A Career Woman and A Housewife

Here's the deal, this our blog... This is where we come to write about our lives. The Good. The Bad. The Ugly. And of course, The Beautiful. We welcome anyone to come on in, take a look around and have a few laughs. Nothing makes us happier than nice comments and finding a new BLOG friend. If you can't handle what we have to say, just leave quietly and pretend you've never been here...We will retaliate.

Thursday, May 26, 2005

By Request

I was emailed earlier this afternoon by a certain someone who asked if A Career Woman and a Housewife take blog requests. Well we sure do Kiddies, so this certain someone asked me to write an Open Letter to her sister-in-law. You might be questioning, why her sister-in-law. Well she has a very good reason to put in a request to a Career Woman and Housewife, because we all know how we take out people who double-cross us. It will become blatantly obvious that not only has this sister-in-law from hell double-crossed a good friend of mine, but she double-crossed me. As is obvious, nobody, EVER, gets away with this without some hateration, and... an Open Letter. Therefore....

An Open Letter to the Cucky-Faced Sister-In-Law of My K-Pac Whose Name We Won't Post, but it rhymes with "Taimee":

First off, I would just like to say that you are cucky-faced for a variety of reasons. I chose the term "cucky-faced" for a couple of reasons, one being that you are two-faced bitch, and two, that it is cucky. First I will provide our commentators regarding this letter addressed to you, Cucky-Face with why you are receiving an open letter for the hell you've put my K Pac through. Numero Uno, you are a shitty matron-of-honor to my dearest friend because you lie about the bride, her maid-of-honor, and her family. (i.e. your in-laws). You have forced us to change and alter the color of your race, because you are not white, you are GREEN with envy of A Career Woman and her K-Pac. (I should also state that your green skin tone will not go well with her choice of bridesmaid dresses - that should be enough reason to cut you from the list initially). "Taimee," let me describe to you, your matron-of-honor duties because I believe you have been misled. Number 1, you are supposed to be a good friend, relative, dog, whatever to the bride. You have failed miserably at number one. You have attempted to get her mad at me, her maid-of-honor and her family. Number 2, you are supposed to offer support to the bride and groom and their marriage. Again, Taimee, a miserable attempt has been made to cause friction in the bridal party."Friction" can not be erased changed to "support." Different defintions - let's read up on that, k? Number 3, you are supposed to be happy for the bride, who is your sister-in-law, and again, I do not consider jealously, rage, and envy to fall under Number 3's classification. Another miserable attempt - I hope you aren't this good at your job - sheesh. Please study this this evening because I am all out of lessons for today.

Now on to why you have pissed me off. I do not like getting a phone call from one of my best friends concerned that I have said something negative about them, their wedding, or their family. Especially while I am perched on my bed with snot running down my nose and a slight fever. I like to talk about happy thoughts, such as flowers, weddings, puppies, babies, and your demise. I also do not appreciate your poor attempt to cause me to believe that my future mother-in-law is talking smack. See you made a mistake "Taimee" when you "repeated" what you "heard," because you are obviously not very familar with A Career Woman and a Housewife's blog. If we feel as though we are being personally attacked, we will chew you up, and spit you right back out, then people will comment on what an ass you are. Here, it turns out that the negative, false accusations that you have made regarding the demeanor of myself and my future mother-in-law has been discrete definations and explanations for the jealous, envious behavior. Look, we know we are pretty and your face is cucky. We know that your husband would rather sleep with a dog with mange he picked up on Grant Street in the ghetto than your skinny, cucky-faced, freckled body, but DO NOT personally attack me, my future family, or my best friend. Do not challenge us, you will lose. Just stay envious of us - get some pointers, and fix your own life. Ours are just fine without your assine input. I appreciate your concern. I can also appreciate you playing our game. But you lost.

Sincerely,
Career Woman

14 Comments:

  • At 8:55 AM, Blogger Doug said…

    Remind me never to piss either of you or your friends or your friends friends or your relatives or friends of your relatives off.

     
  • At 9:07 AM, Anonymous Kristin said…

    LOVE. IT. Thank you so much! This, people, is why I love a Career Woman and a Housewife so freakin' much! I was laughing so hard I started crying. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! I needed that. Like I said, I'm finding it harder and harder as the days go by that I don't march my little butt (ha ha ha, I said little butt) over to her house and chew her out like never before. But... I guess I have to remember what the outcome of that would lead to! So thanks for taking out my frustrations! LOVE YOU SO MUCH!

     
  • At 9:09 AM, Anonymous Kristin said…

    Oh- and do you think Saturday may be alittle tense while dress shopping??? hmmmm... I told my mom to not leave you nor I in a dressing room alone with her. Only one may walk out in the end, and I think you know which one!!!

     
  • At 9:26 AM, Blogger Erin said…

    ahaha!
    oh!
    i love you!

    that was great!!??
    my hopes that she gets fat and gains a lot of weight right before the wedding, making all ya'll look EVEN SKINNIER than you already are! because, well, that would just be perfect!

     
  • At 9:38 AM, Blogger A Career Woman and A Housewife said…

    Oooh, I like this idea, Special Requests! I'm open for takings too. Nothing moves me like a good open letter!
    -Housewife

     
  • At 10:00 AM, Blogger KE said…

    Please remind Mrs. Cucky-Face that her husband enjoys my tig ol' bitties. See how she and her negative-AA-cups feel about that.

     
  • At 10:10 AM, Anonymous Alexa said…

    I hardly understood what the heck you were talking about, although it's clear that you have some serious, and justifiable, rage. I'm very sorry this person double-crossed you and caused your family so much pain. I appreciate your freedom to post whatever you want, but this kind of personal "hate" post turns your beautiful blog into a place that I don't want to spend my precious time on.

    I'm totally bummed.
    Alexa

     
  • At 10:12 AM, Anonymous Kristin said…

    I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH! KE- um, yeah, I would have to say Raimee doesn't really like you either (I'm assuming only) because Kenny keeps saying how he loves you and how sweet you are and how he forgot how pretty you are and and and- yeah, I'd bet my right leg she don't like ya! Jeal-OUS.

    You guys have seriously made me feel so much better! I was really down in the dumbs... You guys are the greatest friends EVER!

    Nikki- I have a reguest for you as well. I think you should do a big post on your two precious little girls because every time you post a picture I set it as my backgroud for my computer and everyone at the office loves it! Plus everyone that comes into the office too. I have her "mad face" picture on right now and I just laugh when I look at it! More pictures!

     
  • At 10:25 AM, Blogger A Career Woman and A Housewife said…

    HAHAHAHA...I just feel bad for people that take "blogs" and life so seriously. Take a joke, have a few laughs and get on with it...JEEZE!
    -Housewife

     
  • At 10:28 AM, Blogger A Career Woman and A Housewife said…

    ok.ok.ok. Oh my dear, dear Alexa. A friend of mine finds our open letters hysterical - we do them for laughs, so she requested we do one for someone who gave her some trouble - as you can see, it cheered her up. I'd call that "beautiful." Everything on this blog is not meant to be taken seriously. So laugh along with us, or if you're offended. Don't. Come. Back. Simple as that!
    -Career Woman

     
  • At 11:24 AM, Blogger The Dirty South said…

    honestly...can we quit pissing people off...o.k. i am going to the pool...have a good day

     
  • At 11:25 AM, Anonymous Kristin said…

    Oh. No. She. DIdn't. Take the fun out of my happy little blogger post by Career Woman. Shit girl, lighten up. I refuse to name my first child Alexa now! If this was too confusing honey, try a little easier reading. I like to recommend Green Eggs and Ham.

     
  • At 12:04 PM, Blogger A Career Woman and A Housewife said…

    seeeeee...told ya not to piss us off
    -Career Woman

     
  • At 3:12 PM, Blogger TrueJerseyGirl said…

    Its your blog and you can tell off whomever you would like, however you would like. That's the beauty of it. And your regular readers ENJOY it. So there.

     

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