A Career Woman and A Housewife

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Monday, May 16, 2005

Friday Night in NC

It seriously takes an act of Congress for a Housewife to go out with the girls on a Friday night!

Career Woman was to pick me up at 7:30p.m. Now it typically takes me about an hour to shower, do my hair, get dressed and put on make up. When I say typically, that means with out interuption and without too much rush. However, in The House of Never Ending Candy and Popscicles, functions one small bathroom, a very frusterated Housewife, one nagging Mother, and 2 crying children. The Housewife was frusterated because she had to go to Wal-Mart to get pull-ups for one of the crying children before she went out and the nagging mother had to come along. The nagging mother has a serious problem that should required therapy when it comes to "being quick" in Wal-Mart. It can't happen. Ever. I stressed many times the whole way to Wal-Mart that I MUST be home by 6:15p.m. so I could get ready to go out.

Housewife did not make it home until 6:45p.m. I flew into the shower (taking just a few extra seconds to scrub away at my orange feet). Then, I attempted to straighten my hair. This may be not so much of a big deal to some people out there, but this girl has the thickest, frizziest, curliest hair EVER. By this time I am sweating bullets, it's 80 degrees outside and I just blew hot air at my head for 35 minutes straight and my mom is screaming for me to change Sophia's messed diaper. At this time Career Woman is knocking on my door and this frizzy haired, no make-up, sweatin' (but still pretty) girl is no where near ready to be seen on the town. And may I add that I busted my thumb nail while letting her in the door, I bled and had to wear a bandaid on my thumb the whole night. Sure that would be alright if I wanted to be like Nelly or something. Am cool.

Hi. Career Woman here. I just wanted to vouge for the beginning of Housewife's story. To start things off, I agree that some type of bill needs to be passed in order for Housewife to be allowed for a night on the town. But have no fear, Career Woman was here. I nipped her hectic life and children right in the bud. I played guitar (yes, just like, Ricky Sambora) for Sophie, and then played with flying ducks "at their wedding," with Bella. So Housewife had a few minutes on her own to primp and pamper her lovely tressels! I'll let her tell ya about the car ride over!

Okay, so we are finally able to exit the house. Bertha has yelled and shouted my name 8 million and one times to clean out the shower. I clean out the shower, get in the car, and thank gawd Career Woman is driving because I have to take the 8 minute car trip to Mulligans to apply lipstick, help Big Daddy balance the checkbook via cell phone (See, Housewife can still perfrom her Housewife-ish duties while preparing to become intoxicated), and fight with my mother. Yes, Bertha called me during my busy car ride to tell me that I have left a bottle of shampoo on the bottom of the shower. Not so sure what it was that she wanted me to do about it since we were pulling in Mulligan's parking lot. But it was somehow nessacary that I was informed of this. Bertha made me cry. I wiped my tears. Re-applied mascarra. And returned to my hotness and went into Mulligan's.


Hola, Career Woman here... So we get to Mulligans and poor K-Pac and flava were waiting for us on the dining room side (a.k.a. the boring side). Mulligans was packed. And you know what this means. There were lots of people we knew and liked, didn't like, strangers we did not know but made fun of their outfits, men who wanted us - Sorry boys, we're taken! But we had a good time. But of course, we get the one waitress in the place whom obviously hates us both (you'll have that), and more than likely our food was served with feces, urine, and hockers in it. Mmmm...Yummy! We were worried that we led our readers astray, because the first half hour consisted of no one to make fun of.

Housewife here! What Career Woman forgot to mention was, we shared a meal, Career Woman ordered and payed for it...see it was just like a date, just short of a goodnight kiss...who knows maybe there was one...no no no no no. We ate, laughed, and fixed my shirt about 100 times because my breastestess were just dying to jump out of my shirt and onto the table. Again we were in the dining room so it was pretty uneventful at first. Except that K Pac and her fiance saw my bra more times than what they would have liked. Usually we would be making fun of the hussied up girls pushing their way to the bar, that's just how we operate. Fun at the expense of others. That's what you have to do when your on a budget. But, over in the dinning room there's just families and middle-ages couples having dinner, nothing to exciting, until......

A middle-aged woman walked into the restuarant wearing a lime green, tiger-striped blouse and pants suit, if you will. And as if this wasn't bad enough...I am postive that her and her husband had a lovely meal because she must have had an entire Mulligan's Chicken Bone stuck in her teeth. The woman in the lime green tiger stripes pulled out an economy sized package of dental floss from her purse, unraveled all 10 feet of it and began sawing away at her lower gum...back and forth for a good 10 minutes (hopefully she will be touching up her, now smudged, bright red lipstick). And if THIS wasn't bad enough the Mulligan's Chicken Bone came flying out of her mouth and poked her husband right in the eye. No it didn't. But that would have been a good ending to the story.

K Pac and her sidekick had to leave for a party but by this time 4 of our other friends joined us at the table. And as I said, there was, laughing, talking, eating, drinking, and more laughing. And I do mean laughing...our 2 friends Matt and Billy were telling stories about when they were younger and at one point I looked up and every table in the dining room was looking at us and laughing right along with their stories. We are that loud.

Career Woman is back! We decided to leave Mulligan's to go meet Bertha (she was already in a bad mood, and we were already late). We do not meet Bertha at a place similar to Mulligans. No, no, no. You found this Career Woman and a Housewife in a Biker bar on a Friday night. Say it with us, "B-I-K-E-R BAR." Such a bar, it was called "Rick's Rocky Top Inn." Let me just set the scene for you. The bar consisted of middle-aged to older men and women in self-made, cut off Levi's, cut-off flannel shirts, greasy ponytails on women AND men. Chaps, leather vests, and cowboy boots were also worn. We were greeted by Dirty Biker Guy #1 and Dirty Biker Guy #2 as soon as we reached the bar. Housewife bought Career Woman a beer and herself a st-rong cranberry, applepucker and vodka. We were offered seats by Dirty Biker Guy #1 and Dirty Biker Guy #2. We declined (thank you very much), and went about our business. We overheard an "intelligent," conversation between Dirty Biker Guy #1 and Dirty Biker Guy #2 regarding a Career Woman and a Housewife. Dirty Biker Guy #1 said to Dirty Biker Guy #2 "What do you want to order?" and Dirty Biker Guy #2 replied by saying "I want one of 'dem 'der women." The "women" he was referring to was yours truly. We declined again. But the fun wasn't over yet.... no, no, no.

So Career Woman and I were seated at a table, with plastic chairs, and a checkered, sticky tablecloth, and in walks our amusement for the evening. Remember the conversation we typically have that we posted about, when below is our actual conversation regarding a group of girls who walked into the biker bar.

CW: Do you know who that is that is sitting up there?
HW: No, who is that?
CW: Blah Blah
HW: Ohhhhh, didn't people used to call her something because of the funny way she walks?
CW: Yep, they called her a waddling duck.
HW: That's right!... She got FAT.
CW: Heck ya she did...and when she talks to you, she doesn't look at you or something.
HW: Isn't that like a sign of self-esteem or something?
CW: Yeah, but not for her, she's just defective.

So was I right, or was I right about our typical conversations when A Career Woman and a Housewife go out for a night on the town? Anyways, sorry this post was so long awaited, if blogger was not such an asshole, you would have had this for your enjoyment Saturday evening as Housewife and I sat home and posted!
-A Career Woman and A Housewife

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6 Comments:

  • At 12:15 PM, Blogger The Dirty South said…

    Was the person you saw at Bertha's Harley Bar also known as the UNABOOBER?

     
  • At 1:19 PM, Anonymous Jason Wilkers said…

    I'm going to visit more often if these are the girls that run this site! Beautiful girls. I will be sure to pass onto my friends!

     
  • At 5:32 AM, Blogger A Career Woman and A Housewife said…

    Dirty South
    -Correct!

    Jason Wilkers,
    Um, we luv you - come back! Career Woman is on the left and Housewife is far right, our friend K-Pac is in the middle!
    -Career Woman

     
  • At 7:10 AM, Blogger LĂ©onie said…

    Aww.. pretty ladies you certainly are! The photo presumably was taken before you transformed into butch biker chicks with Harley t-shirts and moustaches?

     
  • At 7:20 AM, Blogger Erin said…

    can i go shopping with you? the shirts? pretty!!!

     
  • At 10:58 AM, Blogger A Career Woman and A Housewife said…

    come shopping anytime!
    -Career Woman my shirt is Express!

     

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