A Career Woman and A Housewife

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Friday, May 20, 2005

An Open Letter to The Crazy Lunatic that Stole My Pillow

Dear Crazy Lunatic that Stole My Pillow,

As a fellow apartmentee, if you want to call that a word, but who cares cause your the Lunatic, I'm sure that you realize that it is hard enough to co-exist in an establishment that houses 20 functioning families and only 2 washers and 2 dryers. We all have lived with the dumbasses that throw our clean laundry onto the floor with no consideration that the floor is in fact gross, just so they could get their load in. We have also put up with asshats that have stopped the dryer half way through your cycle (that you have paid your hard earned dollar for) to throw your still-wet-clean-laundry onto the dirty floor and now you have to pay another dollar and wash it all over again cause God knows nasty floor cuckies stick to wet clothes. My point being, it is one thing to put up with these impatient halfwits, but it is another thing to put up with people that STEAL YOUR PILLOW.

Crazy Lunatic that Stole My Pillow, I don't know what has possessed you to commit such a ridiculous crime. Were you casually strolling past the laundry room at 9 o'clock at night and decided "Hey, I'm tired, I think I'll take that wet pillow out of the dryer and get a little shut eye?" Whatever your reason was, I think your a Crazy Lunatic.

Let me tell you a story, Crazy Lunatic that Stole My Pillow. I spent the last two days chasing my 1 year old around the house with my steam cleaner. Why? She is sick. Yes, sick. So sick, that she has stopped every 5 minutes to either puke or shit on my carpets. This morning, Crazy Lunatic that Stole My Pillow, she came running into my bed just in time to throw up all over it. Including my pillow. The same pillow in which she then curled up on and runny diarrhea then gushed out from the sides of her diaper onto the pillow. All the bed stuff and my pillow then had to sit, piled up, in a corner for the rest of the day until I was able to get it to the wash. I did not get it into the wash until 8:30 this evening. That means that the said pillow has sat in puke and shit All. Day. Long ...long enough for it to soak into every fiber of it's fluffiness.

Now, one must wonder when they see a pillow in the wash. Pillows are not something you usually wash, just for the hell of it. Why did you think my pillow was in the wash, Crazy Lunatic that Stole My Pillow? I'll tell you why. It had PUKE AND SHIT ON IT! I hope that as you lie your twisted brain case on my pillow tonight, it still smells like PUKE and SHIT. Then, maybe you will think twice about being the Crazy Lunatic that Steals Peoples Pillows ever again.

Sweet Dreams,



  • At 8:31 PM, Blogger Erin said…

    hahahah! oh, i'm so sorry about your wee one being sick with the shits and the puke, but i'm sorry, that was the funniest thing i read all day!!!

    my day was filled with temper tantrums and lots of frustration - and thats not even the kids! well, wait, that was the kids, i just kept mine inside! hearing, "NO!" all damn day will make one go insane, and the fact that some asshat stole your shit/puke pillow is almost worth the funny-ness that they don't KNOW that it had shit/puke on it, and makes me laugh very hard right now!!!!

    i'll eat a freshly baked (but not homemade - thank the lord above for those break n bake cookies) cookie for you, and plop my butt down and lay my head on the dog, since i don't have my pillow here.

    haha, and you should totally post a sign in the laundry room that says to the asshat that the pillow had shit/puke on it and all day it swam in the shit/puke mess, and see how much stuff people return!!!

  • At 11:45 PM, Blogger Bug said…

    People are SO very weird, aren't they? My flatmate had her car broken into in a shopping centre carpark and ALL they took was her pillow, sitting on the backseat. They didn't take her CDs, her sunglasses, even the pack of cigarettes sitting on the dashboard. All they wanted was the pillow

    Do you think there's some sort of worldwide cult that worships pillows as gods or something?

  • At 10:33 AM, Blogger Me said…

    Sorry about the trauma with the one year old but serves the pillow stealer right...
    Post the note definitely..but do it a night after they will have slept on it...



  • At 10:52 AM, Anonymous tommy said…

    Michele sent me.

    It's amazing what people will take. What do you do with someone's pillow? I wonder if he keeps it out to show to his friends.

    I also wonder why I just assume it's a guy that stole it.

  • At 11:14 AM, Blogger -xtessa- said…

    :lol: came via michele's and when i checked my blog, i found out that you dropped by!

    that is a funny story. my hubby's pants actually didn't return from the laundromat... must've walked away on its own.;)

  • At 11:16 AM, Blogger Dawn said…

    Thats just crazy....my ex was like that he would steal stipd things just for the thrill of it. I could not take it anymore and we split.

    Michele sent me

  • At 2:52 PM, Blogger vegemiterules said…

    G'day Nikki,

    Great post mate, made me laugh, sorry about that. Was not laughing at you.

    What a dipstick, I hope that that crazy lunatic that stole your pillow reads your note when you put it up on the wall in the laundry.

    Hope your one year old feels better.

    I have had the pleasure of visitng via Michel's M&G, have a great weekend.

  • At 2:58 PM, Anonymous Paul said…

    Perhaps the 'Crazy Lunatic that Steal Peoples Pillows' (from now on refered to as CLTSPP) had a moment of nostaligai over your wet shitty pukey pillow and couldn't resist the urge to be a CLTSPP and take it! Just a thought.. Nice blog..



  • At 3:18 PM, Anonymous Pearl said…

    Frustrating but a certain cosmic or poetic justice seems to have be served to the person who took it.

    Hope your baby's feeling better soon

    Hi from Michele's meet and greet.

  • At 3:21 PM, Blogger rugdesigner said…

    OMG, people are crazy! Serves the lunatic right.

    Hope the little one is much better soon.

    Thanks for stopping by!

  • At 9:08 PM, Anonymous terrilynn said…

    Hahaha! I'm sorry your wee one is sick, but your post made me laugh my head off.

    I'm here via Michele tonight.

  • At 9:48 PM, Blogger Kevin said…

    After all of my endeavors toward athiesm you convince me the Karmic wheel still spins.

  • At 7:38 AM, Blogger TheBisch said…

    That's pretty disgusting... I think I'd throw said pillow out after that. Serves the Crazy Lunatic right.

    Here from Michele's... thanks for the laugh.

  • At 8:15 AM, Anonymous Lucy Jane said…

    OMG, serves that Crazy Lunatic Pillow theif right, to steal a puke and crap stained pillow. YUCK!

    Take care
    Michele sent me!

  • At 8:22 AM, Blogger Miss Cow is a Cow said…

    ROFL. Oh that is too funny. Look at the bright side: at least now you don't have to wonder if the pillow is REALLY clean every time you lay on it!

    Gotta look at the bright side...plus some schmuck is laying on a gross-@ss pillow!! Isn't poetic justice grand?

    Here via Michele's Meet and Greet.

  • At 1:07 PM, Blogger -E said…

    Sorry to hear your little one is sick, but that letter is hilarious!

    Here via Michele.

  • At 1:30 PM, Blogger MommaK said…

    Eeewww! Serves them right!

  • At 1:30 PM, Blogger annie said…

    I would assume "head lice" and leave the pillow alone.

    Oh, I miss the laundromat days. I was always the one sitting in the corner guarding my laundry ( with a couple beers in my purse.)

  • At 2:17 PM, Anonymous chatty said…

    Are you kidding me? Who the hell takes a pillow from the dryer? I remember in college, someone went through and stole every pair of underwear from the dryers. We were a little wigged out for quite a spell....and had to go commando! LOL

  • At 5:54 AM, Blogger Doug said…

    The last time my child was that sick, I started throwing bedding out. I got tired of washing the bedding (pillows, blankets, sheets), stuffed animals, the floor, the toilet, the sinks, the carpet, the walls and all the clothing. I gave up. If it was bad, it went in the trash.


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