A Day in the Life of Housewife
I then proceeded hobbling to the kitchen singing "I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8 and yelled to the cabbi yo homes smell ya later looked at my kingdom I was finally there to sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel-Air.....
Then as I finished with the little na da na na na na na and did the little headed spin just like the Fresh Prince himself, something in my back snapped and VOILA! Better. Who needs drugs when you have the Fresh Prince? True story.
Took a Shower: Not an easy task when your by yourself with 2 small children. I've tried all the other ways. They are not sufficient. The only way I can get it done is to bring the whole crew into the bathroom with me. Before it was done, I had one small person wearing a Pull Up sitting on the drain with the water rising above my ankles and another small person trying to shave her legs. But we survived. Even the fall as we stepped out of the shower and onto the soaked bathroom floor. There goes my back again. (Mental note: it is absolutely impossible to keep the shower curtain in a closed position when you have a shower full of toddlers).
Out the Door: I had some errands to run today. First stop, STAPLES. Had to get a ink cartridge so I could finish printing pictures for a scrapbook page. The scrapbook that I have neglected for months but now feel pressured to start again because Career Woman is all caught up in the terrible addiction of scrapbooking and it's making me feel like I should really be finishing mine.
Now, I have been to this STAPLES once before. When I first moved here to Mass. I was new and disoriented and just thought that I looked out of place and that is why the people there were so friendly to me. But now, a 10 month resident, I feel comfortable and confident and feel that despite the fact that I can pronounce words correctly, I blend in with the New Englanders rather well. For this, I have no other reason to assume that this particular STAPLES is just where the Freakishly Friendly People work. I felt like the freakin' Queen of England in that place. You couldn't get better service at a Country Club. It was kind of spooky. It would not have surprised me if someone began to massage my feet as I stood in line. Now there are places that you shop where you could expect to have your ass kissed but....STAPLES? Scary. I'm thinking about writing a letter to STAPLES and telling them that I refuse to come back to that store until I'm treated like shit. Would that be weird? Cause seriously people, I'm afraid to go back there...they are Aliens!
Then to the scrapbook store. I actually thought I could look around and maybe even make a purchase in the scrapbook store with my kids with me. Huh. What a fool. I lasted a total of 3 minutes there. I was just a figment of the cashier's imagination. When she wakes up tonight from the sound of kids screaming she'll remember that the stressed out woman carrying the screaming banshee with a troll running at her feet, was in fact real.
Over to the grocery store for a few odd and ends. I had a small fight with Bella over some cupcakes and asked an Asian woman who I'll assume did not speak English to excuse me 5 five time cause she was blocking the aisle way, all while she stood there looking at me like I was naked. Checked to see if I WAS naked. Might explain why the Freakishly Friendly STAPLES People were so nice to me. WASN'T. Then left without gravy because I was too lazy to go up and around the aisle that was guarded by the Asian woman who I'll assume did not speak English.
Then over to McDonald's for lunch. Not my favorite choice, but I was out voted by the Ronald McDonald fan club sitting in car seats behind me. All because of the Playland..whoo-hoo! The very Playland that you cannot "play in" if you are not wearing socks. My very disappointed children who were wearing sandals, did not have socks on. No problem. I'll buy them at the counter. The McDonald's back home sold socks at the counter for $1 a pair. Problem solved. Nope. The half-wit behind the cash register might as well had called the manager over to help her laugh at me. Silly Housewife. Why would you ever think that the McDonald's with out the drive-through would also sell socks like every other effing McDonalds in the universe?
Oh, BTW I found out WHY there are no drive-throughs within a 50 mile radius of me. It apparently "degrades the town." Yes, a drive through supposedly degrades the snootiness of mere existence of Littleton, Acton, Westford, Concord and Lexington. The only way fast food restaurants were allowed to build in these towns were if they did not have a drive-though and were considered a "sit down restaurant." Woopty frickin' Dooo. McDonald's magically becomes a high class eating facility if you just chop off the outside menu and the speaker. After a fit of tears (from the kids, not me) I wander back to my table, clicking my sockless heels together. There's no place like home, There's no place like home, There's no place like home.
Back Home: I stumbled through the door carrying the dead weight of my sleeping baby and 5 bags of groceries, listening to Bella cry because the toy from her Happy Meal that she had to carry in "was too heavy."
Are there any takers out there willing to give me a day off? Anyone? Yoo hooo? Helloooo.
And I didn't even tell you how my evening was.