A Career Woman and A Housewife

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Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Marriage: Rings VS. Tattoos

Be warned. Housewife is about to get philosophical on you.

Since our first child was born, Big Daddy made talk about getting a tattoo with Isabella's name and also...Mine. This was 4 years ago. He never actually got the tattoo. Mostly because he never found the time or one that he really liked. Partially because I constantly chirped in his ear "Are you sure you really want to tattoo my name on you." This was always followed by a silly conversation consisting of Big Daddy questioning if I was planning on leaving him and me telling him "What if I died tomorrow? Your still young. You would surely remarry. I would want you to. How would your new wife feel about my name on you?" This is truly silly conversation. Reason? Number 1) I would NEVER leave my sweet Big Daddy EVER! And Number 2) If I died and he really got remarried to some bitch, I would haunt the living hell out of them for the rest of their lives!

So years went on of no tattoo and the same silly conversation. Then our second child was born and the tattoo fever attacked Big Daddy again. Same silly conversation. Over time the idea of the tattoo got lost somewhere between switching jobs and moving our lives 624 mile away from the place we call home, New Castle PA. At least I thought it did. Big Daddy hadn't mentioned it in a while.

As you all know we have been spending a lot of time at the beach and on the way to the beach there is a place call Tattoo America that sticks out like a sore thumb along the only road that takes you into Hampton Beach. Of course Big Daddy eyes the place up and down every single time we pass it. One day he pulled in..."Just to look." He came out with this little twinkle in his. I know this twinkle. It's the twinkle that is usually followed by the silly conversation. And it was.

So I tell Big Daddy "Go ahead and get one with Isabella and Sophia's names on it. It will be cute." Big Daddy's reply: "If I'm getting the girl's name put on me, I'm getting all three of my girl's names put on me." Que in silly conversation.

There comes a point when even the strongest people just give in. "OK,OK,OK...If that's what you really want to do, it's your body, go ahead and do it. BUT! (there's always a but) Just remember, I'm not asking you to do this. Your doing this on your own free will." Then I secretly hoped that by me giving my permission, the excitement of the tattoo wouldn't seem so exciting to him anymore. I was wrong.

Guess what we did on The Forth of July...Go ahead guess......

Your getting warmer.....


Ok, here comes the part where I get philosophical on you.

I love Big Daddy more than words can say. We have such an awesome bond between us that it's almost scary. We have all the love, loyalty and trust that a relationship can handle. We talk about growing old together and we mean it. We took vows before God, vows that we meant, vows that we'll keep. If you haven't got the picture...We are in this for life. Neither of us are going anywhere. So why does the fact that he has my name permanently marked on his arm bother me?

I know why I always asked him not to get it. I never wanted it to be a way he proved his love to me. I had this fear that he would get this tattoo and then stop telling me he loved me every day. I was afraid he would think that he made the ultimate devotion my putting my name on him. A devotion that overruled every way there was to show affection like he didn't have to do it anymore because he put my name on him. I also didn't want it to become his defense over every little spat we ever had like him saying" Well I got your name tattooed on me, what have you done?" Also as much as it pains me to admit I care what people think, I didn't want anyone to ever think that I MADE him get my name tattooed on him, ya know? I don't need him to have a tattoo of my name to know that he loves me and I don't want him to think that he needed to do that to prove his love.

And as nice as the tattoo looks. And I must admit it's kind of sexy. I can't help but get this little lump in my throat every time I see it. WHY?????

I've put a lot of though into it these past few days. If I lived in a TV commercial there would be a little transparent tattoo levitating over my head. And this is what I have come up with.

We live in a country where divorce is so common that we make bets at wedding receptions about how long the marriage will last. It's a sad fact. I'm sure all of you have done it or at least thought it once in your life as you watch the bride toss her bouquet over her shoulder. It's gotten to the point where people marry without hesitation cause, Hey if it doesn't work out you can always send for a mail order divorce. My point being...When someone puts a wedding band on your finger it's really not so scary...By the time your mail order divorce goes through, you have already slipped the ring off and tucked it away in your dresser drawer. No harm done.

I never take off my wedding ring. When I look at it, I can't help but smile and see my self standing at the alter marrying the man I always new I would marry someday, I see promise and I see my future. But...I have a cousin who tossed off her wedding ring 1 month after her wedding and did the unthinkable. Why was it so easy for her? 1 month! Did she even take the wedding seriously? Should the ring have been a little tighter and not so easy to remove?

Then it hit me!

Seeing Big Daddy's new tattoo made my marriage to him more real. The fact that it is permanent, the fact that it makes me feel like no matter what happens now I could never leave him because he's going to the grave with MY NAME on him made the fact that marriage is for life, a reality.

So I couldn't help but wonder ( And I type that with my very best Carrie impersonation) Should tattoos be replaced with the traditional wedding band?

If it was made mandatory for couples to make a pit stop at the local tattoo parlor on their way to the wedding reception to get each other names permanently tattooed on their bodies for the rest of their lives, would people actually think twice about who they were marrying and really mean it when they say their vows before God. Would more marriages last? It may take this drastic measure for people to realize that marriage is for real.

At least it would eliminate searching for your marriage license when needed, you could just roll up your sleeve and say see "He's my husband." (Just trying to throw a little humor in there)

After I thought about all this, looking at Big Daddy's tattoo wasn't so scary anymore. I did take my wedding vows seriously. I know that marriage is the real deal. And all of the sudden I was honored and flattered to have my name proudly worn by the man that has my heart and right there next to my precious daughter's names. And every time he rolls back is sleeve and admires the tattoo saying "AWE, I LOVE IT!" I realize that I was reading into this way too much. He genuinely wanted to have us with him where ever he goes and this was his way of making it happen. I can live with that.


P.S. I tried to post pictures of the tattoo, but Hello, Blogger and My Computer hate me.


Hello and Blogger still hate me but the Kodak Easy Share Photo Gallery has some unconditional and undying love for me so you can go here to see the tattoo!


  • At 5:30 AM, Blogger Doug said…

    I had trouble posting the pictures of my kids on Monday. Anyway, I think I almost cried reading that. I was so devestated when I found out my wife did the big "A" (and more than once)it felt like all the life (past, present and future) had drained out of me. My heart was ripped out, trampled on, spit on, kicked around and then salt was poured on the would after that. This seperation has been tremendously hard on me emotionally. I thought I found my life mate, and may still have. WE took the route of seperation in the hopes that both of us can work things out, but if not, we thought it was better to part friends now instead of enemies later. I lave Candi and probably always will.

  • At 6:21 AM, Blogger Erin said…

    so 1. you aren't dead. (yay!)
    2. that was an awesome post.
    3. damnit, i want to see the tattoo!!!

  • At 8:22 AM, Blogger Kimmie said…

    I loved that post, and I agree marriage is taken WAY to lightly these days. I never take my wedding rings off either, unless I am getting them fixed, cleaned, checked or if I am playing ball OR if I am REALLY mad at him (but they don't stay off long). I love looking down at my hand, and saying to myself, "wow, I am really married, I love being married to the man who has the matching ring" and yes I do still say that and we have been married 13 years in September. I don't think a tatoo would make people take marriage commitment more seriously, they now have ways to remove tatoos (though not as quickly as a ring). I do get really disgusted by people who marry then divorce just as fast (or faster than they got married). My husband and I have been through ALOT of hardships in our marriage, problems, etc... BUT we have ALWAYS found a way to work it out, because we took vows before God (in fact we did it twice, once on our wedding day and when we renewed our vows). We have only gotten stronger with every hardship/arguement/what have you and time. We made a committment and we are in it for the long haul.
    I could go on and on but I will stop.
    Good post though.

  • At 9:20 AM, Blogger Meier Queen said…

    Housewife, my sentiments EXACTLY about people take marriage waaay to lightly these days. Its as if more people are concerned with the wedding (read: the big ass party all about them! them! them!) instead of the actual marriage. Its a wacko-bonkers way of looking at such an important event, maybe it has to do with the fact that we live in a society that believes everything is disposable and new is always better, and that unfortunately seems to include significant others. That is so sad.

    As far as the Big Daddy's new tattoo, I think it is a beautiful expression of his love for you and your girls, its exactly like you said - he wants you guys with him in some way everywhere he goes. I think its fabulous :) And I can't wait to see the pictures!

  • At 10:44 AM, Blogger Mirella said…

    I agree with others that some people do not take marriage seriously enough -- and then there are some who just don't do enough digging to determine whether or not the person they're madly in love with is really a good match for them for the rest of their lives. It's not just about love -- it's about being compatible on very basic levels and about being committed to do the work to keep things progressing along a happy, healthy road. Some people ignore those last two components, but I think they're key to relationship longevity.

    And I'm glad you've come to like the tattoo. I think it's an incredibly sweet and endearing gesture!

  • At 10:57 AM, Blogger KE said…

    You made me cry! And get a little bit sick to my stomach - only because I am so afraid of marriage for all of the reasons you discussed, but I know I'll do it someday - and it's looking like I'll be doing it without my parents' blessings, which is another reason I got a little bit sick. But you and him are so perfect and have the most beautiful family in the world and I'm so happy for you. I hope if/when I get married I have a marriage like yours. Can't wait to see the tattoo!

  • At 11:27 AM, Blogger -xtessa- said…

    that is such a sweet post... it is so sad that marriage has become such a shallow thing, something you can easily rid of. tattoo or wedding rings, i knew that when i got married that it would be for keeps. aside the fact that divorce is not legal in my country, my husband and i never took our vows lightly. as i would always joke, i tell him that i invested too much on him to return him to his mother now.;)

  • At 11:37 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Well c'mon after all that i wanna see the damn tattoo....

  • At 11:41 AM, Blogger PAYNTERinFLORIDA said…

    Well married one..you raise many issues of love, loyality and fidelity. Now that I've read this I feel kinda cheated not seeing that tattoo and I'm gonna check back in hopes you post it now...PS. my daughter's name is Sophia too.....great blog by the way....

  • At 12:30 PM, Blogger McLaughy said…

    I think some people are just crazy, tattoo or not, if they are not gonna commit, they are not gonna commit.

  • At 1:23 PM, Blogger A Career Woman and A Housewife said…

    I got a bunch of chills and excitement all at once. Considering I am on the road to marriage, I agree with you whole-heartedly. And I agree meier queen who gave me a little slap in the face as I am planning this big ass thing and realizing that the best part about it is is that I wanted to marry this boy since we were in 2nd grade (aha, and I have my diary to prove it). I also agree with Mirella that it isn't just about love, you need to be compatible on multiple levels. So Pumpkinface and I didn't always take the right road in the past, but "past is past." If anyone was more of a match for me now it'd only be me. Thanks for that little wake-up call Housewife, and I believe what Big Daddy did was very sweet and I think it's very sweet that you didn't demand it either. On the note of tatoos instead of wedding bands, um no. Definately not as pretty as beautiful diamonds! :) Aren't we just the luckiest ladies?!
    -Career Woman

  • At 11:02 AM, Blogger suburban mom said…

    I love it! what a great guy.

    -housewife in CA

  • At 11:46 AM, Blogger Erin said…

    i do like it, but it is kinda big...no?
    but i really do like it!

  • At 11:57 AM, Blogger Indigo said…

    Great blog, and awesome tattoo!!!

  • At 2:04 PM, Anonymous Kristin said…

    Hi Nikki! I was just doing some long over due catching up on your blog, and I must say, that this is one of my favorite posts yet! As Career Woman said, it was a bit of a slap in the face (which was needed) that I'm on the way to getting married and planning this big ass wedding and the real reason of excitement isn't the pretty dresses, flowers, and guests, but the true love and campionship I found in my true bestfriend- MATT. That was a sweet post which brought several tears rolling down my face. John's tattoo is beautiful!!! Love and miss you!

  • At 10:31 AM, Blogger heather said…

    OK - being so far away from home, your post really hit me. I love my man, but damn girl - ya' brought a tear to my eye and a big lump into my throat! BTW Great Carrie impersonation!

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