah "Homecoming Queen of All Blogs."
2. I know that I did get showered, and, uh, 'er dressed in 20 minutes today - that's right, I said 20 minutes. There is nothing better than your alarm going off and being able to fall back asleep but there is something better than running around like a chicken with my head cut off for 20 minutes attempting to make myself presentable. This girl, with the beautiful hair (so says Roly Poly), is not looking her "steller" self this wonderful Thursday. I think I brushed my teeth and was able to pee in the mix of all this...I think. (Breath check). Yup, I brushed them.
3. I do not (heart) allergies. At. All. If my nose was any more tickly, I would think I had a feather duster up it. If my throat was anymore scratchy, I would imagine that I have a gigantic cactus stuck down it, and if my eyes were any itchy, I would believe that someone has tainted my mascara and has replaced it with black, itching powder. Damn Maybelline. (I know, I use maybelline, do you believe it).
4. I know that caffinated coffee makes my heart race and doctors orders state that I am not allowed to drink it - however, although I hate the sensation, I enjoy the fact that I am able to keep my eyes open, and blog one-hundred miles per minute. Early heartattack at 24 shouldn't kill me, right?
5. I know that I need a mother-f*cking digital camera before my birthday on June 27. I said MY BIRTHDAY IS JUNE 27. I need it for June 18, because it is my cousin's wedding and I will certainly take a million and one pictures of my pumpkinface in his charming suit and I will take pictures of my liquored up parents. (For those of you who know my parents - you will find pictures of them dancing on some type of bar - uh-huh, yep, they dance on bars - to "Shoop" - Salt 'n Pepa's "shoop").
6. I know that I would like to start a scrapbook. Where I will find the time is beyond me, but Erin's pictures and Housewife's scrapbooks have influenced me...like the plague.
7. I know that my nails need done for our engagement picture saturday. That is right, our ENGAGEMENT PICTURE! Gah! K-Pac got hers back, they are beautious, hopefully mine will be half as nice. I think I will also get a pedicure, but I am embarrassed of my feet - I have a bunion! Thanks Gram...
8. I know that my bug-eyed bitch professor is going to get a sharp object in her eye if she does not reply to my email. I will deal with this non-sense no longer. I hate her like Leonie hates Macaroni and Cheese.
9. I also know that for some reason I am not able to link all your sites that we love and hold so dearly so here they are:
http://callingthishome.blogspot.com and http://leoniekate.blogspot.com
10. I know I am going to tan today and that will make me feel a lot better about my appearance today. Doesn't that just make everybody feel better? And I am sure that I will have sweat spots on my ass in my pants because I will not burn my toosh and go underroo-less. I am pale when not tan and I sit for way too long.

I am going to go and fill up my caffeinated coffee cup - and maybe work, but more than likely, I will blog some more - Is there anything funner?
-Career Woman

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Protesters... HUH!

I really didn't want to get all "current-event" on you. That's never what this blog was intended for, but I heard something on the NEWS last night that highly irritated me and I have to vent (plus, nothing else is going on for me to talk about.)

Now, before I begin, let me just say that I have made posts in the past that were NEVER meant to spark controversial issues. Yet, somehow they did. Perhaps my readers were yearning for controversy on this blog and had to make something out of nothing. I don't know. But as always, I aim to please... So if you want controversy...Here it is.........................

This story ran on my FOX 25 10:00 NEWS last night. The link I provided you is from a local Newspaper, FOX 25 NEWS did not have a link on their site for the story that they had aired, but I may quote some things that FOX 25 had said on TV. If you don't want to read the whole story, I'll recap for you.

Englesby Intermediate Scool in Dracut Massachusetts held a "Women in History" Essay contest. The winner of the contest was a 12 year-old girl that submitted an essay about Ellen DeGeneres. Fox 25 NEWS reported, school officials stressed that the girl won soley because of her writing style and not because of the content of her paper. So for those people out there that may not understand, SHE DID NOT WIN BECAUSE SHE WROTE ABOUT LESBIANS,SHE WON BECAUSE OF HER WRITING STYLE. Moving on....An Anti-Gay Group based out of the Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka Kansas lead by Pastor Fred Phelps somehow caught wind of this. They sent a flier to the Englesby School (and I quote this from The Lowell Sun) "The invective-laden leaflet includes a photo of the Englesby School and a grotesque devil. The diatribe attacks the staff, labeling it a 'homo-fascist regime,' among other things." Pastor Phelps has also contacted the acting chief of Police in Dracut to secure a picketing permit at the school. One of which Cheif Richardson may not approve because the protest will disturb the school day. Now someone is thinking!

Let me also say, that this Anti-Gay group lead by Pastor Phelps became notorious in 1998 when they stood across the street shouting at mourners of 21 year-old Matthew Shepard of Wyoming who was murdered in an anti-gay hate crime. They held signs that read "Matthew is in hell" for all of his family and friends to see as they prepare to burry their loved one.
Please correct me if I'm wrong, but these so-called evangelical people that claim to be so holy and good, they claim to follow God and love Jesus, find it GODLY to spread so much hate. I can't help but to laugh at them. If they are true Christians, I would presume that they know the Ten Commandments...Murder is wrong...if they want to protest against something they should be outside the courthouse protesting against Matthew Shepherd's murderers and praying that Matthew goes to heaven for having lost his life in such a hateful, violent way. Get a clue!

I feel the same way about this victimized Middle School and it's innocent students. These children are 9 through 12 years old. This 12 year old girl wrote about a Woman that she felt played a part in history. After all, this girl lives in Massachusetts, it is the first state to legalize Gay Marriage...it is part of her society in a state that she lives in. I think it is great that she was mature enough at 12 years old to recognize the importance that Ellen DeGeneres may have played in the history of this country. And although the school claims she won because of her writing style and not because of her content...Who cares if it WAS about the content...People are going to have to start realizing that times are changing and the world is evolving and the only thing that's going to make this world a terrible place are the people that are spreading hate, not the people that are loving one another (no matter what sex they love.)

These people are going to travel all the way from Kansas to Massachusetts to subject children 9 through 12 years old to protest and violence. They have sent fliers to their school with pictures of the devil on them. If these people want to claim they are religious...I suggest they quit promoting hate and the devil...all they are doing is spreading the wrong message to these children. Instead of demonstrating what God intended on this earth, LOVE and PEACE...they are demonstrating what the devil himself wanted HATE and VIOLENCE.

Yes, I understand that the Bible states that marriage should be between a man and a woman. But the Bible also states that we should love one another. If these people think that Gays and Lesbians are sinning and if they have that much faith in God to believe that it's truly wrong, than they also should believe that the Gays and Lesbians will deal with their sin on judgment day by God himself. If they don't approve of it than they shouldn't do it....leave these poor people alone. If they insist on hurting the feelings of people like Matthew Shepherd's family and a small girl that wrote an award winning essay then THEY are the SINNERS...They are no better than a sexually confused being.

This same group plans on protesting at a Lexington High School graduation because the school recognized the Gay-Straight Alliance Club. WWJD? Be grateful that the straight students there are accepting of their Gay peers and not projecting violence against them. These people of this Anti-Gay group sicken me with their protest. I'm not putting them down for their beliefs, I'm putting them down for the way they are handling themselves. Again, if they are so religious than they should know that there is nothing more powerful than prayer...so if they would put their effort into prayer instead of protest than maybe they would make progress - Peacefully - as God intended.

Just like the idiots that bomb abortion clinics. OK, you think these women are so wrong for killing a baby...what makes you think your so right by killing the people that work there by blowing the building up. Honestly, people do not think!

It's like this...Everyone sins...whether you told a lie, cheated, swore, stole, had impure thoughts WHATEVER...a sin is a sin....Ellen Degeneres is no more wrong by kissing her girlfriend than you are by saying "F#CK", eating a grape at the grocery store, or having sex out of wedlock.

Now there's something to send me hate mail about. If you disagree with me...BY ALL MEANS, LET ME KNOW....cause I'm dying to hear how you justify yourself.

In the meantime, the rest of you out there can pray that Chief Richardson doesn't allow this Anti-Gay group to protest infront of these school children, even if it does violate their "freedom of speech." And if he does, then pray that these children will understand that some people in the world just don't have their heads screwed on too tight!

-Housewife

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

A Bunch of News

Okay, first thing is first... Ashlee and Billy got engaged Saturday night. For those of you who don't know, Billy is Pumpkinface's cousin and best man in our wedding, and Ashlee is one of my very dear friends whom is also a bridesmaid in my wedding. It's another wedding, which means that K.E. and Scottie (my maid of honor and Pumpkinface's other bestman) are the only two left out of our "group." But they are living in sin...hahaha, KIDDING K.E. Hip-hip-hooray! So, congratulations to them!

In other news, today is the primaries for the District Attorney and Judge race back at home in good 'ole N.C. My current boss is running for Judge which is so exciting, and makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, just because, my current boss and neighbor may become judge and if I ever decide to like kill somebody at my university or something, maybe he will cut me some slack. You think? Probably not. But anyways, I think it is really cool, that I will vote today, for my second time in my life for something I feel is pretty darn important! I might be working the polls tonight with my good friend MG (another bridesmaid of mine)because my boss is her uncle. Vote Mangino!

On to something else, I am in my second week of summer classes, which means that I only have three weeks left! Is that awesome or what?! This getting home so late bullshit is getting real old, but it's worth the six credits I won't have to do in the fall, Fo-Sho. And I did run into Roly-Poly last night. If I may remind you, Roly-Poly is the one that I have grown to hate throughout the last few weeks. He is the one whom has accused me of doing the things that the bug-eyed professor has blatantly lied about, and asked me to "stop emailing him," because in more or less words, he stated that they have bigger fish to fry. So, I have done what was asked of me. I have not contacted anyone, (until possibly today, because I am pissed all over again), and of course, they have not contacted me. But I run into him last night on my way to my second class. I am sitting on my bench with my friend Rachel and two other classmates talking about the fact that the professor we have for the second class favors Rachel and I, when Roly-Poly walks up to me. I say to myself, "Self, he is either going to say something smart and you are going to have to stab him in his eye with your pen, or he is going to tell you good news regarding the bug-eyed bitch who's mission is to ruin your life and reputation." He did neither. Right. So you are thinking to yourself, "What the hell could he have said?" Well here is the conversation between him and I:

RP: Your hair is beautiful!
CW: 'Uh, what, 'uh, 'er, huh?
RP: Your hair - It's gorgeous! What color do you call that?
CW: (Obviously in a state of shock and disbelief) Um, it's called "I was blonde, then I wanted to be a redhead, now I am trying to be a blonde again." (what the f*ck is he talking about?)
RP: Well, it is just beautiful, some girl in my last class has hair color and styled just like yours and I just love it! (To another student): "Isn't her hair just beautiful?"
CW: Ummm...'er, ok, thanks.

OKAY - SO WHAT THE HELL IS THAT ABOUT?!?!?!?!?!?! Did this man not hate me, did this man not state that he does not have time for me, but he can take time to admire my hair, rather than my desire for an A? What is wrong with this world? So, now I am at a fork in the road. Do I contact Two-Ton Tessie regarding whether or not she has contacted the bug-eyed bitch, (because I am too worried he might enjoy my bra size or something next time I run into him), or leave it alone, AGAIN, until they decide that I am important? Sidenote: Three colleagues of mine who had the same class I did and are not satisfied with their grades have contacted the bug-eyed bitch and she was a snot to them as well. How freakin' professional, right? So, I advise all three of these students to contact Roly Poly or Two Ton Tessie regarding their concerns so that I do not appear to be the only wackjob with this concern!

Well off to do something productive and in my job description for the day. Oh and I think that I am getting a pedicure on Friday, I am excited about that! Have a wonderful day!
-Career Woman

Monday, May 16, 2005

Friday Night in NC

It seriously takes an act of Congress for a Housewife to go out with the girls on a Friday night!

Career Woman was to pick me up at 7:30p.m. Now it typically takes me about an hour to shower, do my hair, get dressed and put on make up. When I say typically, that means with out interuption and without too much rush. However, in The House of Never Ending Candy and Popscicles, functions one small bathroom, a very frusterated Housewife, one nagging Mother, and 2 crying children. The Housewife was frusterated because she had to go to Wal-Mart to get pull-ups for one of the crying children before she went out and the nagging mother had to come along. The nagging mother has a serious problem that should required therapy when it comes to "being quick" in Wal-Mart. It can't happen. Ever. I stressed many times the whole way to Wal-Mart that I MUST be home by 6:15p.m. so I could get ready to go out.

Housewife did not make it home until 6:45p.m. I flew into the shower (taking just a few extra seconds to scrub away at my orange feet). Then, I attempted to straighten my hair. This may be not so much of a big deal to some people out there, but this girl has the thickest, frizziest, curliest hair EVER. By this time I am sweating bullets, it's 80 degrees outside and I just blew hot air at my head for 35 minutes straight and my mom is screaming for me to change Sophia's messed diaper. At this time Career Woman is knocking on my door and this frizzy haired, no make-up, sweatin' (but still pretty) girl is no where near ready to be seen on the town. And may I add that I busted my thumb nail while letting her in the door, I bled and had to wear a bandaid on my thumb the whole night. Sure that would be alright if I wanted to be like Nelly or something. Am cool.

Hi. Career Woman here. I just wanted to vouge for the beginning of Housewife's story. To start things off, I agree that some type of bill needs to be passed in order for Housewife to be allowed for a night on the town. But have no fear, Career Woman was here. I nipped her hectic life and children right in the bud. I played guitar (yes, just like, Ricky Sambora) for Sophie, and then played with flying ducks "at their wedding," with Bella. So Housewife had a few minutes on her own to primp and pamper her lovely tressels! I'll let her tell ya about the car ride over!

Okay, so we are finally able to exit the house. Bertha has yelled and shouted my name 8 million and one times to clean out the shower. I clean out the shower, get in the car, and thank gawd Career Woman is driving because I have to take the 8 minute car trip to Mulligans to apply lipstick, help Big Daddy balance the checkbook via cell phone (See, Housewife can still perfrom her Housewife-ish duties while preparing to become intoxicated), and fight with my mother. Yes, Bertha called me during my busy car ride to tell me that I have left a bottle of shampoo on the bottom of the shower. Not so sure what it was that she wanted me to do about it since we were pulling in Mulligan's parking lot. But it was somehow nessacary that I was informed of this. Bertha made me cry. I wiped my tears. Re-applied mascarra. And returned to my hotness and went into Mulligan's.


Hola, Career Woman here... So we get to Mulligans and poor K-Pac and flava were waiting for us on the dining room side (a.k.a. the boring side). Mulligans was packed. And you know what this means. There were lots of people we knew and liked, didn't like, strangers we did not know but made fun of their outfits, men who wanted us - Sorry boys, we're taken! But we had a good time. But of course, we get the one waitress in the place whom obviously hates us both (you'll have that), and more than likely our food was served with feces, urine, and hockers in it. Mmmm...Yummy! We were worried that we led our readers astray, because the first half hour consisted of no one to make fun of.

Housewife here! What Career Woman forgot to mention was, we shared a meal, Career Woman ordered and payed for it...see it was just like a date, just short of a goodnight kiss...who knows maybe there was one...no no no no no. We ate, laughed, and fixed my shirt about 100 times because my breastestess were just dying to jump out of my shirt and onto the table. Again we were in the dining room so it was pretty uneventful at first. Except that K Pac and her fiance saw my bra more times than what they would have liked. Usually we would be making fun of the hussied up girls pushing their way to the bar, that's just how we operate. Fun at the expense of others. That's what you have to do when your on a budget. But, over in the dinning room there's just families and middle-ages couples having dinner, nothing to exciting, until......

A middle-aged woman walked into the restuarant wearing a lime green, tiger-striped blouse and pants suit, if you will. And as if this wasn't bad enough...I am postive that her and her husband had a lovely meal because she must have had an entire Mulligan's Chicken Bone stuck in her teeth. The woman in the lime green tiger stripes pulled out an economy sized package of dental floss from her purse, unraveled all 10 feet of it and began sawing away at her lower gum...back and forth for a good 10 minutes (hopefully she will be touching up her, now smudged, bright red lipstick). And if THIS wasn't bad enough the Mulligan's Chicken Bone came flying out of her mouth and poked her husband right in the eye. No it didn't. But that would have been a good ending to the story.

K Pac and her sidekick had to leave for a party but by this time 4 of our other friends joined us at the table. And as I said, there was, laughing, talking, eating, drinking, and more laughing. And I do mean laughing...our 2 friends Matt and Billy were telling stories about when they were younger and at one point I looked up and every table in the dining room was looking at us and laughing right along with their stories. We are that loud.

Career Woman is back! We decided to leave Mulligan's to go meet Bertha (she was already in a bad mood, and we were already late). We do not meet Bertha at a place similar to Mulligans. No, no, no. You found this Career Woman and a Housewife in a Biker bar on a Friday night. Say it with us, "B-I-K-E-R BAR." Such a bar, it was called "Rick's Rocky Top Inn." Let me just set the scene for you. The bar consisted of middle-aged to older men and women in self-made, cut off Levi's, cut-off flannel shirts, greasy ponytails on women AND men. Chaps, leather vests, and cowboy boots were also worn. We were greeted by Dirty Biker Guy #1 and Dirty Biker Guy #2 as soon as we reached the bar. Housewife bought Career Woman a beer and herself a st-rong cranberry, applepucker and vodka. We were offered seats by Dirty Biker Guy #1 and Dirty Biker Guy #2. We declined (thank you very much), and went about our business. We overheard an "intelligent," conversation between Dirty Biker Guy #1 and Dirty Biker Guy #2 regarding a Career Woman and a Housewife. Dirty Biker Guy #1 said to Dirty Biker Guy #2 "What do you want to order?" and Dirty Biker Guy #2 replied by saying "I want one of 'dem 'der women." The "women" he was referring to was yours truly. We declined again. But the fun wasn't over yet.... no, no, no.

So Career Woman and I were seated at a table, with plastic chairs, and a checkered, sticky tablecloth, and in walks our amusement for the evening. Remember the conversation we typically have that we posted about, when below is our actual conversation regarding a group of girls who walked into the biker bar.

CW: Do you know who that is that is sitting up there?
HW: No, who is that?
CW: Blah Blah
HW: Ohhhhh, didn't people used to call her something because of the funny way she walks?
CW: Yep, they called her a waddling duck.
HW: That's right!... She got FAT.
CW: Heck ya she did...and when she talks to you, she doesn't look at you or something.
HW: Isn't that like a sign of self-esteem or something?
CW: Yeah, but not for her, she's just defective.

So was I right, or was I right about our typical conversations when A Career Woman and a Housewife go out for a night on the town? Anyways, sorry this post was so long awaited, if blogger was not such an asshole, you would have had this for your enjoyment Saturday evening as Housewife and I sat home and posted!
-A Career Woman and A Housewife

Posted by Hello

The 80's and 90's Rocked!

My friend Nicole sent me this email and it is oh, so true! Housewife and I were born in 1980 and 1981! I remember, did, or wore, or said every one of these things! (And don't worry everybody, we had some posting problems on saturday evening when we were giving you a detailed description of our night on the town, but blogger screwed us and we have to re-do it, it'll be coming soon!)

You know you grew up in the 80's or early 90's if:
1. You've ever ended a sentence with the word "SIKE"
2. You watched the Pound Puppies.
3. You can sing the rap to the "Fresh Prince of Bel-Air" and can do the Carlton".
4. Girls wore biker shorts under their skirts and felt stylishly sexy
5. You yearned to be a member of the Baby-sitters club and tried to start
a club of your own.
6. You owned those lil' Strawberry Shortcake pals scented dolls.
7. You know that "WOAH " comes from Joey on Blossom
8. Two words: Hammer Pants
9. If you ever watched "Fraggle Rock"
10. You had plastic streamers on your handle bars....and "spokey-dokes"
or playing cards on your spokes for that incredible sound effect
11. You can sing the entire theme song to "Duck Tales "
12. It was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons
13. You wore a ponytail on the side of your head
14. You saw the original "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles " on the big screen...
and still know the turtles names.
15. You got super-excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.
16. You made your mom buy one of those clips that would hold your shirt
in a knot on the side
17. You played the game "MASH " (Mansion, Apartment, Shelter,House)
18. You wore stonewashed Jordache jean jackets and were proud of it.
19. L.A. Gear....need I say more?
20. You wanted to change your name to "JEM " in Kindergarten.(She's truly
outrageous.)
21. You remember reading "Tales of a fourth grade nothing" and all, the Ramona books
22. You know the profound meaning of "WAX ON, WAX OFF"
23. You wanted to be a Goonie.
24. You ever wore fluorescent clothing.
25. You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell
off and his cheeks shifted and when he wore that white glove!
26. You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.
27. You took lunch boxes with thermos's to school... and traded
Garbage Pail kids in the schoolyard.
28. You remember the CRAZE, then the BANNING of slap bracelets.
29. You still get the urge to say "NOT " after every sentence.
30. You remember Hyper color t-shirts.
31. Barbie and the Rockers was your favorite band.
32. You thought She-ra (Princess of Power!) and He-Man should hook up.
33. You thought your childhood friends would never leave because you
exchanged handmade friendship bracelets.
34. You ever owned a pair of Jelly-Shoes.
35. After you saw Pee-Wee's Big Adventure you kept saying "I know you are, but what am I?"
36. You remember "I've fallen and I can't get up".
37. You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates.
38. You ever got seriously injured on a Slip and Slide.
39. You have ever played with a Skip-It.
40. You had or attended a birthday party at McDonalds.
41. You've gone through this e-mail laughing and nodding your head in agreement.
42. You remember Popples.
43. "Don't worry, be happy"
44. You wore like, EIGHT pairs of socks over tights with high top Reeboks.
45. You wore socks scrunched down
46. You remember boom boxes. . and walking around with one on your shoulder like you were all that.
47. You remember watching both "Gremlins " movies.
48. You know what it meant to say "Care Bear Stare!!"
49. You remember watching "Rainbow Bright" and "My Little Pony Tales"
50. You thought Doogie Howser/Samantha Micelli was hot.
51.. You remember Alf, the lil furry brown alien from Melmac.
52. You remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool... and
don't even flinch when people refer to them as "NKOTB".
53. You knew all the characters names and their life stories on "Saved By The Bell," The ORIGINAL class.
54. You know all the words to Bon Jovi - SHOT THROUGH THE HEART.
55. You just sang those words to yourself
56. You remember watching Magic vs. Bird.
57. Homemade Levi shorts... (the shorter the better)
58. You remember when mullets were cool and rat tails!
59. You had a mullet!
60. You still sing "We are the World"
61. You tight rolled your jeans.
62. You owned a banana clip.
63. You remember "Where's the Beef?"
64. You used to (and probably still do) say "What you talkin' about Willis?"
65. You had big hair and you used tons of hairspray for your bangs...the wave!
66. You're still singing shot through the heart in your head, aren't you!!!

Add some more if you can think of any!
-Career Woman

Friday, May 13, 2005

T.G.I.F.

Phew, It has been one hell of a week, thus, I have survived. I have had 40 hours of work and 16.5 hours of classes and I am still kickin' - except for the massive explosion going on inside my stomach right now causing me to run to the restroom every 15 minutes in the secret hallway with a single stall (Thank Gawd). I don't know what the frick I ate, or drank, or breathed in (which seems to be the way I get bellyaches nowadays), but it has taken a toll on this girl. I, for one, might not be the royal blast, and rip-roorin' good time I normally am, sad news, I know. However, hopefully Housewife will sucker down at least 1.5 drinks and be off her rocker, swearing and cussing out everyone, including me (which she did last time). I will for surely recommend a drunken post for your enjoyment!

Possibly my belly will begin feel better after a soak in the tanning bed and a little inspiration from my Housewife. And like she said in her post, we will more than likely run into someone we like and would love to carry on a conversation with and more than likely we will also run into someone whom we'd like to tear every limb from their body, chop into little pieces, and feed them to their own dogs, because, gawd, I'd never let my beloved Pooches or Dig Dog eat someone so tainted. When we go out, (which nowadays, considering two children, a husband, and a fiance, is more like dinner and a couple of drinks once every six months), we act like high school valley girls, with attitude, finger-snappin', "mmm'hmmm's," all the while with a glass of wine in our hands (see, that makes us more "mature"). But our conversations during our night out seems to always follow a similar path...

CW: There's that skank whore, remember her in high school, she was always fat. I hate her guts.
HW: Yeah, she's a bitch. I'd like to pluck out every eyelash, lash by lash.
CW: If she looks this way one more time, I swear I am going to go over there, and sock her in the f-in face so she'll need plastic surgery, then afterwards, maybe, she'll look better.
HW: She's ugly, she can't look better.

Or....
HW: Oh Look, it's "so-and-so." I haven't seen them in forever. Sheesh, how long has it been?
CW: Wow, it has been a long time, we're getting old.
HW: But, we're still pretty.
CW: Oh, yeah, definately.
HW: Call her over here, I don't know if she'll remember us.
CW: Okay.... wait, 'er, um, she's ignoring us.
HW: Whatever, she's ugly.
CW: Oh yeah, obviously jealous.
HW: Did I tell you you look pretty tonight?
CW: Awe, you too!

You can typically insert different names in this conversation, however, they all follow the same route. If you are our friend and you come and talk to us, you're lucky we like you. If you are our friend and ignore us this evening, you're rude and more than likely jealous. If you are not our friend and gawk, I feel bad for you, you're ugly and jealous. If you are a stranger, who we do not know, more than likely you outfit and hair-do is going to be all wrong and we'll talk about it. If you are a guy, and you're staring at us, keep staring, we're pretty, but we're taken!

-Career Woman

Thursday, May 12, 2005

An Outrageously Long Post About Nothing

OK, OK, OK Where's a girl to start?

First off, "Hello, my precious little blog and Hello to my even more precious blog (and real, awe hell, your all 'real') friends!"

So you all know I'm here in PA, right? Most of you know that this means I have had very limited time on the computer, no? Hopefully I don't need to apologize to ya'll about why I haven't blogged in a few days but I would like to apologize to myself for all the catching up I just had to do...let's make this formal: Self, I am so sorry that I have deprived you from blogging for 4 whole days, I know this was very hard for you. I know that we have a mutual understanding that our days cannot function properly without reading about the daily lives of others, I cannot express my remorse for this faulty behavior I have exposed you to. More importantly I would like to apologize for this past hour that I made you sit here and read every single missed post on every single blog on our blogroll, I realize this was a tiring effort and promise to never make you go so long without blogging and blog reading ever again. Please find it with in your self to forgive me.

OK, now I'd like to say that I really wanted to comment on all of your charmingly funny posts that I enjoyed ever so much but I just did not have the time to do so, if I wanted to make a post of my own...but please know that I've read them all and laughed and smiled and thought about what I would have commented.

UPDATE: Myself has just informed me that I am forgiven. Thank goodness, I hate when I'm mad at myself.


Yeah, so your all probably wondering what I've been up to these past few days...I'll try to put in a nutshell for you...
I've been cleaning my house here in PA and getting it ready for my brother-in-law who will be renting from us... visiting my family...fighting my allergies...missing Big Daddy...wishing I could blog...dreading the ride back to Mass...trying to make Career Woman understand that I am in fact more important that her school and work and Pumpkinface and she SHOULD in fact revolve her schedule around me (so far, I do not think this has sunken in)...trying to keep Isabella and Sophia disciplined as they thrive in the House of Never Ending Candy and Popsicles...enjoying the beautiful weather...and spending quality time with my 'lil Sis.

I'll elaborate on a few of these things......

I'm assuming I have allergies. Full blown allergies to be exact. In my whole life I have never had an allergy problem, however the past few years I've experienced a slight sore throat, mild runny nose and occasional sneezing throughout the so called "allergy Season." Really this was no big deal, I dealt with it in a very calm, nonchalant sort of way. Tis the year of exception - my eyes itch and burn, I have Niagara Falls pouring from my nostrils, I have cheated death by surviving over 20 sneezes in a row and I cannot swallow without whining about how sore my throat is ...I'm not good company. I woke up Wednesday morning and my entire left eye was swollen shut and I could barely see out of my right eye through all the mucus. This was not pretty. I was not happy. So I purchase some Claritin so that I would not just be "clear" I'd be "Claritin Clear" and clear I was, within the first hour I had taken it. Oh how I praised Claritin to all that was around me! But if you talk to Claritin, Claritin will tell you that you cannot exceed more than 1 pill in a 24 hour period. Ok, Claritin, that's fine, I'll assume that you will keep me sneezy-free for 24 hours. Well, within 8 hours my eye began to swell back up and snot came shooting out of my nose ever 5 minutes. Claritin lies, don't believe anything Claritin tells you. But it does work great for a good 8 hours, so time your dosage accordingly.

The good "clear" 8 hours that I squeezed out of Wednesday, I spent at my house, cleaning and working in the yard. It was near 80 degrees and beautiful. As most of you know I cannot get a reasonable tanning appointment so I'm very pasty white. I hate it. But I had to wear shorts, it was freakin' hot. My white legs were very embarrassing. So embarrassing that I stooped to a level so below me in a desperate effort to make myself look more attractive. Sunless Tanning Lotion. I know, I know, I can just hear you all gasping in utter disappointment. I mean, I know better than this. I've done this to myself before. I have willing turned myself a streaky orange color in an attempt to appear sun kissed to other beings. I have learned this lesson years ago. But it's amazing what moments of desperation will do to a person. At times when the glare off of your chalky white skin beams into your eyes paralyzing your brain from telling you this is not a good idea, one cannot recognize that she is being too optimist and too gullible to believe that technology has really developed a Sunless Tanning Lotion that does not streak or turn you orange. I am proud to say that a little voice in my head warned me not to be so naive as I stand in the bathroom naked with the spray bottle aimed at my white bodice, I cautiously only sprayed my legs just to see what fluorescent color I would turn. I figured if it was bad, I could just roast in jeans until it wears off. Well, it's a good thing I did only my legs. Kinda. My legs actually look ok, just one barely noticeable streak and I'm really not a bad shade of orange but my feet on the other hand... well, I can't even bare to speak of them. I truly thought I was "using sparingly" around the foot area, just as the direction stated. Obviously I was being a little more generous than I had hoped to be. I have Oompha Loompha Feet. More embarrassing than my white legs that started this whole mess.

It's only fair to warn the world that when the Claritin wears off of this orange footed beast at sundown, she is not a pretty sight.

I spent most of today with my sister. We played old CD's on the stereo and blasted it as loud as it could go and danced around the house singing at the top of our lungs. It was so refreshing. I love to blast the radio and I can't do it in MASS cause we're in that apartment and it just wouldn't be very courteous of me. I'll quit picking on the allergies and blame my sore throat tonight on all that loud singing I did today. Really, it was so fun. We played old CD's, so old that we forgot some of the words and would crack up laughing when one would start singing the wrong verse or something. We were singing so loud that we could even pretend to cover it up if we made a mistake. And the memories that the old songs themselves brought back were great!
Then we sat down to watch TV and FRIENDS re-runs were on. Today they aired the finale, it was the very first time I had seen the re-run of the finale episode since it aired that dreaded night and guess what, I cried again. Yep, bawled like a baby as they lay their keys on the counter at Monica's apartment. Am a dork. GAWD, I miss that show! Thursday nights just aren't the same.

Hmmm, what other insignificant things can I tell you about myself? I'm feeling obligated to give you a post with depth since I haven't posted in a few days. Let's see....er......I got nothing...at least nothing that I can turn into somewhat of an interesting tale...at least not tonight...I feel my eye swelling up again...and I just sneezed on my sister's keyboard, that's just gross...I think I'll go to bed now.

Career Woman and I have a date tomorrow, we will be having dinner and then perhaps out for a rockin' good time. I'm sure we will have stories to tell, for where there is A Career Woman and A Housewife, there is DRAMA. And fun. And alcohol. And laughter. And music. And booty shakin'. And food. And people we love. And people we hate. And people that don't know us but try to talk to us. And people that do know us and we try not to talk to them. And more fun. And more laughter. And most likely more food. And more alcohol. And then some blogging.

Stay tuned.

-Housewife

Maybe They're Dieting?

Bitches and Asses want to get snippy with me! With me! They are barking up the wrong tree right now. As you have probably guessed it, this post deals with my school and it's assmunches of professors and administrators. I had class last night... until 10:10 p.m. Yes, classes do go that late. In hell. Therefore, I ran into one of the directors (a.k.a. Roly Poly) that I had the meeting with on Monday concerning the Bug-Eyed Bitch who gave me a B. (Again, I do not deserve, NOR accept, a B). I stopped him in the hallway and said:

Me: Dr. Blah, have you had a chance to speak to her?
Roly Poly: To who?
Me: (attempting to keep my cool) To Dr. Bug-Eyed (I did say the real name).
Roly Poly: I haven't been here since Monday.
Me: Okay...so that means?
Roly Poly: I have not had an opportunity to speak with her.
Me: (try not to kill him) Okay. (note to self: he must not have a phone at home or in other office - why would they work after hours)

Throughout this process, I have attempted to ground myself via relaxation techniques through deep-breathing, blogging, and m-fing. I feel as though I have done a good job in keeping my cool and not overreacting, in order to not brink "un-professionalism" towards all faculty, but let me tell you, those bitches are walking a fine line with me right now.

After the meeting on Monday, I emailed the the bug-eyed bitch addressing her on each accusation that she threw at me indirectly. Basically, I ripped her a new asshole in the email - that of which I was not embarrassed of, because I forwarded copies of the email to both (two-ton tessie and roly poly) so they knew that I have attempted to set up a meeting with her, on behalf of their request. I was under the impression that these people would actually do their job, as promised and contact the bug-eyed bitch within the next couple of days, rather than the next year. Apparently, I was wrong.

I get to work this morning (to start my to-do list for this wonderful Thursday) and I have two emails from Roly Poly. He was spittin' me some at-ti-tude. That of which, I did NOT appreciate, oh and I let him know. Here is what his email stated (please keep in mind that this email is being sent from the director of the program at my university, this is his job to take care of these matters):

Career Woman,
Dr. Two-Ton Tessie and I explicitly (explicitly was spelled wrong, fyi) told you not to contact the bug-eyed bitch until we had a chance to. I am very upset (and hungry) that you have gone again (apparently I had to decipher that he met "against") our counsel. I feel as though you are not creating solutions to your problems, rather, you are adding to them. (Can someone please tell me how you find a solution to a problem but not doing a damn thing, but sitting on your fat ass all day pretending that you care about your student's educations and eating...something?) Please do not send us any more emails (but we will accept pizzas, sandwiches, ho-hos, and pies and an occasionally milkshake if you will) until we have a chance to contact her. Yours is not the only problem that we are dealing with. (I have to stop typing because I am hungry and feel as though I may just eat the keyboard).

Ok. Ok. Ok. Is he aware that I have spent possibly more money than the other students with "problems" at his assine university?! I deserve for my problem to be addressed in a timely, efficent manner. I have been dealing with this issue for three weeks now, is that not long enough! I responded to his email... I sure did. I was nice, but I was direct. I informed him of what they had told me and that it was their advice to meet with her first prior to any other actions. I attempted. She didn't respond and it is obvious that soon, I am going to have their asses on a platter - I will feed it to my dog and she will more than likely puke them up! So now, I need your advice, do I:
1. Just wait it out and see how long it takes for someone to get back to me?
2. Totally annoy them because it IS their job to handle and deal with our problems?
3. Go straight to the department of education and reem him a new asshole of having absolute degenerates working to better the future leaders?
-Career Woman