A Career Woman and A Housewife

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Monday, May 23, 2005

An Open Letter to the Mucus in my Throat

Disclaimer: I apologize for the contents of this letter. If you are in anyway grossed out by mucus, such as I, read on...it's not that bad.

Dear Un-invited, highly hated, forever forming, Mucus in my Throat:

You have worn out your welcome. To be quite frank with you, I have had enough. You not-so-gently awoken me from my peaceful slumber Thursday evening, billowing in the back of my throat. You have leaked through every orphus of my body, including: nose, stomach, ass, and throat. You have made me queasy and gag-like for approximately four days now and it is time that you are "nexted." (Like the show on MTV).

I did appreciate your presence slightly on Friday for the coating of infection gracing the back of my throat. For when you were there, it did not pain me to swallow water, gatorade, or soup. For a mini-second, your graciousness was highly accepted. That is until you made me throw-up. You see dear un-invited, highly hated, forever forming mucus in my throat, you have made me throw up. Not once, but twice.

Maybe I should explain something to you. I am afraid to throw up (although I do do it quite frequently) because I tend to bring on anxiety attacks not allowing me to breathe, in turn, fearing for my life. You, mucus, have made an attempt of homocide since late Thursday night until early Saturday morning. You have waken my household for two nights now, because I can not throw up alone (refer to previous post). No one likes you anymore.

But you left again on Saturday and this was half-heartedly appreciated as well. You see, when you packed your bags and hauled ass outta my throat, I quit sneezing, and I quit throwing up, and then I could breathe. However, you left me with pain. Yup, you did. My throat began to hurt again, because apparently you made yourself a great shield to knifing, needle pains each time I swallowed my saliva or a beverage. But, I figured that this lack of un-invited, highly hated, forever forming mucus in my throat meant I was getting better and could then treat my bed sores from not moving for 48 hours. I was utterly gracious of your demise - apparently too soon.

You see dear un-invited, highly hated, forever forming mucus in my throat, it is Monday afternoon and for some reason I can only accept the fact that you came back because you like me. But let's make something clear. I do not like you back. No. My throat is beginning to feel better and you have misled me because my throat is feeling better because you have rejoined the germ infested party in the back of my throat and are going swimming with your friends in my belly again. The pool party is over. Am I clear? You see, if you force me throw up again, I will have to do so at work. I refuse. Because someone, in the LADIES (that is right - I said Ladie's room) restroom has spit tabacco on the toliet seat and I will not wipe it up (which may just lead to another open letter). So I can't throw up today - I am too busy to throw up. Get it?
This is fair warning. If you do not show your white flag... well I don't know what I'll do, but I'll do something, you are going to be in big trouble mister. Remove yourself, and do it quickly, miraculously, and spiritually because I refuse to throw, spit, or shit you out. Are we clear, Mucus?

Thank you sometimes,
Career Woman

6 Comments:

  • At 9:57 AM, Blogger Erin said…

    actifed.

    i've been taking it since wednesday. it only works for four hours (i know, groan), but for those four hours, its glorious!
    and until i can find somehting that works for 8 hours, i will continue to watch the clock and wait for my next dose!!!

    hope you are feeling better!

     
  • At 10:56 AM, Blogger A Career Woman and A Housewife said…

    thank you, and if you have a treacherous cold - I suggest advil multi-symptom cold - works miracles!
    -Career woman

     
  • At 12:04 PM, Blogger The Dirty South said…

    I am scared of you...that's all I have to say

     
  • At 12:51 PM, Blogger A Career Woman and A Housewife said…

    P.S.... in reference to our personal meme... I had a brain fart and came up with new names for Pumpkinface's and mine's children, but I know remember after talking it over with him:

    Girl: Camryn
    Boy: 1.Eddie and 2. Jackson

    Cute...huh?!?!?!?! :)
    -Career Woman

     
  • At 7:40 PM, Blogger Erin said…

    very cute names!
    i love the name jackson, but if a and i get married and we have kids, i can't name the kid jackson, because of a's last name (which i won't reveal online, since he hasn't introduced himself to the blogging world yet) but trust me, it would be a name kids would make fun of him for....

    sigh, too bad i love it though!

     
  • At 7:13 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

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