A Career Woman and A Housewife

And where should I begin?

2005-10-21T17:12:00.000-07:00

Im Alive!!!!!!!! In fear that noone will read on without a dramatic, pleading apology, I would first like to say, "I'm sorry." It's been what, forever, well if forever consists of 4 months without blogging then yep, it's been forever! But I think I have some pretty damn good excuses! Housewife explained somewhat for me and that little bugger snuck one in on me when I was computer absent in the wonderful LAS VEGAS, NEVADA!!!! Maybe I should just start there. (i.e. anything previous was just a little fun in the sun, class-work-computer free).

At the end of August, Pumpkinface and I went with my family to Las Vegas. It was the first time my man was on a vacation and what a place to spend your first huh?! There has been some talk lately of high-tailing it out of cold, rainy, western PA therefore, we decided that a trip to the dry, 115 degree heat was in store. Las Vegas was a blast! Nothing illegal went on besides a little gambling and prostitution (KIDDING), but truly, it's a great place to go!

When we got home from Las Vegas, the hell of a Career Woman started right back up. In counting, I am 6.5 months away from graduation! Thank the Good Lord. As soon as we landed, the next morning I began my internship. On top of my internship, I went back to work part time, closed on our house, and continued the wedding plans, and started back up at coursework at Duquesne.

So what would you like to hear about next? Our house? Okay. Well we bought a house a month before we left for vacation. It's a cute little starter home just big enough for us and a bambina-o in the next couple of years! Two bedrooms, one bath, kitchen, living room, bathroom, mudroom, laudry room and that should about do it for the explanations. If I could explain my style in home interior decorating, I would have to say that I am the furtherest away from country designs that you could imagine. When asked how I would describe my taste - my mom and I like to say that we are "shabby sheik." Isn't that just a beautiful term? Besides that, in my home decorating, I'd have to say that if the network that host Extreme Home Makeover were to catch wind of me, let's just say Ty Pennington would be out of a damn job kiddies.

Let's talk about the wedding, shall we? The wedding is in under 9 months now... count it with me: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 9 months! Therefore, the plans and lists of things to do are really starting to pick up and on that note... ALL MY DRESSES ARE IN! If that just doesn't make you squeal, I don't know what will!

But with that said, I'm getting tired of typing, and this new found back pain isn't help in the least bit. However, it is nice to be back and hopefully I can get Housewife back on the bandwagon and stirrin' up a little humor for all of our enjoyment. Keep in touch all ya'll! And P.S., "Mole Person," we've had enough of the commericializing yourself on our website. Thanks. Bye.
-Career Woman

Is there anybody still here?

2005-09-09T22:06:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure where to even start. I could begin by giving you every excuse I have for not posting but really what would that matter? Not Posting for 2 months is nearly an unforgivable violation of blog etiquette, especially when we just vanish into thin air with out even the courtesy of one those "I'm too overwhelmed to blog, please forgive me" posts. We thought it would just be better to leave everyone hanging...Suspense in fun. No. Actually we are inconsiderate bitches that found something better to do.

Really though...Here it comes...My "I was too overwhelmed to blog, please forgive me" post (only, I'm going to give it to you after the fact) Read on, I'll try to make as true and pathetic as it really is.

This was the very first summer that I didn't have to work since I was 16. And a beautiful, sunny summer at that! So something just snapped in me one day and I thought screw this I'm going to live this summer nothings going to tie me down...I'm gonna get up in the morning and go and not come home til the sun goes down. And that's just what I did. And it was great.And I was extremely tired at the end of the day. I'd love to tell you about my adventures and of course the crazy nutcases that I came across but there is no time right now. I'll save those stories for when I have writter's block.

But just to catch you all up to this point. I almost moved to Virginia just to find out that I will be staying in MASS for another 2 years. I spent some time home in PA over the summer. Bella had her first day of Pre-School on Thursday and both Bella and Sophia will be taking dance this year.
I'm going to have a really hectic schedule but I do solemnly swear to blog a few times a week. My mom is currently here in MASS with me, she has been here for 3 weeks and is leaving Sunday.

As for Career Woman...I can't give you an official excuse for her. I don't know exactly why she hasn't been blogging but I'm sure it has something to do with the fact that she just bought a house and is very busy planning the wedding. And she's been living it up in Vegas for the past week.

Let me know if anyone is still out there!

-Housewife

An Open Letter to The Dumb Girl Who Will One Day Drown in Her Own Ignorance

2005-07-13T19:13:00.000-07:00

Dear Dumb Girl Who Will One Day Drown in Her Own Ignorance,

You may not remember me, I was the woman who approached you several weeks ago and asked to purchase some socks for my children so that they could play in the Playland at the McDonald's in which employs you. I may have slipped your mind as I'm sure you have better things to think about...Or perhaps I am a very vivid image and you still call your friends to have a laugh over me. Which ever the case may be, I am writing this letter to inform you that, you my dear, are an ass.

Dumb Girl Who Will One Day Drown in Her Own Ignorance, I went back to your place of work today with my children. My children who again were not wearing socks. In lack of available seating in the normal dining area (and we will call it a dining area because apparently this is a 5 star eating facility because it does not have a drive through), I was forced to sit myself in none other than the Playland area. Upon entering the Playland that is enclosed with sound proof glass and much resembles it's own separate restaurant, I could not help but notice this sign hanging on the door...Visible only to the people sitting inside of the Playland area (which had prevented me from seeing it the last time I was here.) The very site of this said sign made my heart feel all aflutter for 2 very different reasons. Reason #1) My children could now play on the Playland WITH SOCKS THAT I PURCHASED AT...(GASP)....MCDONALD'S after their lunch, get very worn out and maybe even sit still during the movie we are about to go see. Reason #2) It made me want to go behind the counter, find you, drag you into the Playland area, rub your face into the sign and then kick you in the ass just for good measure. And just so you know, I looked for you. You were not there... Or you were hiding from me, that could be possible. But let's just say you were lucky enough to have had the day off. Maybe you were fired for all of your ignorance. That could be possible too. This now makes me wish you had in fact called the manager over to help you laugh at me and then your manager could have rubbed your face into the sign for me. And then sold me some socks.

For all of your stupidity, I am now the crazy woman standing in McDonald's taking a picture of the door. This makes me like you even less. I am at least grateful that I was able to prove my self right and anyone else out there that ever doubted that McDonald's sold socks.

Sincerely,
Housewife

PS. I hate dumb people. I hate dumb people that think they are not dumb. I hate dumb people that think they are not dumb and find it necessary to laugh at me when I AM RIGHT.

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I would like to say that when I first posted this story I got some comments that I would have loved to add to the Asshole Hall of Fame. However, I refrained from doing so because I thought maybe I was taking the tone of the comments wrong and they may have been meant to be in good humor. I get just a tiny bit crazy when someone suggest that I may be wrong about something. Just a little. Any suggestions?

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Yes, I know I act like a child when I get pissed

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Yes, It is not very lady like to rub in my superiorness

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Yes, that last comment just provoked more hate mail for me

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Ok, I'm gonna go think about happy things so I can post about all the HAPPY things that I did today.

TOODLES

-Housewife

Hypochondriac, no?

2005-07-08T19:08:00.000-07:00

Okay, so for most of you who know me, I am a well-developed, year-round tanner. I wouldn't call myself an excessive tanner, meaning like I go every day or every other day for that matter, but regardless, I tan and I do it year round. I do it year round because if I didn't, I'd still be pretty (sheesh, let's not run away with this now) but i'd be pastey pretty, and believe me, it's possible. I do not like to be pastey. I like a little color. There's nothing wrong with that. Tanning just makes me feel a whole hell of a lot prettier. And I don't do it because I like the actual tanning process. No way. I hate the sweat, and the heat, and the crowding, and the fighting for an opening, I do it because I like a little color on this face. Again, nothing wrong with that right?

Well...it the midst of being a devoted tanner, I acquire more and more (we'll coin them as beauty marks because I hate the word mole) beauty marks. Beauty marks can be kinda cute, almost sexy in Pumpkinface's eyes, but not when they are like big and black. I've never been blessed with a hairy beauty mark (dread that day), but I received my very first dark one. I don't know if this symbolizes 8 years of tanning resembling an award for perfect attendance or something but whatever the case, I am the wrong person (consciously) to develop such beauty mark. Hell, this is a mole, we'll call it what it is. I have had said mole for quite a few years now, and only recently has it sparked my curiosity as to "hmmm...said mole shouldn't probably be so said black with light brown around it huh?" And then immediately following I freak out.

If you were to ask my mom how many times she has looked at said mole under a flashlight on my breast she'd tell you that she lost count at 5,438 times. Now, I am sure I am not dying, however, nor do I have the desire to brink it. But I run into turmoil when I am approached with the opportunity to either quit tanning or get the damn mole checked so I feel better.

During my week long class at Duquesne back in early June, I studied the mole for lack of funner things to do. I decided that I wanted my dermatologist to take a quick peek at it, remove if necessary (please, no), and off I go to book my next tanning session or put on my suit to lounge poolside. I decided that after much gazing and peering down my shirt while class was going on at my breast I would make an appointment. Well... you gotta love New Castle for the fact that there is one, repeat after me, ONE, dermatologist in the city meaning that the next available appointment with the NURSE PRACTITIONER was today, July 8. So I scheduled it and today I went.

Again, if you know me, not only do I love to tan, but I am deathly afraid of needles or going to a doctor by myself. I was 21 years old getting allergy shots and my mama was still holding my hand. Career Woman + Shots = Embarrassment. But I went reminding myself that mama wouldn't be needed, that she'd simply look at my mole (notice I made that singular), tell me I was fine, lend me her phone to book a tanning appointment, and off I'd go. Well today took a different turn of events, and these turn of events happened without my mama. I got to the doctor's office, waiting 20 minutes to be called in and gave the nurse my information. I stated that I "had a couple moles I'd like the doctor to check out," and she replied with "well, take off all your clothes, you can leave your bra and panties on, and here's a sheet of see-through rough-edged paper to hilariously cover your breasts and vagina with." Aha, what? Yeah, well Career Woman was not well-planned for this doctor's visit. I didn't do the mistake of wearing a thong, but I did sport my lovely, yet see-through Victoria Secret underoo's that are noticeably worse than a thong that only shows your ass. But, I do as they say. I thought I said I had a couple of moles to look at, but apparently she wanted to do a full body scan, that's right my whollleee body, ass cheeks and all. She took a look at the black mole on breast and stated that it was borderline, a-typical - meaning that the mole wasn't bad...yet. "Yet," being the key word. She stated that if she didn't remove the mole and since I was going to continue tanning, she would want me in her office every six months for a check-up. Does this woman know that I do not have my mama to make these decisions for me? I do not have my mama to hold my hand if this woman wants to remove part of breast, and GOD KNOWS, that I do not have that much breast to spare. But I made the decision to be a big girl and attempt to have her take it off without a typical hand-holder.

But the woman just went right for the shot of novacaine when I gave her the okay. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa, lady. Where is the numbing cream? Apparently they only use that on kids, but hey, it's there, I'll use it. Then she stuck the needle in, which isn't all that bad, but then she attempted to slice away. STOP! Hello, I felt the blade. She was all like "is it just a pressure feeling," I said "Um no, it's a knife feeling." But needless to say, I survived the day. Now I am bandaged and praying that the tests come back A-Okay! Moral of the story is, don't leave home without your mama!
-Career Woman

Marriage: Rings VS. Tattoos

2005-07-06T07:35:00.000-07:00

Be warned. Housewife is about to get philosophical on you.

Since our first child was born, Big Daddy made talk about getting a tattoo with Isabella's name and also...Mine. This was 4 years ago. He never actually got the tattoo. Mostly because he never found the time or one that he really liked. Partially because I constantly chirped in his ear "Are you sure you really want to tattoo my name on you." This was always followed by a silly conversation consisting of Big Daddy questioning if I was planning on leaving him and me telling him "What if I died tomorrow? Your still young. You would surely remarry. I would want you to. How would your new wife feel about my name on you?" This is truly silly conversation. Reason? Number 1) I would NEVER leave my sweet Big Daddy EVER! And Number 2) If I died and he really got remarried to some bitch, I would haunt the living hell out of them for the rest of their lives!

So years went on of no tattoo and the same silly conversation. Then our second child was born and the tattoo fever attacked Big Daddy again. Same silly conversation. Over time the idea of the tattoo got lost somewhere between switching jobs and moving our lives 624 mile away from the place we call home, New Castle PA. At least I thought it did. Big Daddy hadn't mentioned it in a while.

As you all know we have been spending a lot of time at the beach and on the way to the beach there is a place call Tattoo America that sticks out like a sore thumb along the only road that takes you into Hampton Beach. Of course Big Daddy eyes the place up and down every single time we pass it. One day he pulled in..."Just to look." He came out with this little twinkle in his. I know this twinkle. It's the twinkle that is usually followed by the silly conversation. And it was.

So I tell Big Daddy "Go ahead and get one with Isabella and Sophia's names on it. It will be cute." Big Daddy's reply: "If I'm getting the girl's name put on me, I'm getting all three of my girl's names put on me." Que in silly conversation.

There comes a point when even the strongest people just give in. "OK,OK,OK...If that's what you really want to do, it's your body, go ahead and do it. BUT! (there's always a but) Just remember, I'm not asking you to do this. Your doing this on your own free will." Then I secretly hoped that by me giving my permission, the excitement of the tattoo wouldn't seem so exciting to him anymore. I was wrong.

Guess what we did on The Forth of July...Go ahead guess......

Your getting warmer.....

Bingo!

Ok, here comes the part where I get philosophical on you.

I love Big Daddy more than words can say. We have such an awesome bond between us that it's almost scary. We have all the love, loyalty and trust that a relationship can handle. We talk about growing old together and we mean it. We took vows before God, vows that we meant, vows that we'll keep. If you haven't got the picture...We are in this for life. Neither of us are going anywhere. So why does the fact that he has my name permanently marked on his arm bother me?

I know why I always asked him not to get it. I never wanted it to be a way he proved his love to me. I had this fear that he would get this tattoo and then stop telling me he loved me every day. I was afraid he would think that he made the ultimate devotion my putting my name on him. A devotion that overruled every way there was to show affection like he didn't have to do it anymore because he put my name on him. I also didn't want it to become his defense over every little spat we ever had like him saying" Well I got your name tattooed on me, what have you done?" Also as much as it pains me to admit I care what people think, I didn't want anyone to ever think that I MADE him get my name tattooed on him, ya know? I don't need him to have a tattoo of my name to know that he loves me and I don't want him to think that he needed to do that to prove his love.

And as nice as the tattoo looks. And I must admit it's kind of sexy. I can't help but get this little lump in my throat every time I see it. WHY?????

I've put a lot of though into it these past few days. If I lived in a TV commercial there would be a little transparent tattoo levitating over my head. And this is what I have come up with.

We live in a country where divorce is so common that we make bets at wedding receptions about how long the marriage will last. It's a sad fact. I'm sure all of you have done it or at least thought it once in your life as you watch the bride toss her bouquet over her shoulder. It's gotten to the point where people marry without hesitation cause, Hey if it doesn't work out you can always send for a mail order divorce. My point being...When someone puts a wedding band on your finger it's really not so scary...By the time your mail order divorce goes through, you have already slipped the ring off and tucked it away in your dresser drawer. No harm done.

I never take off my wedding ring. When I look at it, I can't help but smile and see my self standing at the alter marrying the man I always new I would marry someday, I see promise and I see my future. But...I have a cousin who tossed off her wedding ring 1 month after her wedding and did the unthinkable. Why was it so easy for her? 1 month! Did she even take the wedding seriously? Should the ring have been a little tighter and not so easy to remove?

Then it hit me!

Seeing Big Daddy's new tattoo made my marriage to him more real. The fact that it is permanent, the fact that it makes me feel like no matter what happens now I could never leave him because he's going to the grave with MY NAME on him made the fact that marriage is for life, a reality.

So I couldn't help but wonder ( And I type that with my very best Carrie impersonation) Should tattoos be replaced with the traditional wedding band?

If it was made mandatory for couples to make a pit stop at the local tattoo parlor on their way to the wedding reception to get each other names permanently tattooed on their bodies for the rest of their lives, would people actually think twice about who they were marrying and really mean it when they say their vows before God. Would more marriages last? It may take this drastic measure for people to realize that marriage is for real.

At least it would eliminate searching for your marriage license when needed, you could just roll up your sleeve and say see "He's my husband." (Just trying to throw a little humor in there)

After I thought about all this, looking at Big Daddy's tattoo wasn't so scary anymore. I did take my wedding vows seriously. I know that marriage is the real deal. And all of the sudden I was honored and flattered to have my name proudly worn by the man that has my heart and right there next to my precious daughter's names. And every time he rolls back is sleeve and admires the tattoo saying "AWE, I LOVE IT!" I realize that I was reading into this way too much. He genuinely wanted to have us with him where ever he goes and this was his way of making it happen. I can live with that.

-Housewife

P.S. I tried to post pictures of the tattoo, but Hello, Blogger and My Computer hate me.

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UPDATE

Hello and Blogger still hate me but the Kodak Easy Share Photo Gallery has some unconditional and undying love for me so you can go here to see the tattoo!

An Open Letter to Allergies

2005-07-01T21:08:00.000-07:00

Um, Hi.

How you begin a letter to something not tangible is beyond me, but I will give it one hell of a Career Woman try. You, allergies, have caused "not nice things" to secrete from every orpheus on my face. You depreciate the value of summer for me. You depreciate the value of having a pool and the need for a nice sun-based tan. And you depreciate the walk out of my garage door to my car. You also depreciate the value of me spending just a little bit extra on my car in order to enjoy automatic windows and a sunroof. I am not able to put down a window or crack my sunroof because in order to drive, one must see. A person can not physically open their eyes and sneeze at the same time. Therefore, when I sneeze, my eyes shut, and considering this occurs every 3-4 seconds during a car ride with windows and sunroofs cracked, I can not see to drive. You have made me a hazard for the city of New Castle. Not only does sneezing incompacitate my vision, but so does itchy, watery eyes. Typically when I get the allergy itch in my eye, I use my freshly vietnamese painted manicured finger nail to scratch the little corners where my eye boogers form leaving them bloodshot red instead of the beautiful baby blue they are known and loved for. What I have half the mind to do is grab the nearest butcher's knife, saw, needle, or razor blade and dig every essence of it's sharpness into my eye socket. But I don't. Instead my dear allergies, I attempt to medicate myself via a cocktail of allergy medicine. This cocktail that I tend to enjoy better than a fresh Olive Garden italian margarita or the el presidente from Chili's includes: 2 Zyrtec, 4 dribbles of eye drops, and nosespray. What a lovely pharmacy I carry in my little Coach purse on a beautiful summer day. After my allergy cocktail, I am quite a sight to be seen. My eyes are tearing, my make-up is watering, and a full blown sneeze attack is warranted after a quick spray. I am a pretty girl dear allergies - you make me not so pretty. I do appreciate you for something however... I am fully aware of Pumpkinface's unconditional love and devotion, because seeing me in this state with watery bloodshot eyes, water pouring out of my nose would likely make any well-deserving man to turn his head and run, but not my Pumpkinface, he hands me a tissue and away we go. But he has some complaints for you as well...Pumpkinface and I have "sleep overs," if you will. My allergies are know to be at their worst in the early morning. Following each sneeze lies a blow. Imagine the horn on a train when it is nearing a crossing and picture that awaking you in your peaceful slumber. Not pleasant, is it?

I will end this on a note of requesting a favor out of your dear allergies. I will deal with this summers humid allergy season with minimal complaints under one condition. My wedding is next summer... in allergy season 2006. I would greatly appreciate your pity and appreciate for my service on your boogers and the pharmaceutical world and allow me to have an allergy free couple of days... if it's not to much to ask.

Sincerely,
Career Woman

A Day in the Life of Housewife

2005-06-30T21:33:00.000-07:00

Woke Up: With a terrible back ache. Contemplated sucking down every drug in my medicine cabinet...Then thought, nay forget it, Yo home to Bel-Air.

No. Really.

I then proceeded hobbling to the kitchen singing "I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8 and yelled to the cabbi yo homes smell ya later looked at my kingdom I was finally there to sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel-Air.....

Then as I finished with the little na da na na na na na and did the little headed spin just like the Fresh Prince himself, something in my back snapped and VOILA! Better. Who needs drugs when you have the Fresh Prince? True story.

Took a Shower: Not an easy task when your by yourself with 2 small children. I've tried all the other ways. They are not sufficient. The only way I can get it done is to bring the whole crew into the bathroom with me. Before it was done, I had one small person wearing a Pull Up sitting on the drain with the water rising above my ankles and another small person trying to shave her legs. But we survived. Even the fall as we stepped out of the shower and onto the soaked bathroom floor. There goes my back again. (Mental note: it is absolutely impossible to keep the shower curtain in a closed position when you have a shower full of toddlers).

Out the Door: I had some errands to run today. First stop, STAPLES. Had to get a ink cartridge so I could finish printing pictures for a scrapbook page. The scrapbook that I have neglected for months but now feel pressured to start again because Career Woman is all caught up in the terrible addiction of scrapbooking and it's making me feel like I should really be finishing mine.

Now, I have been to this STAPLES once before. When I first moved here to Mass. I was new and disoriented and just thought that I looked out of place and that is why the people there were so friendly to me. But now, a 10 month resident, I feel comfortable and confident and feel that despite the fact that I can pronounce words correctly, I blend in with the New Englanders rather well. For this, I have no other reason to assume that this particular STAPLES is just where the Freakishly Friendly People work. I felt like the freakin' Queen of England in that place. You couldn't get better service at a Country Club. It was kind of spooky. It would not have surprised me if someone began to massage my feet as I stood in line. Now there are places that you shop where you could expect to have your ass kissed but....STAPLES? Scary. I'm thinking about writing a letter to STAPLES and telling them that I refuse to come back to that store until I'm treated like shit. Would that be weird? Cause seriously people, I'm afraid to go back there...they are Aliens!

Then to the scrapbook store. I actually thought I could look around and maybe even make a purchase in the scrapbook store with my kids with me. Huh. What a fool. I lasted a total of 3 minutes there. I was just a figment of the cashier's imagination. When she wakes up tonight from the sound of kids screaming she'll remember that the stressed out woman carrying the screaming banshee with a troll running at her feet, was in fact real.

Over to the grocery store for a few odd and ends. I had a small fight with Bella over some cupcakes and asked an Asian woman who I'll assume did not speak English to excuse me 5 five time cause she was blocking the aisle way, all while she stood there looking at me like I was naked. Checked to see if I WAS naked. Might explain why the Freakishly Friendly STAPLES People were so nice to me. WASN'T. Then left without gravy because I was too lazy to go up and around the aisle that was guarded by the Asian woman who I'll assume did not speak English.

Then over to McDonald's for lunch. Not my favorite choice, but I was out voted by the Ronald McDonald fan club sitting in car seats behind me. All because of the Playland..whoo-hoo! The very Playland that you cannot "play in" if you are not wearing socks. My very disappointed children who were wearing sandals, did not have socks on. No problem. I'll buy them at the counter. The McDonald's back home sold socks at the counter for $1 a pair. Problem solved. Nope. The half-wit behind the cash register might as well had called the manager over to help her laugh at me. Silly Housewife. Why would you ever think that the McDonald's with out the drive-through would also sell socks like every other effing McDonalds in the universe?
Oh, BTW I found out WHY there are no drive-throughs within a 50 mile radius of me. It apparently "degrades the town." Yes, a drive through supposedly degrades the snootiness of mere existence of Littleton, Acton, Westford, Concord and Lexington. The only way fast food restaurants were allowed to build in these towns were if they did not have a drive-though and were considered a "sit down restaurant." Woopty frickin' Dooo. McDonald's magically becomes a high class eating facility if you just chop off the outside menu and the speaker. After a fit of tears (from the kids, not me) I wander back to my table, clicking my sockless heels together. There's no place like home, There's no place like home, There's no place like home.

Back Home: I stumbled through the door carrying the dead weight of my sleeping baby and 5 bags of groceries, listening to Bella cry because the toy from her Happy Meal that she had to carry in "was too heavy."

Are there any takers out there willing to give me a day off? Anyone? Yoo hooo? Helloooo.

Guess not.

And I didn't even tell you how my evening was.

-Housewife

IM BACKKKK!

2005-06-28T20:52:00.000-07:00

Hola Kiddies!

Mamma's back - and it has been a long, long time. A lot has happened since the last time I was able to post from Duquesne such as:
1. I ordered my wedding gown! And it is G-O-R-G-E-O-U-S! Housewife can vouge for that because she was there, and so was my mama.
2. I picked my bridesmaid dresses and colors the same day and had 10 girls, that's right, I said "TEN" girls get fitted, measured, primped, and paid for them because they were going to be discontinued by the end of the month, so... check!
3. I have developed a mega-tan considering I am still job-less, and prospect-less leading me to lounge by the pool - all day, every day until I fry like a lobster, or just when it's time for dinner.
4. My cousin Adam got married on June 18th, and that wedding was a freakin' blast and a half - I have pictures, I will post.
5. A-ha, and as you all already know, Pumpkinface got me my digital camera for my birthday, which was yesterday!
6. My birthday was Monday, the 27th and for all of you that don't know me, it is a weekend, if not week-long celebration. Pumpkinface requested off early on Saturday because there were a good eight of us who were going to go out, so yes, we got very, VERY drunk, and we danced, and then got more drunk, then danced some more, and got more drunk, then it was time to go home. Then his parents had a picnic for me on sunday with my favorite, ice cream cake with purple icing and they got me my very own scrapbooking kit - which I love. On my real birthday, him and I spent the day at the pool, basking in the sun, and then out with my family to the Olive Garden for some chicken scampi, margaritas, tiramisu, and those fun little Andes mints that I devour no matter how full I am.
7. I have completed three pages of my scrapbook with obviously a limited amount of accessories, but damn. I. Am. Good. At this shit. So once I figure out how to upload the pictures from my camera I will take pictures for all of you to see and collaborate with the scrapbooking pro, Housewife.
8. Pumpkinface and I had our engagement photos today. Um, can you say cutest engaged couple EVER?! (with the exception of K Pac and Matt, Michelle and Brandon, Ashlee and Brandon, and Jamie and Eric).

Well, I am off to scrapbook some more and go and wait for Pumpkinface to get home from work to show off my scrapbook pages of our b-e-a-utiful bodices. Sorry for the lack of humor and fun wittiness that you are used to - give me time, it'll all come back to mamma!
-Career Woman

The Beach And A Few Open Letters

2005-06-28T04:29:00.000-07:00

What ever happen to quality blogging on this site? This used to a place where one could come and read mean and conceited things and laugh and maybe even wish they could slap us for some of the things we say but as I scroll through my archives all I see is boring play by play posts of my life. Really, who wants to read this? I guess all this beautiful weather has put me in this good mood and nothing irritates me anymore. No rants? No Open Letters? No HW and CW dialogue? What is this place? And what have you done with A Career Woman and A Housewife? I am actually shocked that I have not gotten any hate mail about how sick someone is of reading about my family life. Hmmmm? Perhaps the disclaimer and the Asshole Hall of Fame has actually sunken in? Whatever the case may be, thanks for sticking with me on this. I know we are all waiting for an exciting post from Career Woman...I wish she would get with the program and get her internet fixed or get a job or something. So once again I will post about Family Fun Sunday, The Beach, and My Children. Simply because that is ALL I have to post about.

We spent the entire day at Hampton Beach. Again. And so did half of New England and a good percentage of tourists. As if the beach was not packed enough...The tide kept get coming closer and closer towards shore, forcing everyone to pack up their belongings and move 'em back about 10 feet. And we had to make the 10 foot move about every 15 minutes. By the end of the day. There was very little beach left and a whole lot of sweaty, sunburned strangers getting REALLY close with one another. This sent mostly everyone running into the water. This also meant that lots of lifeguards were patrolling

An Open Letter to The Super Sexy Shaven Lifeguard Hunk

Dear Super Sexy Shaven Lifeguard Hunk,

Thank you for being such a beautiful sight amongst the grossly out of shape hairy guys that roam the beach in speedos. Your perfectly coifed blond hair and amazingly buff body that was tanned to a perfectly golden shade has made me smile and brought back my enthusiasm for a day at the beach after being forced to sit so closely to a man with visible fungus growing on his foot. Watching you walk back and forth along the waves infront of me has brought to my attention that I do have a thing for men in uniform. A very small, red, almost non-existent, uniform. I don't know if it was your breath-takingly good looks, the way you blew your whistle or the fact that your legs appeared smoother than my own that has grabbed my attention but again, I thank you Super Sexy Shaven Lifeguard Hunk, for making my day a little sweeter.

Sincerely,
-Housewife

An Open Letter to The Lovely Young Couple That Desperately Needed A Room

Dear Lovely Young Couple That Desperately Needed A Room,

There is only one reason two people would be wrapped in a blanket... On a beach... In weather that is over 100 degrees. You. Were. Doing. It.
For how obvious you had made yourselves, there is really no reason to have suffered the heat under the blanket. Why not just throw off the blanket and smile for sleezeball 5 feet over, that was taking your picture?
Lovely Young Couple That Desperately Needed A Room, I was very close to getting up and taking a collection of money from other beach goers so that you could go across the street to the Drift In Motel and purchase yourself a bed with 4 walls and a door. However when the young lady got up and began tying her bikini bottom back together at the side, while walked down to the water to rinse herself off, I then realized that my thoughtful gesture was too late. Please don't let this happen again.

Sincerely,
-Housewife

An Open Letter to The Boy That Made It His Job to Throw Sand In My Eye

Dear Boy That Made It Your Job To Throw Sand In My Eye,

I don't know why your were running on the beach. Did you not realize there was a very TINY area we all were force to inhabit this hot and sunny day? Has it not been brought to your attention that when you run through sand it kicks up and lands in the faces of people laying on it? Lots of people lie in the beach. It's called suntanning. Something your very white self may not be familiar with. I repositioned myself several times, just to have you run on the other side of my blanket and kick more sand into my eye. Please do me a favor and run into the water. Far, far, far into the water. So far that Super Sexy Shaven Lifeguard Hunk will be forced to jump in after you. Seeing the Super Sexy Shaven Lifeguard Hunk emerge from the water with wet trunks may be your only hope of me forgiving you.

Sincerely,
-Housewife

An Open Letter To The Lady That Forgot That Sound Travels

Dear Lady That Forgot That Sound Travels,

Just a little reminder that just because you have on headphones and the people around you cannot hear your music, does not mean they cannot hear YOU when you sing along with your music. Perhaps this would have been OK when we were all spread out, very far from one another but you are now surrounded by lots of people that find it nauseating to hear a 40 year old woman in a lime green thong, singing "OOPS I DID IT AGAIN" at the top of her lungs with absolutely no instrumental music to drowned out her unpleasant pitch.
Lady That Forgot That Sound Travels, please stop singing. The retired couple behind you has now put down their reading books and are beginning to look very hostile. They most likely will be approaching you soon.

Sincerely,
-Housewife

Well, I'd love to tell you all more but it seems I'm running out of time, someone has to cook dinner here. I have some really cool pictures of the sand sculptures. If anyone's interested let me know and I'll post them.

-Housewife

Father's Day

2005-06-21T18:44:00.000-07:00

A very belated yet very happy father's day to all of our 1 father that probably reads this site (Hi Doug!) It was back to the beach for this family. Hampton Beach is holding it's 5 th annual Master Sand Sculpting Competition. We stopped by early in the morning to see what was happening. There was only 1 sculpture in the making at this point...A very beautiful and very detailed castle...

Bella (of course) wanted a castle just like it. "A real one" that she could "really go inside of." Well Big Daddy may have lacked the skills and supplies to build his little princess a castle...But he didn't lack the imagination to satisfy a three year old princess worthy of her very own sand castle that she could "really go inside of." A few minutes of digging and voila!

We walked the beach for hours, digging for sand dollars and left with quite a collection. Big Daddy pulled up something else in the water. A starfish, still alive. Bella stuck him on her swimming suit and it suctioned to it...she wore it around like a badge of honor for most of the day.

When we first got there (really early in the morning so we could see the high tide, 8 foot waves) it was still cold and very windy...perfect weather for.......

In all Big Daddy got to spend a really nice and relaxing day with his girls...

And as disappointing as it may be, there were no terrible pictures of my arse this time. Sad. I know.

But not to worry, it seems I have passed the torch!

Again...Happy Belated Father's Day and if there are any lurking Father's out there, now would be a good time to identify yourself!

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So these past few days I've been enjoying the sun and going shopping. Have any of you heard of Brighton Jewelry? I'm addicted to it! Very addicted. So addicted in fact, that I spent a very large sum of money on it today and will most likely be in lots of trouble when Big Daddy gets home. Yikes! I probably won't get the opportunity to buy myself such things of beauty in a long long time because I sense that my debit card will be confiscated tonight. So if any of you have heard of it or know of it, you can feel free to buy me a piece, any piece you choose,it's all very pretty, and send it to me. If you address it to Housewife, Littleton Massachusetts...it will surely get to me...or not........
-Housewife

Beach Babies

2005-06-16T15:03:00.000-07:00

I guess one of the rewards for making it through a horrifying New England Winter is getting to enjoy the beautiful beaches all summer long. Growing up in New Castle, I never had the luxury of only a 30 minutes drive to the ocean but this summer my girls will definitely become beach babies because I plan on taking advantage of every single nice day we get...At the beach!

Hampton Beach, NH on Monday.

Isabella couldn't get enough of the water. Her favorite? Sitting in the wet sand with her back towards the ocean and waiting for a wave to come and push her forward. You would think I handed her the keys to every amusement park in the world when I showed her that little trick. I would say she spent the majority of the time there riding the waves. Sophia on the other hand...She preferred playing in the sand. She was terrified of the waves (at first). That's my Sophia! Getting dirty every chance she gets!

My parents and my sister weren't prepared for the beach. Eh, that didn't stop them from jumping in...Clothes and all!
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The highlight of the day? When Bella found a starfish. Also, a girl was crying hysterically at the beach, my dad approached her to see what was wrong. Apparently, she took off her wedding band and her engagement ring and set them on her lap while she applied sun block. Then a bug flew at her and she jumped up to swat it away just as the waves came further onto the beach and washed up right under her chair and her rings? Gone. She was hysterical! She said that the one ring wasn't even paid off yet nor was it insured. So, my dad called in the troops...We all started helping this girl look for her ring, hoping that they hadn't been washed away. People started coming over to see what was wrong and before you know it, we had 20 people digging in the sand all around where this girl had been sitting. After about 20 minutes, some lady found one of the rings, so we all began digging in that area and before you knew my dad pulled up the other ring. They were buried at least 3-4 inches under the sand. She was soooo lucky. She jumped up and hugged my dad (whom was a complete stranger to her), crying for like 5 minutes. Some of the people started crying too. See? People from New Castle aren't just the goofballs that swim in the ocean with their clothes on...They're heroes too! Ahhh, always drama!

From all the that digging for the ring, Bella started taking a liking to the sand.

And Sophia...Well she warmed up to the water. In fact she wasn't leaving without a fight. This is by far my favorite picture of the day. Here's my dad trying to get Sophia out of the water so we could head home. She's screaming "NO!" and splashing the cold water on her Pappy at the same time! He's shocked, no?

And you didn't think you were getting off that easy, did you? A day at the beach and no picture of my rear? HAH! At least I'm not bending over...That could get ugly.

Me and Bella making our way out to my sister, who of course was diving under, clothes and all!

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It seems K Pac is having trouble sending me the pictures of Bella in her miniature bride dress and of me with a broken heel. That's too bad...The one of me hobbling out of the restaurant in uneven shoes was classic!

And.....If you read the previous post...Pumpkinface got Career Woman her digital camera YIPEE! What could be better than illustrated posts from CW? I can't wait.

-Housewife

Digital Camera Time

2005-06-15T12:41:00.000-07:00

I. GOT. MY. DIGITAL. CAMERA. Only.... I do not have internet access at home, but it is wonderful! I got it monday night as a surprise from Pumpkinface for my cousin Adam's wedding this weekend! Was I ever more excited? Yes, but I was sooo very excited that day that I took a million pictures - I even stooped so low to bring my camera to Pizza Hut. No, I did not take pictures there, but she came for the ride! Then we went to my brother's baseball game and took some pictures there. Then I took pictures of Pumpkinface in my room - all of which will be posted as soon as I am able to gain some internet access which my dad should be on.

But anyways, I have class this week from 9-5 and we are on our lunch break - so I come to you again live from Duquesne, but this had to be short and sweet because I am off to apply for school loans and stuff! :)

-Career Woman

And Oh What A Wedding Week It Was!

2005-06-13T13:15:00.000-07:00

Housewife here, reporting to you from back in MASS. We arrived safely at 5:00p.m. today. Boy, will it take me a while to recover from "Wedding Week 2005 Part 1" and trust me the saga will continue! This was just the first of many Wedding Weeks to come this year!

We arrived in good ole' New Castle at around 7:30p.m. Monday night after a long trip home. It took us a whopping 13 hours to get from Boston to New Castle this time. Outrageous. Completely Outrageous! (Mental note: NEVER travel on a Monday. Never travel on a Monday with summer construction. Never travel during the day with small children. Never leave at such a time were you will hit morning rush hour in Hartford Connecticut and afternoon rush hour in Scranton Pennsylvania. Oh, and please be sure to be prepared for I80 to be completely shut down and have to take a very long detour due to a semi-truck accident.) So......

I'll start with Tuesday... We kicked off Wedding Week just the way anyone would expect A Career Woman and A Housewife to kick off such an occasion...A day at the pool so we could soak up some sun and look better in the pretty dresses we will be trying on. But it wasn't all play. We did do some homework by sitting poolside with every bridal magazine in print.
Isabella took a big jump off the diving board...but not until after she made me tread water for a good 15 minutes then she decided to actually do it. Nothin' like a little exercise.

Wednesday: We took a family day. Career Woman had to go to her brother's award ceremony and I had to visit with family while I was home. Besides we had to rest for the big day tomorrow! And yes I did receive a threatening phone call from Career Woman before I went to bed that night...she basically stated that if I was a minute late when she comes to pick me up for her appoitment at the bridal shop, she will have my life. Hmmm, actually it was more like "Nikki, don't make me have to get up, come to your house, pull you out of bed by your hair and make sure you are ready on time. 10 to 10, I will be there at 10 to 10, that is 9:50 Nikki, nine- fifty!"

Thursday: Career Woman pulls up at my house at a little after 10:00a.m. Go figure. But not to worry. We made it in plenty of time for her appointment. It was so exciting! This is us in front of the bridal shop.

There were so many pretty dresses. Morgan's mom and I had a tough job, really. Honestly, who's opinion counts more than the bride's mother and the Matron of Honor's? No one's. No one's except KE's too. We missed you KE! KE is the Maid of Honor, for those that don't know but she couldn't make it in from ATL, so so sad :( Morgan looked good in every single dress she tried on, but some of them just didn't give us "the feeling." You know...the goose bumps, the watery eyes, the jaw dropping to the floor, absolutely stunned, THIS IS THE ONE feeling. As we poised ourselves proudly on the couch in the dressing room we found ourselves looking like this, quite a few times.....

We narrowed it down to 2 dresses.

Career Woman just couldn't make a decision. What's a girl to do?

Well, we were already there for a good 3 hours, so we decided to take a walk across the street to Wendy's, get a bite to eat and discuss the dresses and then we'd go back to the bridal with our choice and start looking for bridesmaid dresses.
DECISIONS. DECISIONS. DECISIONS.

They were both gorgeous. But we were confidant with our decision...So back to Bridal Shop we went...Morgan tried the dress on again and it was breathtaking! I cried. What else is
new? So now we have one happy little bride. YES!
>
It took us about another 2 hours to decide on a bridesmaid dress and a color and we were done! Whoooooo-Hoooooooo! This is gonna be such a beautiful wedding! And can you even believe it? We did it all in one day! We didn't even have to go to the other dress shop that we had an appointment at!

Friday: Which was a good thing we didn't go to that other appointment. I went to get my hair done and that took 3 hours itself. I am now blonde. Not really, I just got highlights. But to me, I am blonde. I have never gone lighter...so it's a little drastic for me. While I was there I got an exciting phone call from our friend Michelle...She had just gotten engaged that morning and was calling to tell me. YEY! Another Wedding! Of course I screamed and made a spectacle of myself in the beauty salon, but you'll have that when I'm around. After my hair appointment...Career Woman and I headed back down to the bridal Shop to get two other bridesmaids fitted for their dress! Our job is never done. That night, I went out for a drink with my cousin. I couldn't stay out too late though, tomorrow's another big day.

Saturday: Another fun-filled Wedding Day. First I went to a Red Hat Society meeting with my mom. Just a few of them met a Perkin's for breakfast to discuss details about a trip they are going on at the end of this month. Here we are....
>
Then I went to visit my great-aunt Mary at her Nursing Home and then rushed home bath my girls and get ready for Wedding stuff. We went over to Boardman Ohio to a the bridal shop that my friend K Pac got her bridesmaids gowns at so that I could be fitted and so Bella (her miniature bride) could try on some dresses. K Pac took pictures that she will be sending me and then I'll post them. Then we drove back down to Morgan's bridal shop that is almost an hour away, for K pac to be fitted and we met the Newly Engaged Michelle there so she could be fitted as well. Then we all headed back to New Castle and ate a late lunch/early dinner at very yummy Italian Restaurant called "2 Tomatoes." While we were there we ran into Career Woman's family and while were standing there talking to them...the heel fell off my shoe. Again, K Pac has pictures of that and when I get them...I'm sure I will post them, along with a story. That night Morgan, Michelle and I went out for a drink to celebrate Michelle's engagement! No one knows how exciting it is for me that all my friends are getting married now. I'm not the only one anymore!!! I didn't get home 'til 1:00a.m. and was on the road back here to MASS at 5:00a.m. Sunday morning.

Big Daddy and I missed each other so much! I hate leaving him when I have to go back to PA. And he equally hates being here in MASS by himself. He always tries to do something sweet for me when I come back, whether it be cook me dinner or get a movie or have fresh flowers for me...always something. Well this time....his sweet nothings turned into something a little better. When I walked in the house he made me close my eyes and he walked me into the bedroom and when I opened my eyes I saw this....

And no, he didn't just sprinkle rose petals on the bed....this is what my bedroom looked like before I left for New Castle (this picture was taken when we first moved here)

See!

Big Daddy got up this morning and went to Macy's, Filene's and Bed, Bath and Beyond all by himself to find a new way to spice up the bedroom so he could surprise me with something.Maybe a little extreme by buying a whole new bed suit? But this is why I love this guy so much!!! White satin sheets and all... and the red comforter is so fluffy, it's Egyptian Satin. The sprinkled rose petals were just icing on the cake. I love it! He was so proud of himself and he informed me that he is now very educated about sheets and fabric counts because of his little adventure today.

My mom, dad and sister came back with me...they are here just for the next 2 days. I'm sure you'll hear from me again this week about that.

I'm gonna go snuggle with Big Daddy in the satin sheets now...good night!

-Housewife

Aaah, Unemployment is Grrrreat!

2005-06-08T19:17:00.000-07:00

Um, yeah, okay - so everyone knows I am currently unemployed right? Which meant that I would be spending my days at home. computer-less. blog-less. I am sad and I know you all are, but blessed Duquesne has let us out of one class early, just so I have a good hour inbetween my next class just to blog. So again, coming to you live from Duquesne...it's an update and where in the hell A Career Woman has been for the last 5 days.

Friday, June 3: A Career Woman's last day being a "career woman." Yeah so I left work and decided that after the pay cut I would be taking, I needed to get my nails done. So I went with K Pac to go freshen up the "do" on my tips and out to dinner. Pumpkinface was working and her fiance was busy moving, so K Pac and I decided to make it a girl's night, which consisted of dinner and pop (blah) and talking about our weddings (yippee).

Saturday, June 4: Hair, Pool, and Syrian Food. Career Woman and Pumpkinface hung out around the house until he went to work, then I had another hair appointment for another step in the process of "Make Morgan a Blonde Bride for her Wedding" Afterwards, I went to take a dip in the pool. That is right, I said "pool," and it is "open," and I am going to go get "burnt," but of course, as life may have it, when I stepped foot out of the hair salon, there went the sun...right back into the cucky clouds (but not as cucky as cucky-face...whom is still cucky). Of course the love of my life was working, (life stinks but money doesn't) so I went out to eat with the fam at this awesome syrian restaurant for my aunt's last night home before going back to N.C. (the state). Which I definately topped off my syrian "garlic" meal, with two scoops of chocolate and black raspberry cones.

Sunday, June 5: A Day of Fun-In-The-Sun, Pumpkinface and I went to breakfast (as we typically do on family fun sundays) and then went to bask in the sun with beer and wine coolers at the pool with my family. It was a grrrrr-eat day! Um, yeah I got cooked, yep just like a turkey in the oven, only I was red, and sore, and still sore - 4 days later. But we had so much fun. Then off to the Olive Garden we went (mind you this was our second time during the same week to drive a half an hour to eat their breadsticks - we. are. obsessed.). And then we both literally went to bed at 8:30 when we got home.

Monday, June 6: More Sun, A Baseball Game, and a Meal with our Newly-Engaged Friends, Ash and Billy. We decided to go hang around the pool for a little during the day before my aunt was gonna head out. We got dressed afterwards and headed over to my little brother's baseball game. (whom, may i mind you, is the cutest thing in baseball pants this side of PA). After that, we met our friends for dinner, our treat, for their engagement. We had an awesomely good time again. (p.s.... and I joined the gym again, so get rid of my lard - which is a little late considering I am trying on bridal gowns tommorrow and Friday).

Tuesday, June 7: Work-out, Housewife and Bella at the Pool, Mall and Din-Din again. Pumpkinface and I are cute and stuff so we both leave and go to the gym at separate times, then meet up again for lunch. Well afterwards we had some company because HOUSEWIFE CAME HOME, to go dress shopping with me! Is she not the best? Go ahead...you can tell her! But she came home with my little flower girl and minature bride and I still, will, eat, their, faces, each time I am in their presence. Housewife and I swam allllllll day after Pumpkinface went to work and we. got. burnt. Yes it hurts. Yes we are red. But yes, it is worth it in the end. As long as skin cancer doesn't set in... then it probably wouldn't be worth it anymore now would it?! But afterwards, we headed to the mall for me to pick out some dresses for the million, gazillion weddings I have this summer and out to dinner. First off, let me remind you that I am fat. Yes, I believe I am, so don't yell at me, because it doesn't matter what you think, I think I am fat. Not that fat, but fat enough that I hate it and had to rejoin the gym. Actually, who am I kidding, I am beautiful regardless, now I just have curves! :) (Pictures will be coming when Housewife can post and I get my freakin' camera...).

Wednesday, June 8: Awards assembly, gym, lunch, houses, pool, then ....school. Today was very eventful, and the more I think of it, thank goodness I don't have a job to occupy all this time, because man, I am busy. Today was the last day of school, so my brother and sister were getting their awards. My brother is still in elementary and my sister is going to 10th grade, but they are both, so, verrrryyyyy different. Let's compare their awards (but, disclaimer, both I am equally proud of for various reasons.)
Brother's List of Awards: Top score in all subject areas including: Math, Science, History, Handwriting, Spelling, Reading, High Honor all year, and how cute, the Citizenship Award.
Sister's List of Awards: Most Likely to Turn Homework in Late, and Best Dressed.
Now, for those of you who know me, are well aware why I am equally proud of the both of them. Brother is so smart like his big sister Career Woman, and sister is so well presented due to Career Woman's clothes and outfit picks that I was all teary-eyed over the both of them. We've done well!

So now, as you have read at the top, I am at hell on earth - a.k.a. school. But, only 1 more class and those are tomorrow and then I am done with this 10:00 p.m. at night crap and onto a week long class next week from 9-5 (see, I definately shouldn't have a job). But ya'll, I promise that I am going to post comments as soon as I get another second to jump on this but I promise that I have been reading, and laughing, and enjoying. But ya'll better get excited, because - the camera and an abundant amount of pictures will be coming soon! Love ya and Miss ya!
-Career Woman

My Whole Weekend

2005-06-06T01:54:00.000-07:00

What Can Brown Do For You?
It helped me find a potty.

Friday's Girly Adventure brought us (back) to Maine. With much nicer weather. I'll get to some pictures in a minute here...first I'd like to tell you a little story.

So we're driving around Maine, it took us 1 hour to drive into Maine, then we drove around to all the viewpoints and along all the scenic routes, so this basically means that it's going on 3 hours without a potty break. This is quite a big deal to a 3 year old with a teeny tiny bladder. It is now going on 45 minutes since Isabella announced that she "had to go pee" and I'm desperately trying to find her a potty. We were driving through Ogunquit and stopped along this strip of shops and inns...none of these shops would allow my poor wiggling, crotch grabbing little girl use their facilities. As we are walking out of this one shop, a UPS guy is delivering boxes...he overhears Bella (who is now tearing up because she has to go so bad) saying "but I really have to pee Mommy." The UPS man approaches me and says "does she need a restroom?" I'm a little puzzled at first and I'm like "Er...Yeah." So he gives me this "wait a minute" gesture and starts banging on the door of this bistro that is not even open yet (this is around 11:00a.m.) No one answers so he goes "follow me." Still a little puzzled but desperate nevertheless I follow Mr. UPS Man across the street to this Inn. As we are walking across the street he shakes my hand and asks me my name and for Bella's as and begins to explain to me that the people in this town aren't that friendly and are funny about letting the public use their restrooms. We walk into the back entrance of this Inn were about 5 employees are sitting in an office and Mr. UPS Man says "Hello, these are my new friends Nikki and Isabella, Isabella needs to use the potty, may she use your's?" The people are like "Oh sure" (then began oohing and awing over Bella's bow-legged walk as she waddles to their bathroom with both hands between her legs.) I hear Mr. UPS Man talking to the office people while I'm helping Bella in the potty. He obviously knows these people cause they are talking about a local soccer team and he asks this one lady how her daughter is as he is waiting for us...so at this point I'm no longer too weirded out by him. After Bella unleashed Niagara Falls itself into the toilet and we graciously thanked the nice Office People at the Inn, we are walking back across the street to my mom and sister and praising Mr UPS Man for finding us a potty. He gives us a friendly smile and says "Hey, I have a 6 year old and when they gotta go, they gotta go...I know how it is...glad I could help." He hops back into his truck and drove off a hero. Moral of the story is...There still are good people left in this world and they work for UPS. My intentions? I'm gonna write a letter (a nice one for a change) to UPS and tell them my story. Mr. UPS Man deserves to be commended for his good deed. Who knows?Maybe someday my story will be a sappy UPS commercial. Yes, I have high hopes like that.

So back to Friday's Girly Adventure...I bet you wanna see pictures, huh? OK.

First we stopped along the ocean to find some sea shells. Here's my sister Janice, out on the rocks.....

We had a whole bag full of ocean treasures by the time we were done.

Then we drove out to the lighthouse. This time it was much less eerie without the storm.

That's my mommy Bertha, for those of you without the privilege of knowing her.

Then over to Brown's Homemade Ice Cream for none other than some Brown's Homemade Ice Cream. It's write up the street from the lighthouse, with the prettiest view of the ocean...I know you've seen enough water by now, so how 'bout some funny ice cream faces?......

Bella, chowin' down on her "Blues Clues" ice cream (and sharing a little with the picnic table.)

Sophia, making sure she gets every last bite of her Caramel w/ Caramel Swirl.

Oh and wait...it wouldn't be a trip to the beach without someone snapping a picture of me bending over...and it really wouldn't be a post about a trip to the beach without me showing you the picture of me bending over.......

Really why do people always find it necessary to photograph me in this position and why in the hell do I post them?...I guess it's just becoming a tradition hear on A Career Woman and A Housewife.

Speaking of tradition...It is now becoming a tradition for me to risk my life in one way or another while I'm in Maine, right?
Here's the picture I snapped while I was driving on my way home just because the truck in front of me was from Carmel, IN and it made me think of Erin. Word of Advice: It is not wise to hold a camera to your eye while driving 75mph in 4 lanes of traffic on I495. This most definitely qualifies as "risking my life" for the Maine trip tradition.

That's pretty much it...it was really fun to spend the day with my mom and sister...I miss doing that!

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My Dad has been going to work with Big Daddy these past few days...he likes to be outdoors and it's a nice change from his office job so Big Daddy's been making him get his hands dirty at the Golf Course. On Saturday...Big Daddy threw a big cook out at the course for his workers...they stopped production at 2:00p.m. and everyone's family came, one of the Mexican guys cooked up some really yummy Mexican food for everybody.

Then we took a walk around the course and stopped for a picture that I will be e-mailing to my Dad's office so that everyone there can see that he took time off to go do labor work...I'm sure they will all appreciate that! That's my Dad, Rod sporting the Steeler's hat in Patriot's territory. GO PITTSBURGH!!!!!!! And of course us girls and my Big Daddy.

Then Saturday night, Big Daddy and I took a ride back up to Maine (I just can't get enough of this place, can I?)It was pitch black a long the coast and the tide was really high...we sat for hours along the rocks and watched the waves roll in and watched the stars...then it got really cold cause we were getting splashed when the waves would hit the rocks so we drove up to the light house and watched the stars somemore...you could barely see the lighthouse, you'd just catch a glimpse of it when it's light would flash...it's absolutely amazing how many stars you see out there in the darkness, just beautiful! We didn;t get home 'til 2:00a.m.

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Sunday, the recital! I don't suppose I have to tell you that I cried, that's a given, right? I can't even begin to put the cuteness into words. With the advice of my faithful blog friends, I took those pictures! They're not very good, kinda blury cause I was so far away, but they're pictures.

Here's a picture in the dressing room. Bella, second from the left.

Then they're headed off with the teacher to back stage and yes I am very choked up at this point and take off running to the auditorium for the show!

Lady in Ugly Brown Skirt is now a Farmer and there's my little flower......

Simply Breathtaking!
>

Wiping my tears, I head back to the dressing room (as class mother) to get the girls dressed for their next number. Here they go again......

Ok, I'm bookin' back down to the auditorium and almost sure that the poor man that I have to keep stepping over to get to my seat is ready to trip me. These little Chickens had the audience in hysteria...I'm surprised they even heard the music over all the laughing and clapping...Most. Adorable. Thing. Ever.

After the recital we went out for a bite to eat to celebrate. Bella's Choice. Applebee's. She loves their french fries!

>

Right now it's 1:50a.m. Monday morning...I'm leaving with my Mom and Dad to go back to PA in 3 hours. I'll be there just for a week. Reason? To go dress shopping with Career Woman and possible go to some florist just to get some flower idea's. According to Career Woman "It will be a Wedding Week, just like on the Discovery Channel." So I'm sure you'll be getting a good old fashion collaborated post from both CW and HW about our week. I can just feel your excitment. I'm off to finish packing...at this point, I might as well not even go to sleep. WOW! This post was long...hope you made it through!

-Housewife

Tiny Dancer

2005-06-02T23:59:00.000-07:00

All the excitement had died down, for the first time in hours I could hear a pin drop in the room, John had left to take a shower, the proud and exhausted grandparents had gone home, the chatters of all of my friends (who by the way are the best people in the world)had vanished and the last nurse had left (not without taking one last look at my cooch.) It was just me a plethora of balloons and my sweet brand new baby girl. Still in complete shock that I actually had a girl (and that I actually DID live through childbirth), I lay there staring at this soft little being with the biggest, darkest brown eyes that I had ever seen. And a million hopes and expectations for her, ran through my head. As I fell asleep that night, visions of a little ballerina dancing across a stage flashed in my mind .........and today..............

Isabella's Dress Rehearsal, there she is, my sweet little ballerina baby, second from the left.

Yeah I know, it's only Dress Rehearsal, but the tears were flowin' like you wouldn't believe. All I could picture was my little baby with the big brown eyes and how I couldn't wait for her to be a ballerina. Pretty emotional. And I'm so damn proud of her...I know every mother thinks their child is the best one up on that stage, but dudes...she rocked! Just look at her perfect form!

Look, Look...straight leg and pointed toes, chin up, hands out to the side...Mama taught her well! Perfection!

They did Peter, Paul and Mary's The Garden Song for their Ballet number...they all started crouched down and the teacher came out and "watered" them one by one...this is Bella right after she was "watered" and was growing into a beautiful flower...just thought I'd clear that up in case anyone thought some psycho-bitch in an ugly brown skirt was trying to smash my kid on the head with a watering can, you never know.

And for their Novelty Dance, a song called "Us Chickens" ... complete with flapping arms, quacking, and a little bit of booty shakin' - that's my girl! I didn't take any still pictures for that one, at least not any that turned out good...I was laughing hysterically and couldn't focus...But here are a few of our little Chickens in the dressing room striking a pose!

Bella, third from the left.

The Recital isn't until Sunday.. no photography allowed (huh, we'll see about that.) But unless someone smacks down the rules at me while I'm in mid-snap...I may have pictures...If not, these are close enough. And if I could somehow put the video clips that took today on this blog, ya'll would have top notch entertainment right here, baby! There is nothing cuter than a group of three year-olds strutting their stuff up on that stage!No way!

BTW...Mama, Papa and Sista arrived safely this morning from PA...Papa is going to work with Big Daddy tomorrow to do manly stuff and us girls will probably go on some sort of an adventure. Hopefully I'll have some funny stories worthy of a post for ya!
-Housewife

My Treasured Finding

2005-06-01T09:45:00.000-07:00

Prior to the weekend, I went down to my grandma's house to get some more stuff out of it. By "stuff," I mean that I picked up my computer that I gave to her after I graduated from college. I knew that there would be some good, juicy findings saved on the computer from our crazy college years, but never knew I would find all this. Much to my dismay, my gram still used the same wallpaper as her background that I had in college. It was my roommate Danielle's brindle boxer, Zoey that we got our senior year of college. Zoey was so cute and cuddly, but Zoey did not appear cute and cuddly on the desktop... Zoey was asleep, with beer cans surrounding her, and one underneath her paw (as if to look as those she passed out from all the partying -ya know, kinda like we did - no we didn't dad :)). If my grandma would have actually opened something in the computer she would have came across all of Danielle's pictures from our senior year that she downloaded on my computer. Yes, she would have witnessed her drunken granddaughter singing and dancing on bars with all her friends. She would also have gotten a cultural view of the city of Pittsburgh from a car window, or the streets of the southside or the strip district from a sidewalk on New Year's Eve or one of 601's birthdays. (Disclaimer: 601 was our apartment number in our complex, let's just say that it was infamous, people even began to think that 601 had it's own language - maybe we did). Gram would have also taken a tour on our cruise we took for spring break or the beautiful blue waters of Cancun - but luckily, she did not. Last, but not least, Gram would have found our "Quotes 2002-2003," (a.k.a. our senior year of college, which, by the way, feels like a century ago).

This list was 7 pages long, single spaced, with incriminating evidence of the nitwits, drunks, and rockin' good times we really were. Ya know, before the whole job, fiance, real life thing we started after we graduated in May of '03. Finding the quote list brought me back to the good 'ole days of what used to be - the great, awesome friends that I will cherish for the rest of my life. I was somber, yet thrilled that I had such a wonderful college experience and I owe it all to "601." It also made me miss K.E. and Ryan even more since they moved down south and made me realize that I am the only loser who stayed in this quaint little town in western PA. But it definatly made me smile, and snort, and have tears running down my face with laughter, because we are just that damn funny. Below I am going to place some of the best, funniest, dumbest things that we have said during our senior year at Duquese University in 2002-2003. I hope these make you laugh and think about the friends that you hold dear and will cherish for your entire lives. And this is my public service announcement - if you're still in school - cherish each day, it goes so fast. If you're out of school, never lose touch with those friends, because most certainly they have changed you forever...for the best!

1. "He's fallen into the gay catergory now, and I don't associate myself with gay people anymore. I'm going to focus my energy on people I like, like you guys!" - Danielle
2. "I'm going to put on my camoflague thong and then you won't see me anymore." -Kristin
3. "They need to play a song that'll get everyone dancing, you know, like the electric slide." -Carly at a dance club.
4. "I'm more serious than world peace at a Miss America Pageant." -Ryan
5. "CAMO-FREAKIN-PANTS MORGAN, Do you understand?" - K.E. about...Camo Pants
6. "Car, remember how Princess Diana died? I could do that to you." -Danielle has we are driving through the Liberty Tubes.
7. "What is going on here? Am I driving a 1980 Taurus?" - Danielle when something was wrong with her car.
8. "Not having a remote control is like not having legs to me." - Danielle
9. "What does it mean to you when your roommate has her covers over her head and is snoring?" - Kristin when I was annoying her.
10. "Im gonna be known as the 'fat one", we're going to be referred to as the fat one, the tall one, the short one, & the blonde one. Someone will be like 'who the blonde one' and then they'll say 'no! the fat one!'"~Danielle
11. "It came to me like a soft, summer's breeze, which i'd like to be by the way"~carly "Isn't that that stuff ppl dousch with?"~Kristin "No Kristin, that's summer's eve"~me "Should I dousch?"~D "No, they used to do that in the 80's all the time, its not supposed to be good for you"~Kristin. "u cant use a hot dog Danielle"~Carly
12. "Im so sexy that when I am sleeping, I miss myself." - Ryan
13. "Snow cone if I can touch your peepee," - Ryan in regards to Michael Jackson at his Neverland Ranch.
14. "Ryan needs a 'How's my Driving' sticker on the back of his car." - K.E.
15. "Thank you Victoria."-Career Woman, "You're welcome Secret" -Ryan about my push up bra.
16. "So you are saying that 'Gangs of New York' isn't about the crypts and the bloods?" - Carly
17. "Oh you do look like Balki,...oh no, it's not a bad thing, I like Balki!" - Danielle
18. “He wouldn’t believe his eyes if he saw your butt now!”~Kristin to me, “Whats that supposed to mean?”~me, “You’ve filled out”~ K, “Um that’s a nice way to say you got fat”~me, “No, you aren’t a psycho-anorexic-bitch anymore, you’re just a psycho-bitch!”~Kristin
19. "I'm coming home with something I don't have to pay for and I'm not talking about sand!" - Earl about spring break.
20. "Saddamm Hussein is the anti-christ, I've taken that title away from Bill Gates." - Danielle
21. "God Bless Duquesne" - Career Woman, "God Bless Baseball Season" - K.E.
22. "Honestly, we are in the f-ing twilight zone" - Career Woman
23. "I wish I had go-go-gadget arms" - Danielle when something isn't arms length.
24. "I want to rip into her skin" - Kristin about wanting to be Britney Spears.
25. "Graduating college in four years is like leaving a party at 10 o'clock." - Kristin's fiance Bri about 601 graduating college in four years.

This is just 25 of over a hundred and some witty, hiliarous, ridiculous things that we have said in one school year. Aren't we great? Don't you wish you roommed with us? Sorry only memories here kiddies - I advise all of you to start your own quote book. This is why we started this, so 2, 10, 15, 20 years down the road we can pull it out, drink some bubbly while our husbands are out golfing and laugh for hours! Love you all and miss you everyday!
-"Morgs"

Spring

2005-05-31T20:00:00.000-07:00

Today, for the first time this year, I loved Spring. Why? It stopped raining just long enough for me to take a nice long look at it without glaring through my windshield wipers, peeping out from under the brim of an umbrella or peering longed face through my rain-spotted bedroom window thinking "for the love of god make it stop!" Then it drizzled, but hey I got to enjoy it for a little while. Now everything is green and fresh and new. So I'll share with you a few things I did when it stopped raining now and then over the past few days. And I'll share my pretty green pictures.

Sunday: Big Daddy took the girls out to our pond to play with his remote control boat.....

Please take note of the pond SCUM in our pond.
I'll blame that on the rain, whether that makes sense or not.
Remote Control Boat + Pond Scum = Stationary Remote Control Boat (also 2 disappointed little girls)

Well Daddy cannot not stand to see long faces on his little sweethearts so we loaded up and headed off to Daddy's Work.
The pond at Daddy's work was much more Remote Control Boat Friendly.........

It was a fight for the remote! And maybe for just a moment Big Daddy didn't wish he had a son and was quite OK with his Remote Fevered little girls.

Remote Control Boat + Clear Pond = Happy Sophia

So while we were there and before the Thunderstorm was due, we took a walk around the Golf Course. This actually became a nature walk......

See the deer between the trees...She stood there and watched us watching her for a while, she ate a little more and then made the girls giggle when she went leaping back into the woods with her little white tail straight up in the air.

I little further down we stopped along a wooden bridge that was built over the conservation land that the Golf Course is built around and spotted quite a few little froggies splashing around in the water........

We could feel rain drops every now and then (at least in between the mosquito bites) so we headed back up to the Explorer. On the way Big Daddy spotted these.....

We watched a whole line of them crawl down the trunk of the tree weaving a white line "whatever it is they make" along behind them. Quite interesting.

We made it home just in time to watch the Thunderstorm (my favorite part of spring.)Big Daddy and I snuggled on the couch and watched The Notebook. We both cried. Hard. Went to sleep holding hands. And woke up the next morning, in the same position.

Monday: Boring. Depressing. Lonely. Raining. That's all I'll say.

Tuesday: Isabella's last day of dance class for the year. Another nice thing about spring: The end to all things that are scheduled in my life. So a few of us went to Kimball's for Ice Cream to celebrate!

Her recital is Sunday and my Mom, Dad and Sister are all coming up from PA YEY!

Then this afternoon as I sat on my porch a family of Geese came waddling by.....

This made me smile. Your smiling too, aren't ya?

Oh and see the Wild White Rose at the top left of the picture, it's now in a vase in my kitchen making my house smell really pretty........

You know what else is making my house smell pretty? These lilacs that Big Daddy picked for me at work and brought home to me on Saturday all wrapped up in a wet paper towel...Hand picked lilacs from my Big Daddy, that's enough to make me love Spring!

-Housewife

Absent

2005-05-31T08:57:00.000-07:00

Have you missed me???? Well, I've missed myself in this blogosphere but am so proud of Housewife for taking charge and gaining us new bloggy friends, and another open letter, I won't ask the question again, but it IS christmas in May. What is better than a good open letter from my Housewife when I have been absent and without internet access for four whole days?! Nothing, I tell ya.

But our commenting number has skyrocketed! Cheers to all of you for stopping by, and we will for surely visit each one of your sites very soon. It is definately going to take me a while to catch up on all my reading and commenting, but I will... and that's a Career Woman promise. However, let me explain to you where I have been and what I have been doing for the last four days...

As most of you know, come this friday, I will be un-employed, which isn't so bad now that I think of it, because before I start my new job - I'll have a lot of time to do some good wedding planning, school work, and duh - tanning. So I decided that in such a case, I should take a vacation day last friday so I did. Pumpkinface's sister and I went bridesmaid dress shopping on Friday. I dropped $200 on that dress - but well worth it, because I will look gorgeous! :) On Saturday morning, I went dress shopping with K-Pac for her bridesmaid dress - another $200, but again, very well worth it because I love her and our weddings, and our dresses. I will look absolutely stunning in aqua - this I know, for sure.

Saturday night was Rascal Flatts!!!!!!!!!!!!!! For those of you who are new to us, I love myself some Rascal Flatts. Pumpkinface surprised me with tickets a couple months ago and took the day off work - just to make me happy to squeeme over my boys. Does he love me or what? When I got back from dress shopping, Pumpkinface, me, Jamie, and Eric and Eric's cousin and brother and his girlfriend (phew - I am tired from typing all that), we went shopping for grub and alcohol and off to the concert we went. Well for those of you who were familiar with the North East this weekend - it was a parade of rain and downpours. This is not good weather for tailgating and lawn seats at a concert. We tailgated in the car and then decided to leave the concert. Well lets just say that it was NOT up to me to leave the concert, but nobody wanted to stay in the rain. I, on the other hand, would survive an F 10 tornado for my Rascal Flatts, but it was like 5 to 1, so I lost out. So we left and where did we drive an hour to, but Mountaineer Racetrack and Casino.

On our way to Mountaineer the skies were turning bluer and bluer, and we know that this weather was going to be going straight to the concert. We made a decision that after a half and hour at the casino and the weather was still clear, we'd turn around and make it back to the concert for Rascal Flatts to come on at 9:15. Let's just say that a half an hour later and $100 in the hole between four of us, the sun was shining and we hauled ass outta West Virginia and back to PA. The whole way back, we danced. And sang. And drank. (illegal I know). And made it back to the concert in record timing just to catch the second song. When I explain to you that I ran, dragging Pumpkinface and others through the graveled parking lot, into the amphitheatre - I mean this girl RAN. But we had a blast. Pumpkinface and I danced, and sang, and canoodled (my word for cuddling).

Sunday and Monday were fun-filled days of Memorial Day picnics. There was card playing and family fun game night at my house playing Monopoly for 3.5 hours. I, for one, have never played a game of Monopoly until last night in life. (and I never ate Spaghetti-o's until 5 months ago - was I deprived). Pumpkinface, me, and my family had the best. time. ever. And leads me up to today - back at work, for three more days, blogging and catching up. I promise a fun-filled post with lots of pictures (once I get the camera) and maybe even an open letter if you are lucky is sure to follow in the days/hours ahead. Again, I've missed you all, it's good to be back!
-Career Woman

Maybe Later

2005-05-30T10:14:00.000-07:00

Well, I had all kinds of stuff to tell you but my computer hates me today and refuses to cooperate and now I'm bummed and don't feel like writing about it. Speaking of BUMmed, I'll at least leave you with a cute picture that will make you smile (and make my daughters hate me in about 10 years.)

-Housewife

A Few Shout Outs

2005-05-27T09:12:00.000-07:00

First of all I want to say Happy Memorial Day Weekend to all you great people out there! The sun is finally shining on New England after 5 long dreary days and guess what? Big Daddy has to work All. Weekend. Long. That means that little ole Housewife and her children will be celebrating Memorial All. By. Ourselves. No family. No friends. No Big Daddy. But there is no time to be sad for me people...Oh no...You have lots of wonderful people to go visit in the blogging world today...Yes you do.....................

Since I'll be pretty much glued to computer for the next three days, as I usually do when I'm in dire need of adult human affection (hey I take what I can get, ) I'll be participating in Michele's Meet N' Greet more times than many of you would like me to this weekend.

And because I figured that new and old people will be visiting here I'd like to give a few shout outs to some blogs that I have come across lately so that you can go enjoy them too! Fun.

You have visit Slacker Cafe. It's a brand spanking new blog so you only have a few short post to read and then your all caught up and ready to follow the life of Meier Queen. If you enjoy A Career Woman and A Housewife, you will surely enjoy Slacker Cafe. All the rants with a twist of heart. Go on over and wish her Happy Birthday!

Now most of you may already know and love Vegemite at day in the life of vegemite in a jar and if you don't then stop on over there and fall in love with Vegemite's adorable aussie cheer and you HAVE to participate in "The Challenge" it's hilarious! She is going to write a themed story by using all the quoted sentences that you leave in her comments. Follow her directions and be creative...this should be a great to read when it's all over...but hurry she only has it open until 5-30 -05 Aussie time!

And last but not least...go on over and see Erin at Calling This Home. Erin has 2 funny open letters for you and a third open letter that I'd like to direct your attention to. Give Erin your thoughts on her situation, I'll be checking back there and reading them too cause I'm interested to know how many of you would handle this. As a mother, it's crazy for me to think that a person could be so ungrateful...So of course...when my feathers are ruffled...You know what I do.....

An Open Letter to the Ungrateful Squawk From Podunk That Made My Friend Cry
(A Letter of Outrage I voluntarily wrote to defend my friends honor)

Dear Ungrateful Squawk From Podunk That Made My Friend Cry,

It has been brought to my attention that you have taken a good friend of mine for granted. And may I remind you that she has been nothing but beneficial to you for the past 7 years. There was a time, Ungrateful Squawk, that you sincerely appreciated what Erin has done for you. I know this simply from your actions of making a room in your home for her and including her in your family photos. Erin, has embraced your family with open arms in return, caring for your children as if they were her own and putting her own schedule aside to accommodate you and your life. These are qualities that are often sought after but rarely found in a nanny and with Erin you have truly struck gold. As a mother, this is something that you hold onto and cherish for as long as you can. Erin has not only provided love and attention for your children when your not able to, but she has also been there for YOU as a friend when you needed help with cleaning.

This is where you become the Ungrateful Squawk. Instead of commending Erin for her unbelievably loyal and admirable services, you choose to belittle her and embarrass her infront of your friends. Stating things such as "Oh that's just 'the help' " and "Well, I guess it's time to get a nanny-cam" are not good ways to show your gratitude. Let me let you in on a little secret, Ungrateful Squawk, those who choose put other down in order to make themselves look better ARE ASSHOLES. Got it. Good.

And here is the kicker and also the part where you become not only the Ungrateful Squawk, but the Ungrateful Squawk From Podunk. It is known that you came from NOTHING. It is also known that you now live lavishly off of your drunken husband's money. I have nothing against people that have gone from rags to riches... This is a situation I pray that most people from Podunk find themselves in at sometime in their life. But YOU, Ungrateful Squawk From Podunk, don't seem to realize your luck and you are shitting on it. You are blessed to be able to live in a brand new $1 Million home, you are blessed to be able to run around with your friends all day and you are blessed that you have a person such as Erin to leave your children with as you run around frivoloulsy and leave even your friend's obnoxious children for your nanny to watch and you only PAY HER $7 an hour when lord knows you could afford to pay her more. I could just spit on you.

Not only have you been treating Erin like shit but your children are so out of control (presumably from the fact that they have such an ungrateful, selfish mother) that they abuse Erin by kicking and scratching her and you DO NOTHING about it. Wow, you are just a gem!

This has understandably hurt Erin's feelings and she is such a great person that she left the room to cry and hide her hurt feelings rather than tear you a new asshole infront of your stupid little friend... And that makes you the Ungrateful Squawk From Podunk That Made My Friend Cry.

Someday life will come back to bit you in the ass, Ungrateful Squawk. You are a disgrace to every mother that wishes she had such freedom as you. And on behalf of all those mothers I like to say "F#CK YOU."

Sincerely
-Housewife

OK, so don't forget to go visit these people and Have a Fun-Filled Weekend!

-Housewife

WARNING (beep, beep) WARNING!!

2005-05-26T18:24:00.000-07:00

We would like to direct your attention to the top of your computer screen. It seems only fair to provide some sort of declaration to advise those opinionated people out there of what exactly A Career Woman and a Housewife are capable of (please see the declaration under the title, thank you.) This little tit-bit of information has been provided for your own safety. Please read it carefully (it has been censored, as to not scare away unsuspecting readers.)

You see, A Career Woman and A Housewife are really just a couple of fun-loving girls that like to have a good time, and for the most part, we post about normal day to day happenings about our lives. Sometimes, things happen that piss us off and you can bet that we'll post about that too. Here, is where some people out there have a problem. Everything you read at A Career Woman and a Housewife is NOT Peaches and Cream. Get over it. Your sense of humor is required here. And in case no one has noticed yet, we thrive on belittling those people that have opinions that are not in our favor. Call it childish. Call bitchiness. Call it a personality quirk. Call it what you want. We call it "this is our blog and we'll get pissed at whatever we want to get pissed at."

Most often when something makes us irate, we will address the matter with our typical "Open Letter." These have become quite popular over the past few months that we've had this blog and it has recently been taken to the next level "Open Letters by Request." Well we think this is just wonderful! A Win/Win situation for all. We get to be mean, readers get to laugh and the person that requested the letter suddenly feels better because of our tight-fisted, bad-tempered, shameless writings. Cheap thrills and guilty pleasures...if these are the only things we do wrong in this world then good for us! Besides, it's not like we would actually say to this stuff to the person's face or anything, oh no, we are much better than that...any matter would be handled in a mature manor of course...That's the beauty of the blogging business, we get to express all of our nastiness and childishness in a fantasy world...some people are not grown up enough to realize this and there for we have, what we like to call here "The Opinionated Assholes." And in honor of this we are going to start "The Opinionated Assholes Hall of Fame."

We're still in the early stages of what this may become, but perhaps one day people will come near and far to see what kind of asinine comments A Career Woman and A Housewife got for defending our children at the playground to filling requests by loyal readers.

Let's take a walk down memory lane......

I'm taking you back to February 19th 2005, what a historical day it was!...A Career Woman and A Housewife received their very first piece of hate mail by the infamous "Anonymous Person."
This triggered the very first Open Letters CW's and HW's. We regret to inform you that back then we didn't know any better and the Anonymous Person's comments were deleted...This was before we realized that it would be MUCH MORE FUN to leave these comments for everyone to see.

Sometimes "The Opinionated Assholes" misinterpret what it is that we are trying to say like on April 19th 2005 when Kaiser gave his/her comment that triggered both an Open Letter and what we like to call "Conspiracy Commenting."

April 24th 2005 I'll direct your attention to another "Opinionated Asshole" City High who felt it was necessary to be contemptible by voicing his/her feelings about a post that was simply detailing CW's weekend. This was handled with "Conspiracy Commenting" only, which is always just as effective.

And today, May 26th 2005 I give to you our latest "Opinionated Asshole," Alexa. Alexa is responsible for triggering our declaration at the top of your screen. As our 4th official "Opinionated Asshole" she made it very clear to A Career Woman and A Housewife that "The Opinionated Assholes Hall of Fame" was definitely in order.

So instead of writing "An Open Letter to the Opinionated Asshole That Tried to Sugar-Coat Her Asinine Comment" (aka Alexa) we will leave it at this...(unless we have requests for "An Open Letter to the Opinionated Asshole That Tried to Sugar-Coat Her Asinine Comment" that is.) And Alexa will always be known as "The Opinionated Asshole that Sparked the Idea for The Opinionated Assholes Hall of Fame," surely a title that any well-suited person would be obliged to have.

So..................................

Do you have any "Opinionated Assholes" at your blog that you'd like to tell us about, perhaps have us add to our Hall of Fame? Tell us about it.

Have any of your "Opinionated Assholes" actually left a blog name or e-mail address for you to respond to? We haven't had the privilege.

Do you have any special request for an Open Letter? We'd love to know.

Or if you just want to be one of those nice and friendly commenters that we love so much because we're not forced to get our panties in a bunch over you, let's hear from ya!

-Housewife

By Request

2005-05-26T11:55:00.000-07:00

I was emailed earlier this afternoon by a certain someone who asked if A Career Woman and a Housewife take blog requests. Well we sure do Kiddies, so this certain someone asked me to write an Open Letter to her sister-in-law. You might be questioning, why her sister-in-law. Well she has a very good reason to put in a request to a Career Woman and Housewife, because we all know how we take out people who double-cross us. It will become blatantly obvious that not only has this sister-in-law from hell double-crossed a good friend of mine, but she double-crossed me. As is obvious, nobody, EVER, gets away with this without some hateration, and... an Open Letter. Therefore....

An Open Letter to the Cucky-Faced Sister-In-Law of My K-Pac Whose Name We Won't Post, but it rhymes with "Taimee":

First off, I would just like to say that you are cucky-faced for a variety of reasons. I chose the term "cucky-faced" for a couple of reasons, one being that you are two-faced bitch, and two, that it is cucky. First I will provide our commentators regarding this letter addressed to you, Cucky-Face with why you are receiving an open letter for the hell you've put my K Pac through. Numero Uno, you are a shitty matron-of-honor to my dearest friend because you lie about the bride, her maid-of-honor, and her family. (i.e. your in-laws). You have forced us to change and alter the color of your race, because you are not white, you are GREEN with envy of A Career Woman and her K-Pac. (I should also state that your green skin tone will not go well with her choice of bridesmaid dresses - that should be enough reason to cut you from the list initially). "Taimee," let me describe to you, your matron-of-honor duties because I believe you have been misled. Number 1, you are supposed to be a good friend, relative, dog, whatever to the bride. You have failed miserably at number one. You have attempted to get her mad at me, her maid-of-honor and her family. Number 2, you are supposed to offer support to the bride and groom and their marriage. Again, Taimee, a miserable attempt has been made to cause friction in the bridal party."Friction" can not be erased changed to "support." Different defintions - let's read up on that, k? Number 3, you are supposed to be happy for the bride, who is your sister-in-law, and again, I do not consider jealously, rage, and envy to fall under Number 3's classification. Another miserable attempt - I hope you aren't this good at your job - sheesh. Please study this this evening because I am all out of lessons for today.

Now on to why you have pissed me off. I do not like getting a phone call from one of my best friends concerned that I have said something negative about them, their wedding, or their family. Especially while I am perched on my bed with snot running down my nose and a slight fever. I like to talk about happy thoughts, such as flowers, weddings, puppies, babies, and your demise. I also do not appreciate your poor attempt to cause me to believe that my future mother-in-law is talking smack. See you made a mistake "Taimee" when you "repeated" what you "heard," because you are obviously not very familar with A Career Woman and a Housewife's blog. If we feel as though we are being personally attacked, we will chew you up, and spit you right back out, then people will comment on what an ass you are. Here, it turns out that the negative, false accusations that you have made regarding the demeanor of myself and my future mother-in-law has been discrete definations and explanations for the jealous, envious behavior. Look, we know we are pretty and your face is cucky. We know that your husband would rather sleep with a dog with mange he picked up on Grant Street in the ghetto than your skinny, cucky-faced, freckled body, but DO NOT personally attack me, my future family, or my best friend. Do not challenge us, you will lose. Just stay envious of us - get some pointers, and fix your own life. Ours are just fine without your assine input. I appreciate your concern. I can also appreciate you playing our game. But you lost.

Sincerely,
Career Woman

Can you click on Unemployed and a Housewife?

2005-05-25T11:09:00.000-07:00

Well, it just keeps gettin' better...

Ya, so I lost my job. Yep, you read right. And don't all go and get "good for you for blogging all the time" on me, because I wasn't fired, instead they ran out of money on the grant I am on, meaning, no money to pay me, meaning, I'm not working for them anymore after next friday, June 3. But don't just feel bad for me, they're shitcanning two attorneys too - nah, just feel bad for me. So anyways, what 'oh what should we name this blog now? A LowLife and a Housewife? Unemployed and Houswife? Ex-Apprentice and Housewife? "You're fired" and A Housewife? How about "Eat Shit 'n Die" and a Housewife?

Well guess what, we aren't changing the name! Because I just figure that by the grace of God, something should open up for me - afterall, I am college educated and will have my master's in less than one year. So I should be cut some slack any day now, wouldn't you think? Yeah, you would think. But I really don't live in the metropolis of greater opportunities. So having a college degree in N.C. really doesn't mean much. Sad...I know.

So the moral of the story - I. Am. Bummed. At least I will be getting a camera and that can fill up some space until I find myself a Big Girl Job - rather than wasting all your tax dollars on unemployment (I promise I won't do it for long - I'm sure I'd be getting hate mail for this). Hey, someone should make blogging a career - I'd make millions! Or maybe if American Idol called me up and asked me to be the fourth judge, that would be grand! But that just isn't how the real world works. Sadly enough, I am going to have to job hunt - again. Fill out applications, send out a million resumes and beg and plead for a position to probably make like $3 an hour doing something I hate just to pay for my insurance so I can get allergy pills so I don't die or take an attempt at my life.

So now, because I am pissed, I don't plan on working much for the next week and a half. Nah, i think I'll blog, take some paid time off, and suck this county for every penny I am worth. Now, perhaps I can spend some time getting over this terrible flu I have, finishing some school work, and fighting with the bug-eyed bitch on my down time. Hey, I just had a thought, maybe my boss read my "Things That Have Annoyed Me In The Last 24 Hours" post yesterday and thought I needed a break. Ha, wouldn't that be funny? (Probably not).

I am going to go clean off my desk, take down some pictures of my favorite people hung all over my office and read some more blogs - sound like a plan?
-Career Woman (oh how it pains me to type that!)

Who Ordered the Rain?

2005-05-24T15:20:00.000-07:00

For some reason the sky has decided to open up and crap on New England and by the looks of things it will continue to crap for the rest of the week. Haven't we been punished enough by this obnoxious precipitation all winter? Give us a break already! My Family Fun Sundays have been obsolete because of it and I can't deal with it anymore!

Because I have a burning itch to go places new and exciting all the time and because my Sundays have been shot to hell I decided that I WILL NOT let this rain stop me anymore.
So as I get that wild hair up my ass now and then, I decided SO WHAT IF IT'S RAINING, I'm going to Maine (wild hair in ass has prevented me from thinking rational and realizing that Maine is on the sea coast and the winds tend to be stronger and that we are in fact in the midst of a potential Noreaster.)

So what does all this mean? This means that Housewife has drove an hour in the rain to stand on the (Beautiful) rocky shores of Maine and get slammed in the face by Gale Force driven rain pellets. This also means that I have 2 terrified and potentially scarred for life toddlers sitting in the car crying because they think the "The Big Puddle" (read: Ocean) is going to swallow Mommy because she JUST HAS TO GET PICTURES OF THE PRETTY LIGHTHOUSE. This also could mean that I no longer have a non-hypocritical reason to laugh at the weather man and call him stupid as he stands in the midst of a hurricane reporting the news to me. Damn. On a brighter note, this also means that Housewife has sacrificed her life to give you pretty pictures of Maine. That's how much I love you people. Enjoy!

2005-05-24T12:22:00.000-07:00

The place I couldn't resist taking a picture of "Russell's Lobsters Fresh off the Boat"

2005-05-24T12:20:00.000-07:00

The face says it ALL

2005-05-24T12:18:00.000-07:00

York Sea Coast, Maine

2005-05-24T12:16:00.000-07:00

The storm that almost killed Housewife

2005-05-24T12:15:00.000-07:00

Cape Neddick ("Nubble") Lighthouse built in 1879

Things That Have Annoyed Me In The Last 24 Hours

2005-05-24T11:10:00.000-07:00

Well aren't I just a great big ball of sunshine today? False. Did anybody else ever just have one of those days where every person, animal, or object has found some way to annoy the shit out of you? Is today one of those days for you? Well...it is for me, and if it isn't for you, I am probably easily-enough annoyed for the universe today. Below, I have compiled a list of things that have annoyed me, ticked my trigger, lighted my torch, in the last 24 hours:

1. Mucus in my throat. I am annoyed by this, so annoyed, that I have even written a letter to the mucus in my throat. Why is it there?....still? It makes my stomach hurt and that's another annoyance in itself.
2. My stomach as hurt me for 5 days now - for five days, I have had diarrehea. Is that a long time? Because on my watch, it is. But I find it hard to go to the potty at work, because:
3. In the woman's restroom, there is chew (snuff, tobacco, etc.) on the toliet. Please direct me to the nearest female who stores a can of chew in her purse and then leaves blatant evidence of her addiction on the back of the toliet seat....in the ladies' restroom. I will punch her in the face.
4. Maybe my stomach has been hurting because I am a hungry girl. I do not eat, unless it is out of a vending machine. I do not have time to eat - and the only good, non-annoying thing coming out of this lack of food supply is that I have dropped three pounds.
5. My lack of eating comes from my annoying hectic schedule. Could somebody please name the drug I was on when I decided to sign up for two summer class, back-to-back, until 10:00 p.m. at night? It is apparent that we need an intervention.
6. I am annoyed that a colleague of mine, left class last night, in a heat of rage, and pissed off my professor and forced us to "process" what happened after class was already over. You, jackass, had forced me to stay 10 minutes longer because you were mad, you couldn't pick your own group. Grow up...please.
7. I am annoyed at the PA Department of Transportation. Why do you insist on tearing up the highway every, single, mother-freakin', summer? What is the rationale? Not only do I play chicken with the road blocks the whole way home at 11 p.m., but you totally shut down the exit I take to get home, so you left me with a detour. I do not work well with detours, especially in a big city. You were the reason for my panic attack last night. You people are assholes, and I hate you.
8. But of course, after such a long day I wasn't able to get a good nights rest. No. No. No. Why, you ask? Because I had to hack, cough, and choke all night long as I attempt to rest in my bed because my illness has moved to my lungs - I love how my infection has been playing tic-tac-toe in my body.
9. I am definately annoyed at my alarm clock for going off so early - I hate the alarm clock, if I slept with a hammer, I'd smash it too pieces.
10. I am annoyed that my sister hides the Special K cereal bars in the mornings when I am leaving for work. You know, others need to eat too - you move them again, I'll chop of your fingers - don't tempt me.
11. I am annoyed that I am thristy right now and the refrigerator is too far away for me to go get my water. I don't want to walk....anymore today. So the pretezels that I am eating are annoying because they are making me thirsty.
12. I am annoyed that Pumpkinface is going to the gym and sending me to go get the lunch. HELLOOOOO... I am sick. You go get our f-in lunch. What do I look like? Grrr....
13. I am majorly annoyed that this day is not over yet! I want to go to sleep. Please let me go to sleep!

Who else is annoyed today or in the last 24 hours? What has annoyed you - maybe that'll cheer me up. I'll laugh at you!
-Career Woman

Tagged Again? Is it Christmas?

2005-05-23T18:22:00.000-07:00

Ya'll better just be feelin' special and stuff, because this girl is coming to you live from Duquesne before my second class. I just finished a midterm (Aced it....of course) and am now waiting 2 hours, yes, that is 120 minutes away from this moment to go to another class until 10:10 p.m. I am sick. I am tired. And I do not want to go to my second class, but Housewife is making me go. That is right....Housewife has put her foot down. So I listened to her, and I am not sure why?! But anyways we were tagged, AGAIN. Is that awesome or what? We were tagged my MommaK who put her own little twist to a Meme and here are the rules and regulations...
Below is MommaK's list. Copy the person's list who has tagged you and only change the things that you have done in another list below. So this is allow all of us to add our own special twist!

MommaK's List:
1. Jumped from a perfectly good plane that's still flying
2. Jumped from a perfectly good bridge with an oversized rubber band around my ankles
3. Had a honeymoon
4. Gotten a speeding ticket
5. Broken a bone
6. Watched an episode of ER
7. Won the Lottery
8. Been in handcuffs
9. Flown in a hot air balloon
10. Missed voting in a Presidential Election

Career Woman's List:
1. Jumped from a perfectly good plane that's still flying
2. Jumped from a perfectly good bridge with an oversized rubber band around my ankles
3. Had a honeymoon
4. Gotten a speeding ticket
5. Had some type of surgery
6. (I have not watched an entire episode of ER, therefore I will add something new): Watched an episode of The Baby Story
7. Won the Lottery
8. Been in handcuffs
9. Flown in a hot air ballon
10. Hit the Jackpot on a Slot Machine

Housewife will tag two people and I am going to tag two people, so I tag Jersey Girl and Erin for this meme!
----------------------------------------------------------

Ok, well at first I was a little confused. Do I copy Momma K's list? Or do I copy CW's list. Or should I copy both of them? But then I was all smart and did my math and figured that if I copied both of them, then the people I tag will have to make two lists. HMMM. Wouldn't wanna do that. And if I just copy Momma K's list then what happens to CW's list? So now that I've bored you with my thought process, I'll change things from CW's list?
(oh and in case some people just aren't as smart as me, I have figured this much out for you...if CW tagged you, then make your list from her list, If I tag you then change from my list. OR if you have time and nothing else to do, then you can copy both of our lists...I on the other hand don't have time for such a thing because with all my deep thoughts that I just had about these lists, my mind should clearly be concentrating on how to solve world hunger and things like that. You understand, no?)

Housewife's List (changed from CW's list)
1. Jumped from a perfectly good plane that's still flying
2. Jumped from a perfectly good bridge with an oversized rubber band around my ankles
3. Had a honeymoon
4. Gotten a speeding ticket
5. Had some type of surgery
6.Have never swam with dolphins
7. Won the Lottery
8. flew in an airplane
9. Flown in a hot air balloon
10. Hit the Jackpot on a Slot Machine

There you have it. Now Imagonna ta-ag (drum roll please) Doug and The Dirty South

I'm off to cure AIDs and Cancer and all that jazz with my amazing mind. Laters.

An Open Letter to the Mucus in my Throat

2005-05-23T12:17:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer: I apologize for the contents of this letter. If you are in anyway grossed out by mucus, such as I, read on...it's not that bad.

Dear Un-invited, highly hated, forever forming, Mucus in my Throat:

You have worn out your welcome. To be quite frank with you, I have had enough. You not-so-gently awoken me from my peaceful slumber Thursday evening, billowing in the back of my throat. You have leaked through every orphus of my body, including: nose, stomach, ass, and throat. You have made me queasy and gag-like for approximately four days now and it is time that you are "nexted." (Like the show on MTV).

I did appreciate your presence slightly on Friday for the coating of infection gracing the back of my throat. For when you were there, it did not pain me to swallow water, gatorade, or soup. For a mini-second, your graciousness was highly accepted. That is until you made me throw-up. You see dear un-invited, highly hated, forever forming mucus in my throat, you have made me throw up. Not once, but twice.

Maybe I should explain something to you. I am afraid to throw up (although I do do it quite frequently) because I tend to bring on anxiety attacks not allowing me to breathe, in turn, fearing for my life. You, mucus, have made an attempt of homocide since late Thursday night until early Saturday morning. You have waken my household for two nights now, because I can not throw up alone (refer to previous post). No one likes you anymore.

But you left again on Saturday and this was half-heartedly appreciated as well. You see, when you packed your bags and hauled ass outta my throat, I quit sneezing, and I quit throwing up, and then I could breathe. However, you left me with pain. Yup, you did. My throat began to hurt again, because apparently you made yourself a great shield to knifing, needle pains each time I swallowed my saliva or a beverage. But, I figured that this lack of un-invited, highly hated, forever forming mucus in my throat meant I was getting better and could then treat my bed sores from not moving for 48 hours. I was utterly gracious of your demise - apparently too soon.

You see dear un-invited, highly hated, forever forming mucus in my throat, it is Monday afternoon and for some reason I can only accept the fact that you came back because you like me. But let's make something clear. I do not like you back. No. My throat is beginning to feel better and you have misled me because my throat is feeling better because you have rejoined the germ infested party in the back of my throat and are going swimming with your friends in my belly again. The pool party is over. Am I clear? You see, if you force me throw up again, I will have to do so at work. I refuse. Because someone, in the LADIES (that is right - I said Ladie's room) restroom has spit tabacco on the toliet seat and I will not wipe it up (which may just lead to another open letter). So I can't throw up today - I am too busy to throw up. Get it?
This is fair warning. If you do not show your white flag... well I don't know what I'll do, but I'll do something, you are going to be in big trouble mister. Remove yourself, and do it quickly, miraculously, and spiritually because I refuse to throw, spit, or shit you out. Are we clear, Mucus?

Thank you sometimes,
Career Woman

Randomness

2005-05-23T10:29:00.000-07:00

I would first like to apologize to everyone for being absent from the blogworld for the last three days! Although I sensed allergies, I was wrong. I went to visit the doctor Thursday afternoon and had a fever with a throat infection which then rudely turned into the full-blown flu - vomiting and all, fun times! Does anybody else not like to throw up on their own. Me, for one, I request an audience when I vomit. Housewife can vouge for this. There is something about throwing up that requires me to think I am going to die. For real. I think that I am going to choke to death so I require the presence of someone in case I need resuscitated(sp). Housewife is usually a good one to come a long for the ride because she's used to vomiting and stuff since she is a mommy and all. So again, please excuse my absence and lack of commenting - I have a lot to catch up on...

In other news, I won $200 yesterday! Yippee! Pumpkinface, me, and his family went to the race track for his dad's birthday yesterday and I won the big bucks...Yup, sure did! Which will gladly save me a trip from the mac machine this week to fund my gas and parking at the assine university. My mom said something rather funny to me this morning - She said, "Morgan, why don't you save that and put it away for the wedding." Ha, me? save? Honestly, who does that?

Which reminds me... the bug-eyed bitch emailed me back finally. She emailed me Saturday, almost a week from when I emailed her with really nothing valuable to say. She was dumb, of course, and a bitch, of course - and now I am forced to write a letter to the dean requesting a meeting concerning my grade appeal. Also, possibly an open letter to her lousy-lame ass excuse for a reply, I hate her.

On to good news!!!!! Pumpkinface and I went shopping for a digital camera yesterday. He is going to buy me one for my birthday which is June 27. I said "My Birthday is June 27." :) So when that day comes, you will get pictures of my freshly pedicured toe nails, my ring, my room, my ass, my eyes, EVERYTHING - because I will be so picture/camera happy that you will being to ask people around me to please take it off of me and place me in rehab because I will be obsessed beyond belief. Prepare yourself now!

I am also very excited because we are going to the Rascal Flatts concert on Saturday! I LOVE Rascal Flatts with every fiber of my being - not more than Pumpkinface, but a lot! After dress shopping with K Pac, we are going to go and tailgate for the day. It's calling for rain (why wouldn't it, it shitty western PA), but hopefully by the grace of God, we'll have a b-e-a-utiful day. (A camera by then would be just lovely - but let's not get ahead of ourselves).

So, do you like Rascal Flatts?
-Career Woman

An Open Letter to The Crazy Lunatic that Stole My Pillow

2005-05-20T23:00:00.000-07:00

Dear Crazy Lunatic that Stole My Pillow,

As a fellow apartmentee, if you want to call that a word, but who cares cause your the Lunatic, I'm sure that you realize that it is hard enough to co-exist in an establishment that houses 20 functioning families and only 2 washers and 2 dryers. We all have lived with the dumbasses that throw our clean laundry onto the floor with no consideration that the floor is in fact gross, just so they could get their load in. We have also put up with asshats that have stopped the dryer half way through your cycle (that you have paid your hard earned dollar for) to throw your still-wet-clean-laundry onto the dirty floor and now you have to pay another dollar and wash it all over again cause God knows nasty floor cuckies stick to wet clothes. My point being, it is one thing to put up with these impatient halfwits, but it is another thing to put up with people that STEAL YOUR PILLOW.

Crazy Lunatic that Stole My Pillow, I don't know what has possessed you to commit such a ridiculous crime. Were you casually strolling past the laundry room at 9 o'clock at night and decided "Hey, I'm tired, I think I'll take that wet pillow out of the dryer and get a little shut eye?" Whatever your reason was, I think your a Crazy Lunatic.

Let me tell you a story, Crazy Lunatic that Stole My Pillow. I spent the last two days chasing my 1 year old around the house with my steam cleaner. Why? She is sick. Yes, sick. So sick, that she has stopped every 5 minutes to either puke or shit on my carpets. This morning, Crazy Lunatic that Stole My Pillow, she came running into my bed just in time to throw up all over it. Including my pillow. The same pillow in which she then curled up on and runny diarrhea then gushed out from the sides of her diaper onto the pillow. All the bed stuff and my pillow then had to sit, piled up, in a corner for the rest of the day until I was able to get it to the wash. I did not get it into the wash until 8:30 this evening. That means that the said pillow has sat in puke and shit All. Day. Long ...long enough for it to soak into every fiber of it's fluffiness.

Now, one must wonder when they see a pillow in the wash. Pillows are not something you usually wash, just for the hell of it. Why did you think my pillow was in the wash, Crazy Lunatic that Stole My Pillow? I'll tell you why. It had PUKE AND SHIT ON IT! I hope that as you lie your twisted brain case on my pillow tonight, it still smells like PUKE and SHIT. Then, maybe you will think twice about being the Crazy Lunatic that Steals Peoples Pillows ever again.

Sweet Dreams,

Housewife

OHMYGOD We've been tagged!

2005-05-20T19:01:00.000-07:00

Zippity-Do-Da! I can just feel the love zapping me right through my computer screen! What a week! We scored a rockin' 32 comments on my protester post, we had them coming out of the woodwork on that one. All of our gracious thanks go out to Amalah for sending people that actually comment our way. Whoo-hoo! And then, a very wonderful person which whom I do not know but will soon become her best friend has made A Career Woman and A Housewife her Blog of the Day. How cool is that? We've like reached superstar status! I like to return favors, so I'll throw y'all in her direction...Go visit Sometimes It's Peaceful! AAAANNNNNDDDDDD.......our "totally rockin' wish we could go party with her by the way who cares that we are 10 years younger than you" friend True Jersey Girl TAGGED US! We always wanted to be tagged, we were sad cause we didn't think anyone thought enough of us to hear our opinions on things and now........WE'VE BEEN TAGGED! YEEE-HAW!

So here it is and here's the deal.

True Jersey Girl sent us these questions we're gonna answer them and then tagged some peeps that we know......... So of course, if you've been tagged, answer these questions on your site and tag away!

1) Total volume of music files on my computer.

Yeah, this is a little embarrassing. I may have a blog but that does not mean I claim to know ANYTHING about computers. I'm really not so sure I have any music files on my computer, being that I never downloaded any music to my computer. Besides, if I ever did, I have no idea where to go on my computer to see what the volume is. Is that sad?

2) The last CD I bought was:

OK, OK, I'm not too too far behind on this one, I bought Ciara's CD a few months ago cause I like to shake my booty to One-Two Step while I clean my house.

3) Song playing right now:

In all honesty...I can hear SpongeBob coming from the livingroom. But, Mob Hits is in my CD player.

4) Five songs I listen to a lot or that mean a lot to me (in no particular order):

1.Lady's Night - Lil' Kim, means a lot cause that's my crews MF'n THEME SONG

2.Me and You - Kenny Chesney, this is mine and Big Daddy's song

3.Regulators - Warren G and Nate Dog (or should I say Nikki G and Morg Dog) cause we just rock that song!

4. That's Amore - Dean Martin, it seems like every time I have ever had a good time somewhere, that song was playing.

5. The Way You Look Tonight - Frank Sinatra , me and my daddy always dance to to this or we'll just start singing it at random moments when we're together, We LOVE Frank.

5) What five people are you passing this baton to, and why?

Alright I'll pick a few and then let Career Woman pick some. First I want to pass this to Leonie cause I'm curious to know what's going down in London! And of course I'll pass it to Erin cause I'm sure she'll pick songs that Morgan and I love too cause we somehow think we are related.

It's Friday Night and CW can't get to a computer until Monday. I know the suspense will kill you but you'll have to wait 'til Monday to hear CW's answers. Sorry.

-Housewife

CW and HW Personal Meme

2005-05-19T11:24:00.000-07:00

So apparently, these "memes" are becoming some big deal - although we have never been tagged for one, I find it appropriate to make up our own fun meme. It's our own personal theme, aren't you excited? So here 'er goes, and when you comment with the answers to our questions, we'd like you to "tag" someone else with the one and the only, A Career Woman and Housewife's Personal Meme!

If you could marry any celebrity in the world, who would it be, why, and what would you name your children?

If you could drink your favorite beverage with your favorite person, who would it be and what would you drink?

If you were to dye your hair, what color would you change it to and who would you remind yourself of?

If you were able to spend $1,000,000 in one store, which store would it be?

If you were thinking of getting engaged or are, or are married, what type of ring would you prefer or purchase?

What color bridesmaid gowns should Career Woman pick for her bridal party? Hint: This is a summer wedding.

Think of a person that you despise...got one?...how could you make their life a living hell?

What is your favorite color to look at and what is your favorite color to wear?

Do you love A Career Woman and a Housewife? Why?

-A Career Woman and a Housewife

What I Know Is...

2005-05-19T09:13:00.000-07:00

1. I (heart) Amalah.com for making us her friend and her friend's friends! I mean people, do you see the amount of comments on our previous post? It is like Christmas in May! In Housewife's words, "We are the like the popular kids sitting at the popular lunch table right now." And I couldn't agree more! Thanks again Amalah "Homecoming Queen of All Blogs."
2. I know that I did get showered, and, uh, 'er dressed in 20 minutes today - that's right, I said 20 minutes. There is nothing better than your alarm going off and being able to fall back asleep but there is something better than running around like a chicken with my head cut off for 20 minutes attempting to make myself presentable. This girl, with the beautiful hair (so says Roly Poly), is not looking her "steller" self this wonderful Thursday. I think I brushed my teeth and was able to pee in the mix of all this...I think. (Breath check). Yup, I brushed them.
3. I do not (heart) allergies. At. All. If my nose was any more tickly, I would think I had a feather duster up it. If my throat was anymore scratchy, I would imagine that I have a gigantic cactus stuck down it, and if my eyes were any itchy, I would believe that someone has tainted my mascara and has replaced it with black, itching powder. Damn Maybelline. (I know, I use maybelline, do you believe it).
4. I know that caffinated coffee makes my heart race and doctors orders state that I am not allowed to drink it - however, although I hate the sensation, I enjoy the fact that I am able to keep my eyes open, and blog one-hundred miles per minute. Early heartattack at 24 shouldn't kill me, right?
5. I know that I need a mother-f*cking digital camera before my birthday on June 27. I said MY BIRTHDAY IS JUNE 27. I need it for June 18, because it is my cousin's wedding and I will certainly take a million and one pictures of my pumpkinface in his charming suit and I will take pictures of my liquored up parents. (For those of you who know my parents - you will find pictures of them dancing on some type of bar - uh-huh, yep, they dance on bars - to "Shoop" - Salt 'n Pepa's "shoop").
6. I know that I would like to start a scrapbook. Where I will find the time is beyond me, but Erin's pictures and Housewife's scrapbooks have influenced me...like the plague.
7. I know that my nails need done for our engagement picture saturday. That is right, our ENGAGEMENT PICTURE! Gah! K-Pac got hers back, they are beautious, hopefully mine will be half as nice. I think I will also get a pedicure, but I am embarrassed of my feet - I have a bunion! Thanks Gram...
8. I know that my bug-eyed bitch professor is going to get a sharp object in her eye if she does not reply to my email. I will deal with this non-sense no longer. I hate her like Leonie hates Macaroni and Cheese.
9. I also know that for some reason I am not able to link all your sites that we love and hold so dearly so here they are:
http://callingthishome.blogspot.com and http://leoniekate.blogspot.com
10. I know I am going to tan today and that will make me feel a lot better about my appearance today. Doesn't that just make everybody feel better? And I am sure that I will have sweat spots on my ass in my pants because I will not burn my toosh and go underroo-less. I am pale when not tan and I sit for way too long.

I am going to go and fill up my caffeinated coffee cup - and maybe work, but more than likely, I will blog some more - Is there anything funner?
-Career Woman

Protesters... HUH!

2005-05-18T12:52:00.000-07:00

I really didn't want to get all "current-event" on you. That's never what this blog was intended for, but I heard something on the NEWS last night that highly irritated me and I have to vent (plus, nothing else is going on for me to talk about.)

Now, before I begin, let me just say that I have made posts in the past that were NEVER meant to spark controversial issues. Yet, somehow they did. Perhaps my readers were yearning for controversy on this blog and had to make something out of nothing. I don't know. But as always, I aim to please... So if you want controversy...Here it is.........................

This story ran on my FOX 25 10:00 NEWS last night. The link I provided you is from a local Newspaper, FOX 25 NEWS did not have a link on their site for the story that they had aired, but I may quote some things that FOX 25 had said on TV. If you don't want to read the whole story, I'll recap for you.

Englesby Intermediate Scool in Dracut Massachusetts held a "Women in History" Essay contest. The winner of the contest was a 12 year-old girl that submitted an essay about Ellen DeGeneres. Fox 25 NEWS reported, school officials stressed that the girl won soley because of her writing style and not because of the content of her paper. So for those people out there that may not understand, SHE DID NOT WIN BECAUSE SHE WROTE ABOUT LESBIANS,SHE WON BECAUSE OF HER WRITING STYLE. Moving on....An Anti-Gay Group based out of the Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka Kansas lead by Pastor Fred Phelps somehow caught wind of this. They sent a flier to the Englesby School (and I quote this from The Lowell Sun) "The invective-laden leaflet includes a photo of the Englesby School and a grotesque devil. The diatribe attacks the staff, labeling it a 'homo-fascist regime,' among other things." Pastor Phelps has also contacted the acting chief of Police in Dracut to secure a picketing permit at the school. One of which Cheif Richardson may not approve because the protest will disturb the school day. Now someone is thinking!

Let me also say, that this Anti-Gay group lead by Pastor Phelps became notorious in 1998 when they stood across the street shouting at mourners of 21 year-old Matthew Shepard of Wyoming who was murdered in an anti-gay hate crime. They held signs that read "Matthew is in hell" for all of his family and friends to see as they prepare to burry their loved one.
Please correct me if I'm wrong, but these so-called evangelical people that claim to be so holy and good, they claim to follow God and love Jesus, find it GODLY to spread so much hate. I can't help but to laugh at them. If they are true Christians, I would presume that they know the Ten Commandments...Murder is wrong...if they want to protest against something they should be outside the courthouse protesting against Matthew Shepherd's murderers and praying that Matthew goes to heaven for having lost his life in such a hateful, violent way. Get a clue!

I feel the same way about this victimized Middle School and it's innocent students. These children are 9 through 12 years old. This 12 year old girl wrote about a Woman that she felt played a part in history. After all, this girl lives in Massachusetts, it is the first state to legalize Gay Marriage...it is part of her society in a state that she lives in. I think it is great that she was mature enough at 12 years old to recognize the importance that Ellen DeGeneres may have played in the history of this country. And although the school claims she won because of her writing style and not because of her content...Who cares if it WAS about the content...People are going to have to start realizing that times are changing and the world is evolving and the only thing that's going to make this world a terrible place are the people that are spreading hate, not the people that are loving one another (no matter what sex they love.)

These people are going to travel all the way from Kansas to Massachusetts to subject children 9 through 12 years old to protest and violence. They have sent fliers to their school with pictures of the devil on them. If these people want to claim they are religious...I suggest they quit promoting hate and the devil...all they are doing is spreading the wrong message to these children. Instead of demonstrating what God intended on this earth, LOVE and PEACE...they are demonstrating what the devil himself wanted HATE and VIOLENCE.

Yes, I understand that the Bible states that marriage should be between a man and a woman. But the Bible also states that we should love one another. If these people think that Gays and Lesbians are sinning and if they have that much faith in God to believe that it's truly wrong, than they also should believe that the Gays and Lesbians will deal with their sin on judgment day by God himself. If they don't approve of it than they shouldn't do it....leave these poor people alone. If they insist on hurting the feelings of people like Matthew Shepherd's family and a small girl that wrote an award winning essay then THEY are the SINNERS...They are no better than a sexually confused being.

This same group plans on protesting at a Lexington High School graduation because the school recognized the Gay-Straight Alliance Club. WWJD? Be grateful that the straight students there are accepting of their Gay peers and not projecting violence against them. These people of this Anti-Gay group sicken me with their protest. I'm not putting them down for their beliefs, I'm putting them down for the way they are handling themselves. Again, if they are so religious than they should know that there is nothing more powerful than prayer...so if they would put their effort into prayer instead of protest than maybe they would make progress - Peacefully - as God intended.

Just like the idiots that bomb abortion clinics. OK, you think these women are so wrong for killing a baby...what makes you think your so right by killing the people that work there by blowing the building up. Honestly, people do not think!

It's like this...Everyone sins...whether you told a lie, cheated, swore, stole, had impure thoughts WHATEVER...a sin is a sin....Ellen Degeneres is no more wrong by kissing her girlfriend than you are by saying "F#CK", eating a grape at the grocery store, or having sex out of wedlock.

Now there's something to send me hate mail about. If you disagree with me...BY ALL MEANS, LET ME KNOW....cause I'm dying to hear how you justify yourself.

In the meantime, the rest of you out there can pray that Chief Richardson doesn't allow this Anti-Gay group to protest infront of these school children, even if it does violate their "freedom of speech." And if he does, then pray that these children will understand that some people in the world just don't have their heads screwed on too tight!

-Housewife

A Bunch of News

2005-05-17T10:20:00.000-07:00

Okay, first thing is first... Ashlee and Billy got engaged Saturday night. For those of you who don't know, Billy is Pumpkinface's cousin and best man in our wedding, and Ashlee is one of my very dear friends whom is also a bridesmaid in my wedding. It's another wedding, which means that K.E. and Scottie (my maid of honor and Pumpkinface's other bestman) are the only two left out of our "group." But they are living in sin...hahaha, KIDDING K.E. Hip-hip-hooray! So, congratulations to them!

In other news, today is the primaries for the District Attorney and Judge race back at home in good 'ole N.C. My current boss is running for Judge which is so exciting, and makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, just because, my current boss and neighbor may become judge and if I ever decide to like kill somebody at my university or something, maybe he will cut me some slack. You think? Probably not. But anyways, I think it is really cool, that I will vote today, for my second time in my life for something I feel is pretty darn important! I might be working the polls tonight with my good friend MG (another bridesmaid of mine)because my boss is her uncle. Vote Mangino!

On to something else, I am in my second week of summer classes, which means that I only have three weeks left! Is that awesome or what?! This getting home so late bullshit is getting real old, but it's worth the six credits I won't have to do in the fall, Fo-Sho. And I did run into Roly-Poly last night. If I may remind you, Roly-Poly is the one that I have grown to hate throughout the last few weeks. He is the one whom has accused me of doing the things that the bug-eyed professor has blatantly lied about, and asked me to "stop emailing him," because in more or less words, he stated that they have bigger fish to fry. So, I have done what was asked of me. I have not contacted anyone, (until possibly today, because I am pissed all over again), and of course, they have not contacted me. But I run into him last night on my way to my second class. I am sitting on my bench with my friend Rachel and two other classmates talking about the fact that the professor we have for the second class favors Rachel and I, when Roly-Poly walks up to me. I say to myself, "Self, he is either going to say something smart and you are going to have to stab him in his eye with your pen, or he is going to tell you good news regarding the bug-eyed bitch who's mission is to ruin your life and reputation." He did neither. Right. So you are thinking to yourself, "What the hell could he have said?" Well here is the conversation between him and I:

RP: Your hair is beautiful!
CW: 'Uh, what, 'uh, 'er, huh?
RP: Your hair - It's gorgeous! What color do you call that?
CW: (Obviously in a state of shock and disbelief) Um, it's called "I was blonde, then I wanted to be a redhead, now I am trying to be a blonde again." (what the f*ck is he talking about?)
RP: Well, it is just beautiful, some girl in my last class has hair color and styled just like yours and I just love it! (To another student): "Isn't her hair just beautiful?"
CW: Ummm...'er, ok, thanks.

OKAY - SO WHAT THE HELL IS THAT ABOUT?!?!?!?!?!?! Did this man not hate me, did this man not state that he does not have time for me, but he can take time to admire my hair, rather than my desire for an A? What is wrong with this world? So, now I am at a fork in the road. Do I contact Two-Ton Tessie regarding whether or not she has contacted the bug-eyed bitch, (because I am too worried he might enjoy my bra size or something next time I run into him), or leave it alone, AGAIN, until they decide that I am important? Sidenote: Three colleagues of mine who had the same class I did and are not satisfied with their grades have contacted the bug-eyed bitch and she was a snot to them as well. How freakin' professional, right? So, I advise all three of these students to contact Roly Poly or Two Ton Tessie regarding their concerns so that I do not appear to be the only wackjob with this concern!

Well off to do something productive and in my job description for the day. Oh and I think that I am getting a pedicure on Friday, I am excited about that! Have a wonderful day!
-Career Woman

Friday Night in NC

2005-05-16T14:31:00.000-07:00

It seriously takes an act of Congress for a Housewife to go out with the girls on a Friday night!

Career Woman was to pick me up at 7:30p.m. Now it typically takes me about an hour to shower, do my hair, get dressed and put on make up. When I say typically, that means with out interuption and without too much rush. However, in The House of Never Ending Candy and Popscicles, functions one small bathroom, a very frusterated Housewife, one nagging Mother, and 2 crying children. The Housewife was frusterated because she had to go to Wal-Mart to get pull-ups for one of the crying children before she went out and the nagging mother had to come along. The nagging mother has a serious problem that should required therapy when it comes to "being quick" in Wal-Mart. It can't happen. Ever. I stressed many times the whole way to Wal-Mart that I MUST be home by 6:15p.m. so I could get ready to go out.

Housewife did not make it home until 6:45p.m. I flew into the shower (taking just a few extra seconds to scrub away at my orange feet). Then, I attempted to straighten my hair. This may be not so much of a big deal to some people out there, but this girl has the thickest, frizziest, curliest hair EVER. By this time I am sweating bullets, it's 80 degrees outside and I just blew hot air at my head for 35 minutes straight and my mom is screaming for me to change Sophia's messed diaper. At this time Career Woman is knocking on my door and this frizzy haired, no make-up, sweatin' (but still pretty) girl is no where near ready to be seen on the town. And may I add that I busted my thumb nail while letting her in the door, I bled and had to wear a bandaid on my thumb the whole night. Sure that would be alright if I wanted to be like Nelly or something. Am cool.

Hi. Career Woman here. I just wanted to vouge for the beginning of Housewife's story. To start things off, I agree that some type of bill needs to be passed in order for Housewife to be allowed for a night on the town. But have no fear, Career Woman was here. I nipped her hectic life and children right in the bud. I played guitar (yes, just like, Ricky Sambora) for Sophie, and then played with flying ducks "at their wedding," with Bella. So Housewife had a few minutes on her own to primp and pamper her lovely tressels! I'll let her tell ya about the car ride over!

Okay, so we are finally able to exit the house. Bertha has yelled and shouted my name 8 million and one times to clean out the shower. I clean out the shower, get in the car, and thank gawd Career Woman is driving because I have to take the 8 minute car trip to Mulligans to apply lipstick, help Big Daddy balance the checkbook via cell phone (See, Housewife can still perfrom her Housewife-ish duties while preparing to become intoxicated), and fight with my mother. Yes, Bertha called me during my busy car ride to tell me that I have left a bottle of shampoo on the bottom of the shower. Not so sure what it was that she wanted me to do about it since we were pulling in Mulligan's parking lot. But it was somehow nessacary that I was informed of this. Bertha made me cry. I wiped my tears. Re-applied mascarra. And returned to my hotness and went into Mulligan's.

Hola, Career Woman here... So we get to Mulligans and poor K-Pac and flava were waiting for us on the dining room side (a.k.a. the boring side). Mulligans was packed. And you know what this means. There were lots of people we knew and liked, didn't like, strangers we did not know but made fun of their outfits, men who wanted us - Sorry boys, we're taken! But we had a good time. But of course, we get the one waitress in the place whom obviously hates us both (you'll have that), and more than likely our food was served with feces, urine, and hockers in it. Mmmm...Yummy! We were worried that we led our readers astray, because the first half hour consisted of no one to make fun of.

Housewife here! What Career Woman forgot to mention was, we shared a meal, Career Woman ordered and payed for it...see it was just like a date, just short of a goodnight kiss...who knows maybe there was one...no no no no no. We ate, laughed, and fixed my shirt about 100 times because my breastestess were just dying to jump out of my shirt and onto the table. Again we were in the dining room so it was pretty uneventful at first. Except that K Pac and her fiance saw my bra more times than what they would have liked. Usually we would be making fun of the hussied up girls pushing their way to the bar, that's just how we operate. Fun at the expense of others. That's what you have to do when your on a budget. But, over in the dinning room there's just families and middle-ages couples having dinner, nothing to exciting, until......

A middle-aged woman walked into the restuarant wearing a lime green, tiger-striped blouse and pants suit, if you will. And as if this wasn't bad enough...I am postive that her and her husband had a lovely meal because she must have had an entire Mulligan's Chicken Bone stuck in her teeth. The woman in the lime green tiger stripes pulled out an economy sized package of dental floss from her purse, unraveled all 10 feet of it and began sawing away at her lower gum...back and forth for a good 10 minutes (hopefully she will be touching up her, now smudged, bright red lipstick). And if THIS wasn't bad enough the Mulligan's Chicken Bone came flying out of her mouth and poked her husband right in the eye. No it didn't. But that would have been a good ending to the story.

K Pac and her sidekick had to leave for a party but by this time 4 of our other friends joined us at the table. And as I said, there was, laughing, talking, eating, drinking, and more laughing. And I do mean laughing...our 2 friends Matt and Billy were telling stories about when they were younger and at one point I looked up and every table in the dining room was looking at us and laughing right along with their stories. We are that loud.

Career Woman is back! We decided to leave Mulligan's to go meet Bertha (she was already in a bad mood, and we were already late). We do not meet Bertha at a place similar to Mulligans. No, no, no. You found this Career Woman and a Housewife in a Biker bar on a Friday night. Say it with us, "B-I-K-E-R BAR." Such a bar, it was called "Rick's Rocky Top Inn." Let me just set the scene for you. The bar consisted of middle-aged to older men and women in self-made, cut off Levi's, cut-off flannel shirts, greasy ponytails on women AND men. Chaps, leather vests, and cowboy boots were also worn. We were greeted by Dirty Biker Guy #1 and Dirty Biker Guy #2 as soon as we reached the bar. Housewife bought Career Woman a beer and herself a st-rong cranberry, applepucker and vodka. We were offered seats by Dirty Biker Guy #1 and Dirty Biker Guy #2. We declined (thank you very much), and went about our business. We overheard an "intelligent," conversation between Dirty Biker Guy #1 and Dirty Biker Guy #2 regarding a Career Woman and a Housewife. Dirty Biker Guy #1 said to Dirty Biker Guy #2 "What do you want to order?" and Dirty Biker Guy #2 replied by saying "I want one of 'dem 'der women." The "women" he was referring to was yours truly. We declined again. But the fun wasn't over yet.... no, no, no.

So Career Woman and I were seated at a table, with plastic chairs, and a checkered, sticky tablecloth, and in walks our amusement for the evening. Remember the conversation we typically have that we posted about, when below is our actual conversation regarding a group of girls who walked into the biker bar.

CW: Do you know who that is that is sitting up there?
HW: No, who is that?
CW: Blah Blah
HW: Ohhhhh, didn't people used to call her something because of the funny way she walks?
CW: Yep, they called her a waddling duck.
HW: That's right!... She got FAT.
CW: Heck ya she did...and when she talks to you, she doesn't look at you or something.
HW: Isn't that like a sign of self-esteem or something?
CW: Yeah, but not for her, she's just defective.

So was I right, or was I right about our typical conversations when A Career Woman and a Housewife go out for a night on the town? Anyways, sorry this post was so long awaited, if blogger was not such an asshole, you would have had this for your enjoyment Saturday evening as Housewife and I sat home and posted!
-A Career Woman and A Housewife

The 80's and 90's Rocked!

2005-05-16T10:05:00.000-07:00

My friend Nicole sent me this email and it is oh, so true! Housewife and I were born in 1980 and 1981! I remember, did, or wore, or said every one of these things! (And don't worry everybody, we had some posting problems on saturday evening when we were giving you a detailed description of our night on the town, but blogger screwed us and we have to re-do it, it'll be coming soon!)

You know you grew up in the 80's or early 90's if:
1. You've ever ended a sentence with the word "SIKE"
2. You watched the Pound Puppies.
3. You can sing the rap to the "Fresh Prince of Bel-Air" and can do the Carlton".
4. Girls wore biker shorts under their skirts and felt stylishly sexy
5. You yearned to be a member of the Baby-sitters club and tried to start
a club of your own.
6. You owned those lil' Strawberry Shortcake pals scented dolls.
7. You know that "WOAH " comes from Joey on Blossom
8. Two words: Hammer Pants
9. If you ever watched "Fraggle Rock"
10. You had plastic streamers on your handle bars....and "spokey-dokes"
or playing cards on your spokes for that incredible sound effect
11. You can sing the entire theme song to "Duck Tales "
12. It was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons
13. You wore a ponytail on the side of your head
14. You saw the original "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles " on the big screen...
and still know the turtles names.
15. You got super-excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.
16. You made your mom buy one of those clips that would hold your shirt
in a knot on the side
17. You played the game "MASH " (Mansion, Apartment, Shelter,House)
18. You wore stonewashed Jordache jean jackets and were proud of it.
19. L.A. Gear....need I say more?
20. You wanted to change your name to "JEM " in Kindergarten.(She's truly
outrageous.)
21. You remember reading "Tales of a fourth grade nothing" and all, the Ramona books
22. You know the profound meaning of "WAX ON, WAX OFF"
23. You wanted to be a Goonie.
24. You ever wore fluorescent clothing.
25. You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell
off and his cheeks shifted and when he wore that white glove!
26. You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.
27. You took lunch boxes with thermos's to school... and traded
Garbage Pail kids in the schoolyard.
28. You remember the CRAZE, then the BANNING of slap bracelets.
29. You still get the urge to say "NOT " after every sentence.
30. You remember Hyper color t-shirts.
31. Barbie and the Rockers was your favorite band.
32. You thought She-ra (Princess of Power!) and He-Man should hook up.
33. You thought your childhood friends would never leave because you
exchanged handmade friendship bracelets.
34. You ever owned a pair of Jelly-Shoes.
35. After you saw Pee-Wee's Big Adventure you kept saying "I know you are, but what am I?"
36. You remember "I've fallen and I can't get up".
37. You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates.
38. You ever got seriously injured on a Slip and Slide.
39. You have ever played with a Skip-It.
40. You had or attended a birthday party at McDonalds.
41. You've gone through this e-mail laughing and nodding your head in agreement.
42. You remember Popples.
43. "Don't worry, be happy"
44. You wore like, EIGHT pairs of socks over tights with high top Reeboks.
45. You wore socks scrunched down
46. You remember boom boxes. . and walking around with one on your shoulder like you were all that.
47. You remember watching both "Gremlins " movies.
48. You know what it meant to say "Care Bear Stare!!"
49. You remember watching "Rainbow Bright" and "My Little Pony Tales"
50. You thought Doogie Howser/Samantha Micelli was hot.
51.. You remember Alf, the lil furry brown alien from Melmac.
52. You remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool... and
don't even flinch when people refer to them as "NKOTB".
53. You knew all the characters names and their life stories on "Saved By The Bell," The ORIGINAL class.
54. You know all the words to Bon Jovi - SHOT THROUGH THE HEART.
55. You just sang those words to yourself
56. You remember watching Magic vs. Bird.
57. Homemade Levi shorts... (the shorter the better)
58. You remember when mullets were cool and rat tails!
59. You had a mullet!
60. You still sing "We are the World"
61. You tight rolled your jeans.
62. You owned a banana clip.
63. You remember "Where's the Beef?"
64. You used to (and probably still do) say "What you talkin' about Willis?"
65. You had big hair and you used tons of hairspray for your bangs...the wave!
66. You're still singing shot through the heart in your head, aren't you!!!

Add some more if you can think of any!
-Career Woman

T.G.I.F.

2005-05-13T13:50:00.000-07:00

Phew, It has been one hell of a week, thus, I have survived. I have had 40 hours of work and 16.5 hours of classes and I am still kickin' - except for the massive explosion going on inside my stomach right now causing me to run to the restroom every 15 minutes in the secret hallway with a single stall (Thank Gawd). I don't know what the frick I ate, or drank, or breathed in (which seems to be the way I get bellyaches nowadays), but it has taken a toll on this girl. I, for one, might not be the royal blast, and rip-roorin' good time I normally am, sad news, I know. However, hopefully Housewife will sucker down at least 1.5 drinks and be off her rocker, swearing and cussing out everyone, including me (which she did last time). I will for surely recommend a drunken post for your enjoyment!

Possibly my belly will begin feel better after a soak in the tanning bed and a little inspiration from my Housewife. And like she said in her post, we will more than likely run into someone we like and would love to carry on a conversation with and more than likely we will also run into someone whom we'd like to tear every limb from their body, chop into little pieces, and feed them to their own dogs, because, gawd, I'd never let my beloved Pooches or Dig Dog eat someone so tainted. When we go out, (which nowadays, considering two children, a husband, and a fiance, is more like dinner and a couple of drinks once every six months), we act like high school valley girls, with attitude, finger-snappin', "mmm'hmmm's," all the while with a glass of wine in our hands (see, that makes us more "mature"). But our conversations during our night out seems to always follow a similar path...

CW: There's that skank whore, remember her in high school, she was always fat. I hate her guts.
HW: Yeah, she's a bitch. I'd like to pluck out every eyelash, lash by lash.
CW: If she looks this way one more time, I swear I am going to go over there, and sock her in the f-in face so she'll need plastic surgery, then afterwards, maybe, she'll look better.
HW: She's ugly, she can't look better.

Or....
HW: Oh Look, it's "so-and-so." I haven't seen them in forever. Sheesh, how long has it been?
CW: Wow, it has been a long time, we're getting old.
HW: But, we're still pretty.
CW: Oh, yeah, definately.
HW: Call her over here, I don't know if she'll remember us.
CW: Okay.... wait, 'er, um, she's ignoring us.
HW: Whatever, she's ugly.
CW: Oh yeah, obviously jealous.
HW: Did I tell you you look pretty tonight?
CW: Awe, you too!

You can typically insert different names in this conversation, however, they all follow the same route. If you are our friend and you come and talk to us, you're lucky we like you. If you are our friend and ignore us this evening, you're rude and more than likely jealous. If you are not our friend and gawk, I feel bad for you, you're ugly and jealous. If you are a stranger, who we do not know, more than likely you outfit and hair-do is going to be all wrong and we'll talk about it. If you are a guy, and you're staring at us, keep staring, we're pretty, but we're taken!

-Career Woman

An Outrageously Long Post About Nothing

2005-05-12T23:59:00.000-07:00

OK, OK, OK Where's a girl to start?

First off, "Hello, my precious little blog and Hello to my even more precious blog (and real, awe hell, your all 'real') friends!"

So you all know I'm here in PA, right? Most of you know that this means I have had very limited time on the computer, no? Hopefully I don't need to apologize to ya'll about why I haven't blogged in a few days but I would like to apologize to myself for all the catching up I just had to do...let's make this formal: Self, I am so sorry that I have deprived you from blogging for 4 whole days, I know this was very hard for you. I know that we have a mutual understanding that our days cannot function properly without reading about the daily lives of others, I cannot express my remorse for this faulty behavior I have exposed you to. More importantly I would like to apologize for this past hour that I made you sit here and read every single missed post on every single blog on our blogroll, I realize this was a tiring effort and promise to never make you go so long without blogging and blog reading ever again. Please find it with in your self to forgive me.

OK, now I'd like to say that I really wanted to comment on all of your charmingly funny posts that I enjoyed ever so much but I just did not have the time to do so, if I wanted to make a post of my own...but please know that I've read them all and laughed and smiled and thought about what I would have commented.

UPDATE: Myself has just informed me that I am forgiven. Thank goodness, I hate when I'm mad at myself.

Yeah, so your all probably wondering what I've been up to these past few days...I'll try to put in a nutshell for you...
I've been cleaning my house here in PA and getting it ready for my brother-in-law who will be renting from us... visiting my family...fighting my allergies...missing Big Daddy...wishing I could blog...dreading the ride back to Mass...trying to make Career Woman understand that I am in fact more important that her school and work and Pumpkinface and she SHOULD in fact revolve her schedule around me (so far, I do not think this has sunken in)...trying to keep Isabella and Sophia disciplined as they thrive in the House of Never Ending Candy and Popsicles...enjoying the beautiful weather...and spending quality time with my 'lil Sis.

I'll elaborate on a few of these things......

I'm assuming I have allergies. Full blown allergies to be exact. In my whole life I have never had an allergy problem, however the past few years I've experienced a slight sore throat, mild runny nose and occasional sneezing throughout the so called "allergy Season." Really this was no big deal, I dealt with it in a very calm, nonchalant sort of way. Tis the year of exception - my eyes itch and burn, I have Niagara Falls pouring from my nostrils, I have cheated death by surviving over 20 sneezes in a row and I cannot swallow without whining about how sore my throat is ...I'm not good company. I woke up Wednesday morning and my entire left eye was swollen shut and I could barely see out of my right eye through all the mucus. This was not pretty. I was not happy. So I purchase some Claritin so that I would not just be "clear" I'd be "Claritin Clear" and clear I was, within the first hour I had taken it. Oh how I praised Claritin to all that was around me! But if you talk to Claritin, Claritin will tell you that you cannot exceed more than 1 pill in a 24 hour period. Ok, Claritin, that's fine, I'll assume that you will keep me sneezy-free for 24 hours. Well, within 8 hours my eye began to swell back up and snot came shooting out of my nose ever 5 minutes. Claritin lies, don't believe anything Claritin tells you. But it does work great for a good 8 hours, so time your dosage accordingly.

The good "clear" 8 hours that I squeezed out of Wednesday, I spent at my house, cleaning and working in the yard. It was near 80 degrees and beautiful. As most of you know I cannot get a reasonable tanning appointment so I'm very pasty white. I hate it. But I had to wear shorts, it was freakin' hot. My white legs were very embarrassing. So embarrassing that I stooped to a level so below me in a desperate effort to make myself look more attractive. Sunless Tanning Lotion. I know, I know, I can just hear you all gasping in utter disappointment. I mean, I know better than this. I've done this to myself before. I have willing turned myself a streaky orange color in an attempt to appear sun kissed to other beings. I have learned this lesson years ago. But it's amazing what moments of desperation will do to a person. At times when the glare off of your chalky white skin beams into your eyes paralyzing your brain from telling you this is not a good idea, one cannot recognize that she is being too optimist and too gullible to believe that technology has really developed a Sunless Tanning Lotion that does not streak or turn you orange. I am proud to say that a little voice in my head warned me not to be so naive as I stand in the bathroom naked with the spray bottle aimed at my white bodice, I cautiously only sprayed my legs just to see what fluorescent color I would turn. I figured if it was bad, I could just roast in jeans until it wears off. Well, it's a good thing I did only my legs. Kinda. My legs actually look ok, just one barely noticeable streak and I'm really not a bad shade of orange but my feet on the other hand... well, I can't even bare to speak of them. I truly thought I was "using sparingly" around the foot area, just as the direction stated. Obviously I was being a little more generous than I had hoped to be. I have Oompha Loompha Feet. More embarrassing than my white legs that started this whole mess.

It's only fair to warn the world that when the Claritin wears off of this orange footed beast at sundown, she is not a pretty sight.

I spent most of today with my sister. We played old CD's on the stereo and blasted it as loud as it could go and danced around the house singing at the top of our lungs. It was so refreshing. I love to blast the radio and I can't do it in MASS cause we're in that apartment and it just wouldn't be very courteous of me. I'll quit picking on the allergies and blame my sore throat tonight on all that loud singing I did today. Really, it was so fun. We played old CD's, so old that we forgot some of the words and would crack up laughing when one would start singing the wrong verse or something. We were singing so loud that we could even pretend to cover it up if we made a mistake. And the memories that the old songs themselves brought back were great!
Then we sat down to watch TV and FRIENDS re-runs were on. Today they aired the finale, it was the very first time I had seen the re-run of the finale episode since it aired that dreaded night and guess what, I cried again. Yep, bawled like a baby as they lay their keys on the counter at Monica's apartment. Am a dork. GAWD, I miss that show! Thursday nights just aren't the same.

Hmmm, what other insignificant things can I tell you about myself? I'm feeling obligated to give you a post with depth since I haven't posted in a few days. Let's see....er......I got nothing...at least nothing that I can turn into somewhat of an interesting tale...at least not tonight...I feel my eye swelling up again...and I just sneezed on my sister's keyboard, that's just gross...I think I'll go to bed now.

Career Woman and I have a date tomorrow, we will be having dinner and then perhaps out for a rockin' good time. I'm sure we will have stories to tell, for where there is A Career Woman and A Housewife, there is DRAMA. And fun. And alcohol. And laughter. And music. And booty shakin'. And food. And people we love. And people we hate. And people that don't know us but try to talk to us. And people that do know us and we try not to talk to them. And more fun. And more laughter. And most likely more food. And more alcohol. And then some blogging.

Stay tuned.

-Housewife

Maybe They're Dieting?

2005-05-12T10:42:00.000-07:00

Bitches and Asses want to get snippy with me! With me! They are barking up the wrong tree right now. As you have probably guessed it, this post deals with my school and it's assmunches of professors and administrators. I had class last night... until 10:10 p.m. Yes, classes do go that late. In hell. Therefore, I ran into one of the directors (a.k.a. Roly Poly) that I had the meeting with on Monday concerning the Bug-Eyed Bitch who gave me a B. (Again, I do not deserve, NOR accept, a B). I stopped him in the hallway and said:

Me: Dr. Blah, have you had a chance to speak to her?
Roly Poly: To who?
Me: (attempting to keep my cool) To Dr. Bug-Eyed (I did say the real name).
Roly Poly: I haven't been here since Monday.
Me: Okay...so that means?
Roly Poly: I have not had an opportunity to speak with her.
Me: (try not to kill him) Okay. (note to self: he must not have a phone at home or in other office - why would they work after hours)

Throughout this process, I have attempted to ground myself via relaxation techniques through deep-breathing, blogging, and m-fing. I feel as though I have done a good job in keeping my cool and not overreacting, in order to not brink "un-professionalism" towards all faculty, but let me tell you, those bitches are walking a fine line with me right now.

After the meeting on Monday, I emailed the the bug-eyed bitch addressing her on each accusation that she threw at me indirectly. Basically, I ripped her a new asshole in the email - that of which I was not embarrassed of, because I forwarded copies of the email to both (two-ton tessie and roly poly) so they knew that I have attempted to set up a meeting with her, on behalf of their request. I was under the impression that these people would actually do their job, as promised and contact the bug-eyed bitch within the next couple of days, rather than the next year. Apparently, I was wrong.

I get to work this morning (to start my to-do list for this wonderful Thursday) and I have two emails from Roly Poly. He was spittin' me some at-ti-tude. That of which, I did NOT appreciate, oh and I let him know. Here is what his email stated (please keep in mind that this email is being sent from the director of the program at my university, this is his job to take care of these matters):

Career Woman,
Dr. Two-Ton Tessie and I explicitly (explicitly was spelled wrong, fyi) told you not to contact the bug-eyed bitch until we had a chance to. I am very upset (and hungry) that you have gone again (apparently I had to decipher that he met "against") our counsel. I feel as though you are not creating solutions to your problems, rather, you are adding to them. (Can someone please tell me how you find a solution to a problem but not doing a damn thing, but sitting on your fat ass all day pretending that you care about your student's educations and eating...something?) Please do not send us any more emails (but we will accept pizzas, sandwiches, ho-hos, and pies and an occasionally milkshake if you will) until we have a chance to contact her. Yours is not the only problem that we are dealing with. (I have to stop typing because I am hungry and feel as though I may just eat the keyboard).

Ok. Ok. Ok. Is he aware that I have spent possibly more money than the other students with "problems" at his assine university?! I deserve for my problem to be addressed in a timely, efficent manner. I have been dealing with this issue for three weeks now, is that not long enough! I responded to his email... I sure did. I was nice, but I was direct. I informed him of what they had told me and that it was their advice to meet with her first prior to any other actions. I attempted. She didn't respond and it is obvious that soon, I am going to have their asses on a platter - I will feed it to my dog and she will more than likely puke them up! So now, I need your advice, do I:
1. Just wait it out and see how long it takes for someone to get back to me?
2. Totally annoy them because it IS their job to handle and deal with our problems?
3. Go straight to the department of education and reem him a new asshole of having absolute degenerates working to better the future leaders?
-Career Woman

OhMyGawdIAmSoExcitedMyHousewifeIsHome

2005-05-11T08:52:00.000-07:00

Gah!!!!!!!!!!! Housewife came home to surprise me. After I was super duper mad at her last night because she did not answer her phone, nor did she call me back when I left her a nasty message concerning missing our telephone viewing of American Idol last night, she is forgiven. She missed our show, just to surprise me and now she's in N.C. Which may also attribute to her lack of posting for all her devoted fans out there! But she's home with my children, oops, I mean her children, that I pretend are mine when we go somewhere (Like when someone says "how beautiful she is," and I say "Thank you," because one of them are obviously in my arms because I steal them). However, go figure I have to spend the next two days and nights at work and stupid Duquesne until 10 p.m., but I will devour her and her children at the earliest possible moment on friday evening after work! Love her. Love her. Love her. And good but sad news, that she left hers AND my Big Daddy at home, and although I miss a Big Daddy so, I do get her and the chitlin's selfishly to myself. Pumpkinface will also eat the littlest Sophia because he loves her so and she adores him. Can you tell the excitement in my typing?!

In other news, totally left work at 3:00 due to someone reporting a bomb in the courthouse yesterday. Yep. I said a "bomb." Fun times, right? No, because they require us to evacuate the building but we are not allowed to actually leave the premises until the president judge and all department heads clear us. Need I mind you that we only stand outside the building in the scorching heat? Therefore, if there is truly a bomb, we WILL blow up as well, or get like our heads taken off due to the debris. So after standing outside for a half an hour, and trying to get our faces in the news cameras (well...I was), they let us go.... which meant that my to-do list yesterday started way early! Utter excitement, I know! (P.S. I bought the new Almay eye shadow line that you purchase on the basis of your eye color and it's supposed to accentuate, such as in my case, the blue eyes...it's wonderful, I look like the ocean that I will vist next July. Love ya Almay).

Ok. Ok. Ok. American Idol. Let me mind you that if Simon Cowell was in the hour vicinity of my humble home, I would drive to his house and tear up his little boy shirt and spit on his face. If he ever talks to Carrie Underwood in such a manner, I will do you know what with is "member," and make him wish that he never said another nasty word in all his life. And what is up with Ryan Seacrest referring to Scott as "the body." Can you say beached whale, who hits women? Although I would still love for Anthony Federfoo to cover his hole in his neck, I thought he rocked the house last night! What'd ya'll think?
-Career Woman

(p.s. i think that I wore the same shirt I have on today last week, is that bad? can't you see I am tired?).

To-Do List

2005-05-10T14:20:00.000-07:00

I am a very oriented, detailed, particular person. Therefore, it is of absolute necessity that I keep myself organized. I do so by creating lists, and I create copies of the same list for each aspect of my day. I mark my planner for out of work, school related issues. I use my wall calendar for birthdays and my desk calendar for it all - school related, appointment related, wedding related, and "other" related. I have taken it in liberty to create a combined detailed to-do list just for today/evening so you all can laugh and joke at my obsessive compulsiveness, as well as witty and fun-ness. I am a rotten good time and I am going to prove it.
1. Wake up at 7:00 a.m. to shower - Please shower Morgan because for surely you have perspirated throughout your truding at the assine university you attend for 5.5 hours an evening. Also, Pumpkinface's Pops likes to not use air conditioner so you tend to sweat to death when you sleep over. Note to self: Sleep at home.
2. Get dressed and ready in a quickie so you can go to Dunkin' Donuts for your tradtional peanut butter plain toasted bagel - it's scrumptious - contemplate on adding "join the gym" to your to-do list for the day, all this peanut butter is bringin' back your ass-back.
3. Arrive at work approximately 10 minutes late and check email - it will be obvious that the bug-eyed professor has not emailed you back, do. not. have. a. hissy.
4. Read own blog - Laugh at yourself because you are funny, boost your spirits and don't let anonymous assholes get you down, p.s. you are pretty.
5. Go through the list of blog obsessions, read, laugh, and comment - I wish these people were my real, physical, spacial-being friends, we'd have a rockin' good time on a night out on the town.
6. Begin doing actual work at 9:30 a.m. - Hopefully you have finished your bagel by now, tankass.
7. Book tanning appointment at 10:00 a.m. - Of course you will not get in, because there are newly-obsessive prom-goers who feel the need to take your traditional 4 or 4:30 appointment. Note to self - find who they are and write them an open letter, possibly kick their ass.
8. 10:05 Obsessively blog and check each half hour throughout the day to see if someone has posted a comment. - if not, contemplate quitting the blog world...hahahahahaha funny joke, unless they develop some time of chewing gum for this addiction.
9. 12:00 - Lunch with Pumpkinface - for surely eat off his face because he is so damn cute, nibble, nibble, nibble.
10. 1:15 - Hate life when Pumpkinface goes to work - that's okay, he's bringing in the money honey!
11. Quit working at 1:45 and obsessively check blogs and posts until actual quitting time at 4:00 p.m. - be sure to minimize blog each time a new person walks into office... do not get fired, you will be poor.
12. 4:30 - Pick up brochures at travel agency regarding our honeymoon - truly giggle like a fool at the thought of a honeymoon and your wedding, love the travel agent, she will get us an amazing deal!
13. 5:00 - Tan - You are so pastey white, thank the good Lord that you have finally managed an appointment. Please do not forget to schedule and find those new people who have taken your 4 or 4:30 and refer to #7 on to-do list.
14. 5:30 - Eat dinner with my momma and pappa, and cutest little brother, and bitchy little sister - Pull sister's hair out of her head, know ahead of time that she will have something of yours on and then rip it off her body and stomped on her face.
15. 6:00 - Meet with Bridal Shower site with momma and develop a menu and pay a deposit - haha, you don't pay silly, mommy pays, you get to do the fun part - eat!
16. After bridal shower meeting, please purchase new folders (color-coded) with new tablets for new classes at assine university. -Pick purple and blue, you like purple and blue.
17. American Idol 8:00, phone Housewife, discuss and critique each performance - note to self: remind Paula not to sleep with anymore of them, oh and, please remind Carrie Underwood to stop calling and asking for hair and make-up advice, does she not know that I am busy?... oh well.. anything for you Carrie!
18. 9:00 talk to Housewife and future mother-in-law regarding tonight's show - attempt to vote, then quit after two tries - you never get in there.
19. Lay in bed, miss your Pumpkinface, and know that he will be home soon!
20. Get up and do the SAME DAMN THINGS! Wellll...kinda!
-Career Woman

Meeting Time

2005-05-10T09:53:00.000-07:00

Dum. Dum. Dum. We had the meeting and it didn't start off very well. Our meeting was scheduled for 4:20 so that we had enough time to take care of what was needed taken care of before I had to go to my class at 5:00. I arrived at 4:17 p.m. and the two "waste of educators," were in the hallway chit-chatting. They said "Oh, you're early." Um isn't it like professional and shit to be a little early for a meeting, meanwhile her "early" meant that I was three minutes early. So, needless to say, Ms. Two-Ton Tessie already had pissed me off and we hadn't even touched the topic at hand. So they had asked me to have a seat, and I sat in the hall until 4:35. Um, someone's late. They finally call me back into the office and I am verbally attacked ya'll. I begin with saying that at this stage in the game, I have become quite fond of Two Ton Tessie and not so fond of Roly Poly.

When we began our meeting, Roly Poly started out by saying something along the lines of "I'm hungry," oops. No, wait. That was another conversation. Hehe. He began to read off the written statement that Dr. Bug Eyed provided them concerning my "unprofessional manner in the classroom." Apparently, we were all wrong when we thought that this meeting was only regarding my absences, instead, it was regarding my attitude in class. That bug-eyed bitch stated that I: 1. rolled my eyes at other students when they were giving presentations, 2. laughed and joked around during class, and 3. I talked to my friends while others were presenting. LIES. ALLLLLL LIES. ExCUSE me, but am I not an adult? Have I not been in college for the last 7 years, shouldn't that tell someone something about my professionalism and my demeanor as an adult? Apparently not. The bitch lied.

I did as I promised though, ya'll should be proud of me. I did rip those mother-f-ers new assholes. Yup. Sure did. (But I liked my shoes yesterday way too much to stick them up their asses). That roly poly fat mother-f-er accused me of being the liar and her as being "very professional." I told him "professional my ass." The woman lied, and then the repressed lawyer came out in me and I used the terms such as "false accusations, defamation of character, and professional duties." For everything they had to say that she reported on her trusty, handy little student evaluation, I came right back at 'em. Their heads were spinning. At the end of the conversation they were bowing towards me. Hoping that they can do something to change my grade and saying that they will "keep in contact." It was of their advice that I write her a letter...... :) so you know what that means, I sent her a decent email, but a non-decent open letter to the bug-eyed, lying, mother f-ing, no good, dirty rotten, son-of-a-bitch will be coming in the next few hours. And just so that we are all not confused, my grade has not been changed yet... but IT WILL.
-Career Woman who don't take no shit from nobody

Mother Bleep, Jackbleep, Son-of-a-no-good Bleep Bleeper

2005-05-09T09:47:00.000-07:00

That BITCH gave me a B. That is right, I said a B. I will now, from this day forward, make her life, the living, breathing, uncontrollable hell that she deserves. I have not had a B in. my. life. And I will NOT except a B in a class entitled Counseling in the elementary school. That is right again, I said "ele-men-ta-ry school." Wait until I go down for that meeting this evening; I will rip her, as well as all of the department offices a new asshole that they will shit for days, and they will shit out my high-heeled stiletto and pray for mercy at each squirt. A FREAKIN' B. There is just no way in hell I deserve a B.
-Career Woman who will not accept a mother-f-in B

Look forward to an update tomorrow morning!

Happy Mother's Day

2005-05-08T23:40:00.000-07:00

This is the very first Mother's Day that I spent without my own Mom. But not to worry, there was much over-the-phone guilt poured on by both parties as to why one didn't come visit the other, that I felt as if I were home, right next to her.

My day started with Big Daddy bathing the girls and getting them ready for me and then we went into Boston for what was supposed to be a day of shopping at Copley Square. Once again the weather literally rained on my parade and it was way too cold and miserable to walk around downtown. We went out to eat for lunch and came home. Big Daddy cooked us a big dinner and it was yummy...I think I'll keep him a round another year :)

Also I got two of the most beautiful home-made Mother's Day cards from the girls. Hallmark, you can eat your heart out. And a bouquet of fresh Daisies that the girls picked out themselves.

All in all, it was a good day...I do wish I could have spent it home with my mommy, I guess I can't have it all..................... but this sure is close enough........................

-Housewife

Ex-Lushes and An Open Letter

2005-05-06T09:40:00.000-07:00

First off, Pumpkinface and I are NOT lushes. With his work schedule and our need for money to purchase a house and like live and stuff does not permit for the lavish, party life we used to live. Therefore, both albums (my 23rd birthday and New Year's Eve), are probably the only two times this year that we have gotten biggity-bombed. Granted my birthday is coming up next month so that should be more drunken poses and pictures for you to make fun of, however, we are again, not alcoholics. (Housewife, is it possible for you to find a non-drunken, adult-like photo of us.... haha, probably not).

Now, an open letter to the directors of the counselor ed program at Duquesne University:

Ah-ha, You have called back. Lovely. First off, I would just like to say that you annoy me and piss me off all at the same time. It has only taken exactly one week for you to call me back with no information nor explanation for why in the hell I have to drive two hours to meet with you concerning the bug-eyed professor who has made it her lifetime goal to ruin my life. Brillant.

First off, miss two-ton tessie and mr. roly poly "spit on my face when you talk to me" jackass, how many times is it necessary that I remind you, I DO NOT LIVE IN PITTSBURGH. I know that I border insanity for traveling two hours a day to your education-less university, but again, I do not live there. Do not EVER leave me another message stating that it is 6:00 p.m. and you will be in the office until 7:15 p.m. and I can just "stop by. I know you are not a doctor of math, but I think that subtraction is something learned in what, 2nd grade, therefore, please einstein, realize that that time slot will not work for me. Are we clear?

Secondly, if you offer to set up one more appointment with me and not explain the reason for said appointment, I will take the planner that I had to write our "appointment" down on and not-so-gently shove it up your two-ton tessie and roly poly "spit on my face" jackass rearends, and I will do this sideways and insert it with a big f-ing stick. I explained to you A-GAIN, that I do not like not having my concerns addressed promptly. Let me remind you of your job again as counselors. You are supposed to guide students and provide them with a solid foundation in working with others, especially those in need. Is it not obvious that I am in "need" of your guidance? Apparently, it is not.

Thirdly, in our first conversation, a week ago, you mentioned that the bug-eyed bitch had an issue in "evaluating me," again, for some un-gawdly known reason you were not able to inform me why. I asked you twice in a round-about way the reasoning for my inconvient trip down there and it is apparent that with you, I am not able to beat around the damn bush. So I said: Can you please tell me what her concerns are with me, because if I had not contacted you myself addressing my concerns previously, I would not know why we are having this meeting. Now fellow-blogger-readers, is that statement so hard to understand? Or should I have put it in their terms: Dr. Two-Ton Tessie and Roly Poly "Spit in my face when you talk to me" Jackass, I will feed you 10 Sausage McMuffins, 10 Hashbrowns, a bag of doritos, and a crumbcake if you tell me why this professor has a problem with me? Should that work better?

Something must have finally made you understand my question and you answered it, sort of. You said that it is concerning my "classroom presence." WTF is that about?!?!?! What was wrong with my classroom presence, therefore it is not my attendance, but apparently my demeanor? Listen people, you want a bitch, I will give you a bitch!

To inform you ahead of time, regarding a little meeting, I will not accept a grade lower than an A in a class called "Counseling in the Elementary School." If I can manage an A in Statistics of Behavioral Research, I sure as fuck, can handle an A in this piss-poor excuse for a foundation of continued learning. I can only hope and pray for your university in knowing that you possibly had a video camera or tape recorder to view my "classroom presence," so I can sue your fat-crumbcake-ass for defamation of character. And do not think that I won't....remember I work for the District Attorney, who is my neighbor, who wants to buy my grandmother's house. Looks like someone would be on my side, now doesn't it.

Therefore, I will meet you on Monday evening before my class. I will address my concerns and will spin your head around if I receive a lower grade than an A in any of the asshat course I was enrolled in Spring Semester. This is fair warning...do NOT f$#k with me! Have a Wonderful Day!

Career Woman

Friends

2005-05-05T13:01:00.000-07:00

Although funny, when I read the American Idol post, I get become sad and a little nostalgic for the good ole days when Career Woman and I could watch TV and make fun of people side by side rather than through long distance phone calls. Normally we would be shoulder to shoulder on the floor devouring bags of cheddar pretzels, spicy nacho doritos, grapes (the green kind) and guzzling pepsi. We would jump up at every commercial to stick an old CD in the stereo and dance away to old Danceline routines and then plop back down in front of the TV just in time to make each other laugh by saying cruel and witty things about the next crooner on the stage, sometimes laughing 'til our stomachs hurt or even bellowing out the songs ourselves convincing one another that we sound way better than Kelly Clarkson herself.

Aahhhhh. Nothings better than spending time with your friends, your true friends, not the new ones that you just met through college or a new job (or at a playgroup - this only applies to small few of us here)...no...I'm talking about the friends you had your whole life, the friends that know everything about you but still like you anyway, the friends that grew up in the same hometown, the friends that know your family, the friends that you can be yourself around.

I know a lot of you are leaving college and headed home for the summer. Others may be using vacation leave at work to go back to your hometown to visit Mom and Dad this summer. Some may still live "back home" but just don't get see their close friends because they don't live there anymore. Maybe a lucky few still live close to their true friends but just can't find the time to get together.

Whatever your situation is, this is a reminder to keep and touch and stay close with the people you call your true friends. I think it's the best therapy for those "down in the dumps"days. Even if it's just a quick phone call to say "HI", it's amazing how much better it can make you feel. It's almost as if for a split second your brought back to that time when you had no responsibility and everything was a reason to laugh.

IN CASE THAT WASN'T OBVIOUS ENOUGH.......I MISS MY FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!!!

So, the rest of you have to suffer with me and get a lecture, just for good measure.

I've added some pictures that make me laugh and I'll be adding more as I get time so come back and check now and then....
ATL 2004
Alissa's Wedding
Morgan's 23rd B-day
FRIENDS finale
Lunch at Edward's
New Years 2005

My Grandma Gloria's best friend, Margret, passed away a few years ago, they were friends since high school, they never lost touch, their husbands became friends, their children went to the same school and most of them became friends, they never missed a saturday night of playing cards, they even took summer vacations with one another after their children were grown. We never had a family picnic without Margret's family there and wouldn't have been the same if they weren't. I attended Margret's funeral. As I went down the line of Margret's family, everyone of them took the time to tell me how grateful they were for my grandmother and at the end of the line stood Grandma Gloria, obviously worn and completely cried out and I hugged her and told her how sorry I was...and do you know what my Grandma said to me "Nikki, don't be sorry, I am the luckiest person in the world, I had a best friend for over 60 years, if you could keep your friends that long, there is nothing to ever be sorry about." ~Housewife

American Idol Announces 2 NEW Judges

2005-05-04T08:35:00.000-07:00

Let's put our hands together for the two, newest, greatest, most beautiest judges in the world... A Career Woman and a Houswife...

(In reference to Scott Savol's performance)
CW: I hate his fat fingers and he keeps showing them.
HW: I hate his fat cheeks, I want to bite them off.
CW: No Nik, that's what you say to babies
HW: But I am going to barf them on his face...I wouldn't do that to a baby.
CW: I think I have a crush on Carrie because there are no cute boys on this show. We should make a post about this... Get a pen.
HW: I can't, Sophia's on my lap.
CW: Fuck the baby, just let ME do everything for this blog, although people think I should just give it to you.
Disclaimer: A Career Woman and a Houswife are in no way, shape, or form prejudice towards fat people or babies.

(In reference to Vonzell's performace)
CW: Vonzell's family are full of Starkysha's with no teefers... do you know what I mean? They are all fat with apple bottoms.
Disclaimer: A Career Woman and a Houswife are again, in no way, shape, or form prejudice towards fat people or African-Americans.

(In reference to Bo Bice's costume)
CW: Is this an indian reservation or American Idol? Come on Bo.
HW: Bo's beard looks like pubic hair...it's not even filled in the whole way... Oh well, Carrie's gonna rock the house!
Disclaimer: A Career Woman and Housewife are in no way, shape, or form prejudice towards indians or those who like to wear pubic hair on their face.

(In reference to Carrie Underwood's performance)
HW: Carrie reminds me of, AWE SHIT, she just peed on me.
CW: Okay change your pants and I will call you when Carrie is done...
HW: She sang my Rascal Flatts, she stole my heart.
CW: Maybe that should be Carrie and I's song for our lesbian love affair.
Disclaimer: A Career Woman and a Housewife are in now way, shape or from prejudice towards gays or incontinence.

A Career Woman and a Houswife's Predictions for American Idol... Wednesday night, see ya later Anthony Federfoooo. Next Week, Scott "I beat girls" Savol is outtie. The week after next, Vonzell "my family has apple bottoms" Solomon...And the final 2: Bo "I grow pubic hairs on my face" Bice and the winner of American Idol 2005, Miss Carrie "Everything about me is perfect, especially my teeth" Underwood!

Thank you, we will be here allll week. What's your predictions?
-Career Woman and Housewife

My Superbness Needs Your Advice

2005-05-03T13:44:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer: There is a new post following this one... for some reason I feel the need to say that, because Housewife and I tend to post at the same time, and if I do not issue a disclaimer, I feel as though none of you will respond or read about her "digdog" and Big Daddy's bunny fetish.

Anyways, today has been productive. Productive enough that I am lounging in my desk chair, shoes off, indian style, planning a honeymoon and I have booked my bridal shower. That is right people, my wedding isn't for a whole year and two months, but it is booked. The travel agency did however laugh at me when I inquired about all-inclusive resorts, however, did not poke fun when they knew it was possible for me to book a cruise as we spoke! So, Pumpkinface and I are going to retrieve some paper work and brochures concerning possible honeymoon destinations and off we go!

As for Duquesne, they still are the only catholic university that does in fact, worship satan, little nicky, the damn dog, etc... I am sick, s.i.c.k. of them! No phone call. No email. No written letter. (Well on the written letter note, I should know better, I will receive that on a saturday so that no one is in the office to hear me bitch, moan, and curse at all personnel because they are all off enjoying their weekends while I bask in my misery and discontentment). Anywho, they are major c#@k suckers (sorry pops) whom I think I hate more than anonymous commenters! Wow...that's bad.

I have realized that I need to come up with something else to post about other than that damn school. However, nothing seems to be more interesting to our loyal readers than my eye-lashing towards all faculty. So this will have to do until then. I am taking advice until then. Should I, a) call the department office again and leave a shitty message, b) phone the head of the school of education and inform them of the imbosoles they hired in their department, c) write them another "open letter" via A Career Woman and a Housewife's Blog (for all of our enjoyment) or d) quit bitchin' and then sue? It's up to you... do you want humor or quietness? Oh, and before I forget, I will surely get hate mail for this.... so in the words of Housewife, bring it on bitches!
-Career Woman

The Bunny Fetish

2005-05-03T12:53:00.000-07:00

Well, it seems as though I've sparked some interest by mentioning The Bunny Fetish so I'll explain...............................................

First you'll need to meet Romeo.
'
Romeo is my little MinPin, my baby boy, my first child.

When we moved here to MASS, we could not find an apartment that allowed dogs. So my Mom and Dad took our little Digdog to live with them. Oh and I should explain the name...Of course his name is Romeo but over time we called him The Rome Diggity Dog, later shortened to Digdog.
(Also funny story while I'm thinking of it. One day Digdog got loose and ran away and my Mom wondered around the neighborhood (aka The Borough) for hours screaming "Romeo, Romeo, where are you Romeo!" Hehehe I bet all the neighbors thought she was a looneytoon. LOL. But the Digdog was found and all was good.)
Moving on.......
So we moved to Mass without our Digdog. This made and still makes all of us very sad, he IS part of our family. Myself and the girls are coping with it rather well, Big Daddy on the other hand, well...let's just say he needs something to fill the void...hence, The Bunny Fetish.

Ok, so the apartment that we moved into allows just about everything but a dog, they allow cats, fish, birds, just about anything that can be caged like rodents and lizards and hermit crabs, anything but a dog.

So Big Daddy decides that we need a pet. Big Daddy also decides that it needs to a bunny.

Now, I believe this is because I absolutely skeeve cats and refuse to have one. I also believe this is because Big Daddy hears the stories of my bunny, Babs, that my family had when I was younger. Babs, was given to us by my great uncle when he started getting sick and couldn't take care of her anymore. My uncle was widowed for almost 10 years before he died and he had Babs. He litter trained Babs. Yes, Babs was litter trained much like a cat. She would roam our house and greet company and poo in a litter box. I believe that there will never be another bunny like Babs ever again in the whole world because no one will ever have the time and patience and any idea how to litter train a rabbit ever again.

What Big Daddy also does not realize, is that Housewife is a very busy lady. She does not have time for a pet, a new pet, of any sort, that needs to be trained. When we move and hopefully get the Digdog back, that will be OK, because he is trained. Also if we get a bunny, I do not think Digdog will take very well to it.

Again, Big Daddy does not care...he wants a bunny. He spends his time at home calling pet shops to see if they have lop eared bunnies, if they do we go see them. He stops a this bunny farm to and from work to play with the bunnies. He giggles like a school girl when we sees bunnies. He has brained washed Isabella into wanting a bunny. They both give me the puppy eyes when we are standing at the pet store or at the bunny farm without saying a word I can see their eye screaming "Please Mommy, Please Mommy, can we take it home?"

And although it sounds nice and it would be fun to have a bunny hopping around, I know as wise woman that the novelty will wear off. And Housewife will have a stinky, non-litter trained bunny to care for when every one else has no interest in it anymore.

I promised Big Daddy, that if we buy a HOUSE in VA, when we move there next, MAYBE I'd seriously think about the bunny, because if it doesn't work out at least I'd have a yard to put the bunny in. Outside. In a cage. Where people can go OUTSIDE to see the bunny. And it won't stink my house up.

In the mean time, I will put up with Big Daddy and his little rendezvous with the bunnies at the bunny farm.

-Housewife

The Fun Never Ends!

2005-05-02T11:51:00.000-07:00

Okay... deep breath Morgan, breathe, just breathe. I am going to flip someone's head around if they do not fix one of the life-altering major discrepancies at this piss-poor, lack of any intelligence, asshat university. I began my Monday at work by checking the web"advisor," that informs us of our grades, as well as our class schedule for each upcoming semester in which we have registered. The f-in thing, still has not added the two classes I need for graduation that I took care of via the "waste of an educator" director of the program. He had informed me that "everything was taken care of," when in fact, he is as well a liar, because, you guessed it, it is NOT taken care of.

I phoned the department office this morning for a little inquiry. I asked them if web"advisor" (mind you I put this in quotation marks, because it DOES NOT advise), was up-to-date, persay, and an accurate record of our educational standing. Apparently, it is, and they are not. The department office connected me to the "waste of space" graduate office whom apparently is responsible for my scheduling. They said "Nope, you are not scheduled for those classes, let me look into this." Their brainiac of an answer was "those courses are closed." Ummmm.....NO MOTHER-FREAKIN-SHIT! I had to get signed into the courses by the "waste of an educator" director of the program because the classes were filled, so he signed me in, and apparently did not "take care of everything!" The office informed me that they needed written confirmation from him to put me in the class, it is apparent that this moron did not do as he was supposed to! Surprise, surprise! So, they asked me to call back later and see if they could find it on his desk. I mean, are they seriously searching his desk for a piece of paper after my confirmation that he did in fact sign me into the courses that I needed for graduation? Honestly? Someone please tell me the truth and let this not be the truth.

In my increasing age, I have begun to realize that people are dumb. I mean, seriously, seriously dumb. And these are people who make thousands upon thousands of dollars and are so freakin' dumb they can't even do their own job. So now, it is apparent that I am going to have to waste my Monday of blog reading, mother's day shopping, and uh, er work to fight with these multi-millionaires who couldn't do their own job if it consisted of wiping their own ass.
-Career Woman

You Guessed It, Family Fun Sunday.

2005-05-02T08:12:00.000-07:00

This week, Family Fun Day brought us HERE in Nashua, New Hampshire.

Now I know, I know!

Some of you are thinking.........

Housewife, what were you thinking?

Some of you are thinking.........

You hypocrite, this goes against everything you've taught us!

Some of you are thinking........

Shut up, we don't care about your Family Fun Days!

Well, give me a chance to explain.

I had this fabulous day planned for Sunday. It included sun shine, canoes, appleblossoms, a history museum, maple harvest and buffalo.

It all started to go wrong when I woke up Sunday and there was no SUN! So I decided that we could cut the canoes and still have a looksee at the appleblossoms. No appleblossoms. Too early. Well who wants to walk around the museum, if we can't actually see the things we are learning about? No museum. It was raining like a MoFo surely no one would stand in the rain to harvest maple and wet buffalo just can't be pretty.

So this left me with only one choice.

FUN WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

First I'd like to say......it is SOOOOOO much better than Chuck E. Cheese's! This place has 3 floors, well behaved children and amusement park rides....ALL INSIDE!

But.....feel better knowing, all of you "Housewife-Brain-Washed-Anti-Chuck-E. -Cheese's- Groupies", that it backfired in my face.

Bella was a word no mother should have to call her daughter short of her teenage years.

Sophia was the most obnoxious, temper-tantrum throwing little worm that you ever wanted to see.

Big Daddy does not react well to this kind of behavior so let's just say that we was not pleasant company.

This left Housewife in a "let's just go home, this day is starting to suck, I want my mommy" kind of mood. And did not pull out my camera at all. Not even just once. Yeah, it was that bad.

So $20 dollars in tokens and 4 miserable people later, we were riding home with a slinky, a magic wire beaded thing, 2 plastic bird whistles and 2 packs of smarties. That's what 422 tickets will get you these days.

Oh, but not without stopping at the pet store so Big Daddy could satisfy his "LOP EARED BUNNY" fetish. Have I told you about this? NO? Well maybe some other day. Which reminds me that I forgot to mention that we stopped at a Bunny Farm "on the way (20 miles in the opposite direction)" to Nashua so that Big Daddy could show Bella the Bunnies that he stops to see EVERYDAY on his way to work. MMMhmmm. This is an issue only a concerned wife can handle properly. Hopefully.

So we were back home by 3 ish....so so early for a Family Fun Sunday. So I made homemade sauce and raviolli's and this made everyone feels a lot better. I was a hero!

I know that most of you think that this day was a dud. And although it wasn't the fun and perfect day that we usually have. And I am blaming this on the weather. It was still Family Day and that's all that matters to me, it's just a reminder that I have a very REAL family. That I do expect to be back into shape by next Sunday....after all it IS Mother's Day!
-Housewife

Things That Annoy Me

2005-04-29T11:50:00.000-07:00

1. First and foremost, I am annoyed that I am forced to write about something so dull and negative like Things That Annoy Me. PLEASE GOD, LET SOMETHING NEW, FUN AND EXCITING HAPPEN TO ME SO I CAN WRITE A POST WORTHY OF READING!

2. I am annoyed that Huggies Pull-ups come in a package of 29....twenty-nine.....WHY? It's packaged in air-tight plastic, surely they could have put one more stinkin' pull-up in there to make an even 30. I'm writing them a letter!

3. I am annoyed by fast food restaurants that do not have drive-throughs. HELLO fast food restaurant, if I am eating fast food, chances are I am in a HURRY. My ass does not have time to park my car, unload my kids, go inside, stand in line, order my food, wait for my food, pour my own drinks, juggle the exit door with my food and my kids in hand, find my car keys while walking through a busy parking lot (again while holding small hands and my food), unlock my door and get the food in the car with out spilling drinks on my seats, and then load the kids up again. GET A DAMN DRIVE-THROUGH!

3. I am annoyed by DVDs that do not allow you to skip or fast forward through FBI Warnings and Previews. Need I say more.

4. I am annoyed by unknown callers on my caller ID, I can accept private numbers, I can accept blocked numbers, but I do not pay you, Phone Company, to tell me UNKNOWN when my phone rings. This is defeating the purpose of Caller ID!

5. I am annoyed by drastic weather changes. I grew up learning there were 4 seasons: Spring, Summer, Fall and Winter. Lately we have been experiencing, Spring, Winter, Summer, Winter, Fall, Winter, Winter, Summer, Winter. Let's get with the program here!

6. I am annoyed by Breaking News about the Red Sox. When I sit down at 1:00 to watch my show, I expect to see my show. This is the one hour of salvation I get in my day. It is one hour that I can rejoice in guilty pleasure and usually get my children to settle down while they eat. When I sit on my couch at 1:00 I want to see Days of Our Lives, Channel 7 News, not the MF'n RED SOX! Save it for ESPN, if I want to hear about sports, I'll put on ESPN. And please tell me what can possibly be so important about the Red Sox, that you have to interrupt a regularly scheduled program with your big ole' Breaking NEWS music and then talk about a damn baseball team for 20 minutes. Unless the Red Sox have an evil plan to blow up the city of Boston, I don't want to hear about, K. It's NOT Breaking NEWS.

7. I am annoyed that it is near impossible to have pretty nails and children under the age of 4 at the same time. If I could go 1 day without breaking or snagging a nail and not chipping NO-CHIP nail polish, I would not have to be so annoyed. Therefore, I am annoyed by the NO-CHIP nail polish that chips!

8. I am annoyed by the big bag of greasy patato chips sitting in my cupboard, calling my name.

9. I am annoyed by dumb people who assume that I am an unintelligent low-life because I am a stay-at-home mom. Well, here's some Breaking NEWS for Channels 7 to air during my soap opera, just because I chose to stay home and raise my own flesh and blood and not give away half of my pay from some high end corporate job to a daycare where some complete stranger gets to see my children learn and grow everyday. And if you ask me it's the women that sit behind a desk, kissing peoples asses all day when they should be home caring for their children that are probably starving for their mother's attention, that are the frickin' low-lives. Don't look down on me, bitch. Do something that really matters in life, raise your damn kids instead of answering phones and crunching numbers for some company that can give a fuck about you.

10. I am also annoyed that I can't think of a 10th thing that annoys me and I don't want to have a list of 9 things, cause if I did, than I'd be no better than the dumb asses at Huggies that put only 29 Pull-ups in a package.

Tell me what annoys you.
(huh, that was just asking for an anonymous commenter to tell me that I annoy them, bring it on!)

-Housewife

An Open Letter to the Bug-Eyed Bitch

2005-04-28T10:29:00.000-07:00

Dear "My eyes are big, round bugs and I say that I am a counselor, but I am rather, a bitch who should never teach another day in my life"

You. Are. A. Bitch. and I hate you. I drove down to school last night to pick up the 6 million projects that you had us do throughout the semester and to eat with my girlfriends. I arrived home at approximately 7:30 p.m. to open my packet, and much to my surprise, calculated the grades on my project and have noticed that I am receiving my first B, EVER. I know that I am anal, and a perfectionist, and obsessive compulsive, but I deserve an A, dammit. I had some questions that I wanted to "politely" ask you bug-eyed, and I expected a "polite" response. I did not get one. You provided us with 8,000 numbers to get ahold of you so I used one, (your cell), and you answered, viola. You.Were.A.Bitch. and I hate you.

You pride yourself on being a doctor of counselor education, however, you appear to be a doctor of "how to make you eyes look like bugs and how to be a bitch." You were rude, un-professional, and demeaning. Hello, bug-eyed, I pay you, remember???? Anyways, I asked you the questions that I needed some clarification on - you were of no help. I asked you about final grades, I asked you about a score I recieved, and I asked for your help and, ya know, "guidance," get it. Isn't that your job? Ya know, to be a guidance counselor. You. Are. A. Shitty. Guidance. Counselor. Bitch. and I hate you.

For answers, you provided me with half-ass explanations and copped some freakin' attitude. You. Acted. Like. A. Bitch. and I hate you. And you made me cry. So I hung up on you, after sarcastically thanking you for your help. I called the director of the program next, to demean you and your teaching style in every way possible. But you already did so, didn't you? Because the director of the program, addressed me by saying that he and another "waste of an educator," were going to be contacting me after they got a hold of you. Um.... FOR WHAT?! It has become apparent that you are having a problem "evaluting me," but nobody wants to give me an explanation. Isn't that lovely counselor.

You see, something has become quite evident to me throughout all this, Dr. Bug Eye, you lied to me each time I phoned you regarding my absence from your sense-less, lesson-less, devoid-of-any-purpose-class. I called you once when I was sick. You excused my absence. I called you second time when my grandmother had a massive stroke. You excused my absence. And I called you a third time when my grandmother passed away. You excused my absence, and even sent you mother-f-in-lack-of-any-sentiment condolences. But you lied to me. Your half-assed, probably created by one of your elementary students who you tranquilized to come up with the syllabus with your bug-eyed radar, syllabus indicates that any UN-EXCUSED absence results in the loss of a letter grade. I, however, had all EXCUSED absences. You. Are. A. Lying. Bitch. and I hate you.

So, my question to you is, how can you not evaluate me? All my projects were turned in on time. You excused all of my absences. And you sent me your condolences. And your eyes look like big-round-bug-bulging-mother-f'in-blue-f$%^n-e-soccer balls. If I do not recieve an A, and this little discrepency is not taken care of in an efficent, attitude-free, manner, I will be forced to find you in your car (which I learned inhibited you from answering any of my questions, because the Lord knows that your mouth steers the damn car and pushes the f*&%$#^ peddle and brake), run it off the road, pull you out of it by your blonde-afro-puff, stomp on your face, pee in your mouth, take a big dooky on your forhead, and use my advocacy project billboard to scratch out your bug-eyed eye balls.

Thank you for your time you bitch, I hate you.
Career Woman

Housewife and Career Woman - Prettied Up!

2005-04-28T02:52:00.000-07:00

Housewife and Career Woman

This is us at Mirella's wedding in the 'burgh. Big Daddy and Pumpkinface were working, so we were each other's date. I believe that we make a wonderful, need I mind you - most gorgeous, pair!

Career Woman and Housewife

2005-04-28T02:50:00.000-07:00

Career Woman and Housewife

Here's us....again. Aren't you all thrilled that you are graced with our beauty for a third time? This was us, in a limo, heading out for Mirella's bachelorette party down in the 'burgh. This picture is pre-drunkeness, pre-fun, and pre-Career Woman's change to slighty red hair, don't worry ya'll, she's going back to blonde this weekend.

Chuck E. Cheese Update

2005-04-27T00:32:00.000-07:00

I got a phone call the other night from my dear friend Kpac4smiles. She wanted to tell me that she went to Chuck E. Cheese's and now fully understands the post I wrote about it.

Kristin...we would all appreciate a comment retelling your Chuck E. Cheese's experience, please!

The following night, Big Daddy and I were watching the NEWS and they were running this story about a Chuck E. Cheese's here in Boston. Apparently a young mother was waiting in line with her small child to get into the Chuck E. Cheese's Photo Booth. She was (understandably) annoyed that there were 3 teenaged girls sitting in the booth, talking. They were not getting their picture taken yet they had been sitting in the booth for over 15 minutes. The young mother politely asks the girls if she could get into the booth to have a picture taken with her daughter. The girls then brutally attacked the mother. Yep. Pulled her to the ground by her hair and began kicking her in the face and in the stomach. It became so violent that the police were called. Then backup. And before you know it, the restaurant was surrounded by SWAT teams...yes...SWAT teams.

Now, there were several birthday parties going on, not to mention all the other innocent children there. This occurred on Sunday and I do believe that Sunday is the busiest day at Chuck E. Cheese. The NEWS aired footage of the 3 teary-eyed girls being arraigned...they were 17, 18 and 19 years old. I'd like to think that girls of this age would have enough sense in their tiny pea-brains to not rough-up a mother at Chuck E. Cheese's. I suppose I expect too much of society. Furthermore, I could only hope that these girls had a legitimate reason for even BEING at Chuck E. Cheese's. Probably not.

I'd like to argue that, had there been any actually, real, know-how-the-fuck-to-be-a-parent parents at Chuck E. Cheese's, possibly this fight could have been broken up before men with machine guns ordered 4 year olds to get onto the ground and put their hands on their heads.

As if this isn't bad enough. Witnesses reported that NOT ONE PERSON FROM THE CHUCK E. CHEESE'S STAFF DID ANYTHING TO BREAK UP THE FIGHT. I cannot help but picture a bunch of yuppies in their red uniforms running for the Employees Only section and hiding, leaving panicked parents and scarred children to deal with this insanity, alone. And SURPRISE, the manager refused to speak to the NEWS.

They also showed the very swollen, bruised and cut-up victim crying to the NEWS camera about how this sort of thing isn't supposed to happen at Chuck E. Cheese's.
REALLY? YA DON'T SAY?

Am not going back to Chuck E. Cheese's. Ever.

I know there are a lot of new readers on the site, so if you are not familiar with my last Chuck E. Cheese's experience...please review it here, for a better understanding.

-Housewife

Let's Piss People Off Day, and Play a Fun Game While We're at it!

2005-04-26T15:46:00.000-07:00

In honor of all the assholes whom have graced our site with their demeaning presence, I have decided to post again. That's right people. I am boring. I am dumb. And I should just let Housewife take over the blog, but I don't go down that quickly! No, no, no, I will force more of our readers into the dreadful misery they call "my writing." Cheers to you NYC!

Anyways, I was reading Amalah's website, and she just came home from Aruba. Well I thought to myself, "self, wait a tick, you've been there and a million other places, let's share it with your hateful readers." So I am. I've been a lot of places people and I am so thankful to have such wonderful parents, and a great college experience that I was able to go, but I thought this would be fun for those of us in our close-knit group, and Erin and Rachel (hi girls!). So here's where I have been, and let me know if you've been there, your experience, and how much you hate my "dumb" post. Yey!... a game if you will... Oh, and a little disclaimer, only fun places count, k? Nothing boring like Arkansas for vacation (not that Arkansas sucks, I just mean like Caribbean, Vegas, etc... Now, I have just added everybody in Arkansas to hate me too - sorry). K, so here 'er goes!

Let's start with the United States:
1. Las Vegas Bitches
2. California
3. North Carolina (oops, kinda boring huh - this "dumb" girl can't even follow her own rules)
4. Florida
5. ATL chickies
6. Ocean City, MD
7. New Jersey
8. NYC
9. Canada - not United States, but whatever, I'm dumb! :)

Okay, fun stuff:
1. Aruba
2. Bahamas
3. Ochos Rios, Jamiaca (twice)
4. Cozumel (twice)
5. Grand Caymans (twice)
6. Cancun

Here is where I'd like to go:
1. Hawaii
2. Italy
3. The Eastern Caribbean (i.e. St. Thomas, St. Marteen, etc...) - which lucky for me, Pumpkinface and I are going there on our honeymoon!

Sooooo, where have you been, what'd ya do fun? Side bar: Totally was at the same resort as Pacey from Dawson's Creek and one of the twins from Sweet Valley High!
-Career Woman (who is apparently dumb, boring, and a lousy writer)

Friday through Monday

2005-04-26T09:21:00.000-07:00

Because my sister totally screwed up our internet at home, I am forced to wait three whole days to post anything until I get to work. This saddens me, however, my weekend did not. I finally did something, and I'm still recovering! Friday after work, Jamie and I went and got our nails done, although we were there for a good 2.5 hours, and our nails only took a half hour, we had an all-in-all good time!

Saturday was my soon-to-be-cousin, Melissa's bridal shower. I got a lot of great ideas for my shower and we had a superb time! My sister and I won two plants for my mom, who threatened to wreck our lives if we didn't win them for her, and the games they played there were so cute. Saturday night was a rockin' good time. We went to the sock hop! Pumpkinface was working, but I went with his family and we all danced the night away. We did miss Housewife though, anything on Martha Street just ain't the same!

Sunday was pretty eventful. Pumpkinface, me, Jamie, and Eric went to the mall and went to Jillians. We played skee-ball and bowling, but we never had enough tickets to actually win a prize (which was pretty discouraging). Then we came home, ate with the in-laws and headed to Mountaineer. That is three states in one day people! However, we all came home losers. I got a little tipsy there. Jamie and I were drinking wine, and we were getting wild. I walked into the change station, totally did, coming out of the bathroom and Jamie took my drink off me. (Then she gave it back).

Monday, at work. Was. Hell. I was never so tired in my life. I got up at 7:15, never showered, only washed my face, put on "something," (yikes, and it wasn't pretty), and made it here...10 minutes late. hehe. Anyways, it was well worth the awesome, good time. Then Pumpkinface and I went to dinner, and house-hunting some more. We also got ice cream, he said that I slurp it up and that I'm never allowed ice cream again. Haha, that's like not giving a diabetic insulin, hello, a fat girl needs her ice cream. And then we watched.... GROWING UP GOTTI!

I loveeeeee the Gotti boys. That are totally pricks, but so damn HOT. Pumpkinface and I watched two hours of it, and I drooled for each and every minute. Does anyone else share my obsession?
-Career Woman

It's Sunday...You Know What That Means

2005-04-24T21:30:00.000-07:00

Today, we went to Worcester. And before you go and say it like it's spelled, I'll tell you how you say it like a true Bostonian. Woosta. That's right, repeat after me WOO - STA. Now that's better. I've just prevented you from getting stared down like your some kind of hick, by every New Englander on the planet. As long as you continue to speak like you are 2 years old and have a problem pronouncing your R's, we'll be in good shape, people!

Why were we in WOOSTA?

To see the Rinlging Bros. and Barnum and Bailey Circus, of course! What else would this happy little family do on Family Fun Sunday?

Oh and don't you worry, there were Animal Rights Activist promptly stationed at every entrance, picketing. They were handing out pamphlet with pictures of beaten elephants that had chains wrapped tightly around their bleeding ankles. Most of the pamphlets ended up littering the ground, though. None of these people were going to give up tickets that they've purchased months ago and disappoint their anticipating children by turning around and walking away because some girl who calls herself "Rainbow" is begging them to. And I'm very sure that Rainbow was making phone calls to her friend "Sunshine," the Save A Tree Activist, because the sight of all that wasted paper on the ground made her cringe.

I paid close attention to those elephants, in fact, they were my favorite part of the show. They are so beautiful, graceful and majestic. I looked very closely at their ankles too, not a one looked beaten or bloody. They looked very healthy and happy to me. I think I even saw one smile.

Think about it. If you had a choice, as an elephant, to spend your days roaming a hot and sticky plain, fighting off the flies that are eating away at your dry skin, searching for your next meal that may take days for you to find, running from hunters and hungry lions, hoping you come across an oasis for a drink of water....OR...would you rather lounge around backstage all day in the air condition, getting sponge baths from the pretty circus girls, getting tons and tons of human affection, having your meals served to you everyday with cold water, and you'd get to wear pretty sparkly things and be in the spotlight, bringing smiles and laughter to millions of little children all around the world. I don't know about you, but I'd take the celebrity life, hands (or trunks) down!

Did I mention that the elephants were my favorite part of the show? I even gave them a standing ovation...Big Daddy may have been a little bit embarrassed by this, oh well. Not to show any kind of partiality, but one elephant's name was Nicole, and awe was she purrr-rrrdy!

I won't bore you talking about the whole Circus, but it wouldn't have been Family Fun Sunday without Housewife and her sidekick Camera. So as always if you'd like to see pictures, you can go here.

-Housewife

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Disclaimer: Before any asinine activity occurs on this site, because I may have been at the brink of yet another controversial issue, I'd like to say that my true belief is all animals should be left alone in their natural habitat. However, when you have a situation where the animals were raised in captivity, I believe that it is in the animals best interest to continue to be raised in captivity because it lacks the skills needed to survive in the wild.
In all hopes, this will satisfy any anonymous commenter that wishes to send me hate mail. Thank you.

Randomness

2005-04-22T13:05:00.000-07:00

I am totally bored at work today. Afterall, it's friday, and who works on friday. Which leads me to something random...

Pumpkinface and I picked our song! Yey! Well, I thought that we picked it like months ago, but two nights ago, he called on his way home from work, super excited and said that he found our song. So, he turned the radio up real high and had me listen to it, and it was already the song that we picked! But, I joined in on his happiness, because he was proud of himself, and he is so damn cute when he makes exciting comments about the wedding. Oh, you'd probably like to know which song it is: Cher and Peter Cetera - Afterall. Totally. Us.

We are going to a sock hop tomorrow, possibly sponsered by Housewife's mama Bertha, and I'm sad because if Housewife was home, we'd all be going together, but she's not so I'll be embraced with sadness and a big gaping hole without my skankest. Which I am suprised that we have never used the term "skank or skankest on this blog."

All through high school, that's how we referred to each other. One was skank, and the other was skankest. We still do that everytime we make a phone call, they go something like this:

Me: What are you doing skankest?
Housewife: Nothin' much skank, what's new with you?

(Then it is typically some stupid comment about our blog, or our lovechild Erin, or that assface Kaiser, but whatever the topic we are sure to call each other skank).

I have also decided that it is absolutely crucial that I own a digital camera. I am a picture fanatic, but always hated digitals because I felt as though you had to work so hard to get a hard copy, but with this whole blog thing going on, totally need one.

Oh, and does anybody know the word "skeeve" or what it means besides people from New Castle. My roommates in college, down in Pittsburgh, had no idea what I was talking about when I said that I "skeeved something." A million points to a non-NCer who knows what it means.

And what about "yins," most educated people hate the use of that word, but I sometimes do still use it... Master's degree and all, can't forget where I came from! Anybody else say that word out there?

Hmmm...what else. Oh yeah, I've given up on the french manicure. I am stick and tired of yellow, jondus-colored nails. And I will NOT give up tanning. So, tonight when I get my nails freshly polished... they will be a bright, summery color, maybe a pink.

I cleaned my ring today. It is so damn shiney! I love it when I clean it every other day! I will admit that I am obsessive with it, but eh, it gots it some diamonds peeps!

I am almost done with my practicum. Thank Jesus lovelies, because I was getting sick of staying work until 2:00, then going to the school and not eating lunch.

Well, everyone have fun this weekend. I'll let ya know about the sock hop! (can't take pictures though and post them because I don't have a damn digital camera)!
-Career Woman

The Interview

2005-04-22T09:29:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the big day! After I had nervous diarrhea 5 times, and then continued to have it after I showered and did my make-up on the pot....(that is right, I can multi-task), I had my interview yesterday morning at 11:30. And I know you all are dying to know how it went, well it went...well, but I did not get a call back. I didn't really expect a call back, because I was probably the only person without the degree and certification yet that did apply. But I did give myself a huge pat on the back, because I totally took control of the interview, and in doing so, I found out that 40, I said FORTY people applied and they only interviewed the top 14. Which is superb for me, because....I don't even have the degree yet, and they know that and I still got the interview above the other 26 who did apply and had the certificate! So cheers to me! I gained great experience from it, learned a few things, and now I am set for when I actually have the degree and certification next spring and can really apply and give it hell! Thanks for all your prayers and support ya'll!
-Career Woman

National Show Me Your Ass Week

2005-04-21T15:45:00.000-07:00

Since the word "ASS" seemed to be the most popular word used on this site over the last few days I figured I'd stick with the theme. In tribute to Erin's Beautiful Butt Picture, and because we never play a game on our site...I figured it would bring giggles to our readers to see everyone's Smiling Arse.

So............................................

If you have a picture of your buttocks, be a brave soul and celebrate your humor with all of us......post your picture on your site and then comment on ours so we can go meet you and your ass.
And if not....that's ok, y'all can just have fun laughing at mine!
-Housewife

An Open Letter To Kaiser

2005-04-20T08:42:00.000-07:00

Dear "I'm an asshole and I pretend I know what people mean but I really don't because I am that dumb and I feel the need to make assine comments":

Okay, so it is apparent that I need to step in here. I received a phone call last night on my way home from school from Housewife. She was enraged due to your degrading, judgemental, full-of-shit comment that you post on our blog. First off, no one invited you. Secondly, surely, nobody has asked for your opinion. And thirdly, you are dumb. If you read anything that she had typed in her open letter to the, yes, "head boppin', finger snappin', mmm hmmm, being" you would have read the part, ya know what part I am talking?...the part that states "I am not a racist."

You see dear Kaiser, our blog is intended for our purposes, as well as our FRIENDS. You, we do not know, nor do we care to. We have left your comment for the purpose of others laughing at your reading disability (oops, does that mean I am racist against illiterates), and have decided to respond to you. Aren't you lucky?

Housewife is such a person that she "calls it as she sees it," and so am I. The little girl did head bob, did snap her fingers, did curse and tease at her little girls (who, can I mind you, were attempting to play with the girl, so feel comfortable knowing that Housewife allowed her "white" children to play with an "interracial" girl), and was, in fact, interracial. If the little girl was a piece of white trash, or a rich white or colored girl, the same attention would have been drawn for a detailed description. But you wouldn't have commented on that would you?

I, myself, am not a racist. I have many friends from all sorts of different races, and so does she. We appreciate the knowledge of our true friends in knowing our humor, and our disposition. We apologize for those of you who might have been offended, but not to you Kaiser. Don't assume, it'll make an ass outta YOU!

Sincerely not a racist,
Career Woman

An Open Letter to the Playground Bully

2005-04-19T18:44:00.000-07:00

Dear Playground Bully,

I am writing this letter in response to your aggressive and overbearing manner this afternoon at the playground. First of all, I would like to point out that this is not the first time my sweet children and myself had to put up with your cruel intentions. The mere sight of you makes me want to grab you by your hair and rub your face in the sand pit. The unfortunate fact that I must maintain my motherly disposition and not push you head first from atop the monkeybars, forces me to clench my fist, bite my tongue and look in the other direction. For this, you may return home without any Housewife-induced broken bones. Consider yourself blessed. However, this does not mean your behavior has gone unnoticed nor does it mean I will not address it.

There is something about your head-bobbin', eye-rollin', finger-snappin' ,"MmmmHmmm" being, that makes me want to gouge your eyes out with a blunt object. And for these observations I can only safely assume that your mother is the White Starkysha that lives in Building Two that has a half a dozen other Mini-Me Starkyshas that roam the playground terrorizing unsuspecting children. I also will have you know that the only reason I have not confronted you about your rude and insensible attitude is that I simply fear for my life. I have no tactical defense against your 300 pound mother, hunting me down and eating me for dinner.

It does sadden me, Playground Bully, that you have good potential to be a beautiful, well-polished young lady but for some reason you find it necessary to parade around like a gangsta thug and make fun of every small child that is only a third of your age. It saddens me further that you do not have a mother that cares enough to teach you any better. But this does not stop me from loathing you with every ounce of sincerity in my body. You hurt my child's feelings and for this you will pay.

Playground Bully, I will take great pleasure in knowing that your ignorance will only bring you down in life. You will be judged and ignored by anyone that has any sense of intellect and intuition. I curse you many years of anxiety and torture throughout the rest of your school years and only hope that someday there will be a person that is as disadvantaged and as hurtful as you that will take it upon themselves to handle you in the most abrasive way.

Sincerely,
Housewife

Spidey Update

2005-04-19T15:52:00.000-07:00

I found spidey! He was dead. Curled up into whatever spiders curl themself up in when they die, and was on the dresser, below where I wacked him. Why I did not look there is besides me, unless, he crawled all the way up there and then died. I don't know. But I don't think that he would have taken that much time to do that if injured, right? And can they walk up a dresser, sideways, with only 7 instead of 8 legs, it has to be possible. I'm not sure what spiders are capable of, but for some reason I place them in the super human catergory, because they can scare the livin' daylights outta me. Anyways, so he was on my dresser, and on top of my picture from mine and Pumpkinface's engagement party with KP, and her fiance, Matt. Apparently, he liked them and thought that it was a good place to kick the bucket. So now, (no offense KP), I shun the photo. I'm scurred of it. That's what I get for not placing it in a frame yet, huh? Sorry!
-Career Woman

Beyond Stressed

2005-04-18T15:53:00.000-07:00

I know why people kill themselves...for real. Now, don't all of you go an call the local crisis center, because I am not really going to kill myself, I don't have a plan, I don't know how, etc. So no more necessary protocol should be followed. Possibly, every aspect of my life has some amount of stressed attached to it. First off, I have this big, big, HUGE, opportunity coming up Thursday with my interview and all. If I didn't hold back, I could probably vomit at each designated moment of the day, however, I choose to keep my cool. I'll like never get this job in a million-billion years, and me applying for it must have been some sort of joke, but they called and apparently want to torture me with an interview. Lucky me, I am probably falling underneath one of those policies where they have to interview so many when they already have the new senior high counselor picked... that's how it would work out for me. So, if I don't get this job, which I won't, I will be forced to go back to part-time work and do my internship in a school, without getting paid, with possibly no hope of working back at my old high school. Tear.

We are also looking for a house, which leads to another abundance of stress. We have realized a couple of things while looking. Apparently, Shenango township is the Hollywood of the east because you have to pay a million dollars for a shitty, (and I mean shitty) home. This frustrates me. Shenango isn't even the ritziest part of the city and I swear that only Trump himself can afford a decent home here. Pumpkinface feels as though we should find a house in like a day and gets even more frustrated as each day goes on. (Him and I aren't so different). All he wants is a finished basement, and all I want to find is a house where the cracked, wilted wall is not painted over 2,000+ times, and the carpet is not bright, bloody red.

And...we are cleaning out my grandma's house and dividing up all her stuff. This leaves Pumpkinface and I with a lot of furniture (imported from Italy, mind you) that we need not frivilously spend money on, but with a deep, gaping hole in my heart that my grandma is not here to share this with us. Not only does this stress me out, but it makes me tired and sad too.

I am also stressed because this is my last week of classes for the semester. And although, that sounds like a good, stress-free thing, oh no, you are wrong. I have projects and papers out the wazoo to do before the end of this week. And then, it's not over, because I have summer classes starting in less than a month. Whoopee!

My tanning salon is also stressing me out mucho. They are so booked. Hello tanning salon! I am a devoted, year-round, tanner. I should take precendence over the-need-to-be-newly-tanned-prom-goers. Back off bitches! I will turn pastey white if you don't allow me in, and my tan is so beatious now, that I am afraid it will for sure turn me "not as pretty."..... Nahhhh...get serious fellow bloggers, a tanning bed only accentuates it. (wink wink).

Oh yeah and the damn, dead, splatted, huge, carcasses of bugs on my windshield... hello, why doesn't the windshield washer fluid wipe these suckers off. I hate you dead bugs, please remove your dead carcasses (sp) off of my new window on my new jeep, for I can not see when I drive. Thanks bye. Believe it or not, this is stressing me out as well.

Mmm hmmm, and everyone in this office called off today, so you guessed it, I have to speak to every degenerate in New Castle. I'm stressed out. Thank goodness this is almost over... well the work day that is!
-Career Woman

Random Rants About My Weekend

2005-04-16T09:40:00.000-07:00

This Is For The Birds

My phone rings this morning at 7:00a.m. as I'm getting ready to head to Kohl's for their Early Bird Sale. I look at the caller ID, it's my sister's cell phone (?) OK, this is weird, it's Saturday morning, my 17 year old sister is usually tucked into bed until noon on Saturday, why is she calling me from her Cell Phone?

Apparently......Jan and my mother were were locked inside the bathroom at their home.

When my mom got up in the morning, she was standing at the stove making tea and turned around to see a BIRD in her kitchen. My mom runs into the bathroom and shuts the door (and let me just say that she stood in the bathroom screaming for 5 minutes before she realized that she was in the dark and didn't even turn the light on. ) She screams for my sister who is sleeping upstairs to come and hide in the bathroom with her. Jan has to run through the kitchen and past the bird to get into the bathroom with my frantic mother. Now they are waiting for my Uncle T, who lives a few houses up the road, to get the bird out of the house for them. My Dad had already left for work and my mom doesn't understand why he didn't see the bird or how in the heck it got into the house. So after a few swats at the bird, about 5 misses with the broom, 4 dashes back into the bathroom and 6 opened windows later, the bird escapes freely back into the world.....Of course, leaving Bertha scared for life and she now thinks that someone she knows is going to die to because of the whole bird superstition thing. YIKES!

(I'm sure that only those of you that actually know Jan and Bertha could truly appreciate this story)

As for my Early Bird Sale at Kohl's, I scored a cute new purse, new work jeans for Big Daddy, some comfy underwear and a few aborable outfits for the girls.

I guess I wasn't the ONLY early bird out this morning!

Oh and while we are talking about birds......my Blue Heron is back. I live on a lake and every morning last year, this Blue Heron would land on this piece of drift wood and perch out there for a few hours at 7:00a.m., like clockwork. We became good friends. I couldn't start my day without him. The minute I woke up in the morning I would look out my bedroom window into the water to say good morning to my feathery fowl friend. If he was late, I would worry about him. Did he fly into a tree? A window? Did a mean person trap him or shoot him? Maybe he was just caught in traffic? Hmmm. Well Mr. Blue Heron left for the winter and I often pondered if he would come back to me this Spring.

So as I sat at my computer the other morning I caught a glimpse of something out of the corner of my eye through the window. I looked and saw my Blue Heron, larger than life about 3 feet away from my window. He was stretching his wings and looked very large and threatening. I jumped about 5 feet out of my desk chair and nearly had a heart attack. After I realized what it was, I ran to window to greet my long lost friend, for I've never seen him this up close and personal before. I quickly decided that I liked him much better on the piece of drift wood across the lake. As long as he stays over there and away from window, we can still be friends. But Mr. Blue Heron must not have like what he saw either because I haven't seen him since. Maybe we weren't meant to be?

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Kids Say the Darnest Things ... REALLY

After Kohl's, me and the girls hit the Mall. You know that little kiosk with the middle eastern people that sell the nail buffers that make your nails look super duper shiny. Well the guy stopped me for a quick sales pitch. I stood long enough for him to turtle wax two of my nails then we were on our way. The girls didn't say a word the whole time and we never spoke of if the rest of the day, it was completely forgotten.

Well later that evening, I'm cooking dinner while Big Daddy was showering after work. Bella goes into the bedroom when he was done and was talking to him as he got dressed.

"Daaa-aaaddy" in her best tattletale voice ever, says "There was another man touching Mommy's fingers todaa-aay."

Big Daddy: "Oh yeah"

Bella: "Yeah, him was cleaning 'dem"

Big Daddy with a smile from ear to ear, looks into the kitchen "Hey Nik, did you get a manicure today?"

Nikki: NO, why? (I had completely forgot about the nail guy at the mall)

Of course, after he tells me what Bella said, I remembered the nail guy.
Tell me how a three year old would know that Daddy would take interest in another man touching Mommy's hands. And on top of it, tell Daddy while Mommy's not there in a tattletale voice...WAY TOO FUNNY!

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And I know that all of you are just dying to know how we spent Family Fun Sunday this week............................................................................ I know the suspension was killing you!

We strolled the streets of Salem this Sunday. Nothing too exciting. I mean...it's a very exciting place, everyone should take a visit at some point in their life, but we've been there multiply times. I live only 30 minutes away. We did find a graveyard that we haven't been to yet. It was pretty cool. But the reason we went there wasn't for all the witch history this time...we went so the girls could look for sea shells by the wharf. We had beautiful weather and the tide is still low, so there were plenty of sea shells, clams, snails, crabs and other creepy crawly things to see. The only ugly part about the low tide is all the yucky seaweed that you have to walk through, but this didn't stop the girls from having fun. If you'd like to see some pictures, you can go here.
We had lunch at Victoria Station and watched the boats sail into the harbor as we ate. We came home and played soft ball with the girls outside for the rest of the day.

Today, I'll be spending most of time helping Bella clean all the sea shells she brought home. If some kind of creepy crawly sea creature comes out of one of those shells...no matter where any of you fine people are in this world...you are bound to hear me scream.

-Housewife

Wells Fargo - The Saga Continues

2005-04-15T11:33:00.000-07:00

So, I'm on the phone with the bank this morning, making sure my check book is up to snuff, when it occurs to me................I have not received my Wells Fargo bill in the mail for the month of April. OH WHAT A BIG SURPRISE! So after much deliberation, (should I just change my identity, disguise my children and run for hills, or should I attempt to talk civilized with the asshats of Wells Fargo) I decided that I didn't have the energy to be a fugitive on the run today, so I locked myself in the bedroom (to muffle the loud swear words Mommy might be using, from the innocent children) and dialed the number.

Today I spoke with Kleptomaniac Kristina. She tried to strip me of my monetary assets and had no remorse. Am pissed.

Despite my allusive attempt to be polite on the phone, and offer my payment without promoting the fact that it IS Wells Fargo's fault that I did not get my bill in the mail, Kleptomaniac Kristina says, "there will be an 8 dollar charge for making your payment over the phone."

Nikki: Uuuhh, Kristina, I live in the great state of Massachusetts and although this state has a $500,000 house median, one of the highest tax rates in the country and you can't buy a gallon of milk for under $5, it does however protect it's impoverished citizens from being charge for phone payments.

Kleptomaniac Kristina: excuse me (?)

Nikki: It's illegal... you can't charge me for making a phone payment...it's against Massachusetts law.

Kleptomaniac Kristina: I know nothing about that... you're total is $60.90

Nikki: Um, now you do know, I just told you... my total is $52.90

Luckily for Kleptomaniac Kristina there are distant sounds of hostility and bloodshed coming from living room, I pause a moment to open the bedroom door and peek into the living room where I see a game of tug of war with a baby doll used as the rope and it's splitting at the neck line...there are traces of stuffing on the floor and the veins in Sophia's forehead look as they're about to burst.

Nikki: OK, Kristina, I'll deal with it later $60.90 it is....bye.

I swear, if those nitwhits charge me, I'll own the company!

But anyway, during the course of that conversation I was able to come to the conclusion that April's bill has also been returned to Wells Fargo marked "undeliverable" and I assumed it is because they still have my maiden name on the bill and the dumb Littleton Post Office will deliver every other piece of useless mail to me with every other Joe Shmoe's name on it, that ever lived in this apartment but somehow finds it necessary to return things with my maiden name on it.

I was also able to convince Kleptomaniac Kristina to put the bill "In Care Of" my married name, hopefully these numbnuts can get it right this time.
Oh yeah, and they won't change the loan into my married name until I send them a photo copy of my marriage license that is locked in a safety box in Pennsylvania. Hopefully they will hold their breath for this and all die a slow miserable death.

-Housewife

Interview.

2005-04-15T11:03:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I totally got an interview here next week! And I probably totally won't get the job because I won't have my degree until next year.... but hey, I applied, they called me and wanted to interview me, so I'm gonna give it hell. This is a really big deal for me. It has been my dream to go back, and work in my old high school and here is just the beginning of my opportunities. As most of you know, I am completing my second year of the Master's program at Duquesne in the School Counseling realm and I have a year left to do my internship. So I applied to be at an intern status position for the first year, and then to be hired full-time.

The big interview is next Thursday! Everybody wish me luck! And if ya'll have any tips for interviewing in a school district, please send the advice my way, I could sure use it. And hey, the least that can happen is that I'll get my name in the school district, and I'll get great experience during the whole interview process. YEY FOR ME!
-Career Woman

Britney Spears and Spiders

2005-04-14T10:10:00.000-07:00

So I am so totally STOKED, that Britney Spears is having a baby. I was beginning to get worried that she was just some white/trailer trash/form of a Starkysha. I was sccccurrred people. Anyways, so the Federfetus will probably pop out with a ugly, ass, already-greasy sized ponytail on the top of it's head (boy or girl), cigarette in hand, and a do-rag, however, it should be totally cute. Rock on Brit, hopefully this new little bundle of joy will take the down-right nasty grunge outta ya. (But really, I am excited about the baby - Hopefully she calls me to be the Godmother, since I am so excellent!).

On to the spiders. I will admit that I am arachnophobic. I am completely, entirely disgusted by spiders (and snakes, but haven't seen any of those), that I lose sleep over them. For some reason, our home has seen an infestation of a variety of spideys, big, small, short, tall, hairy, skinny, yucky, icky, ewey. These warm days, have brought all the types of spideys into my happy home. The first clue I had of their arrival was last weekend when I was on the phone with Pumpkinface's sister. I was lying on my bed, looked up at the ceiling and there it was, a spidey. I tend to scream bloody murder each time I see a spidey, so my parents were not worried. I called my mother upstairs. I have a catherdral-type ceiling in my room, so standing on a chair will not kill the spidey. My mom decided to get a wet, heavy rag to throw at it, hopefully knocking it down, and I was in charge of watching to see where it went. My mom threw the rag, I jumped, ran, and screamed (not watching to see where the spidey went, just getting the hell out of that room or it's path) and apparently, he ran into the light fixture. No getting him out of there. My mom convinced me that spidey would burn to death in the light fixture, and it was apparent to me that he could not get out, because I was able to see him through the clear light fixture... he was falling down.

That night I stayed at Eddie's and the next night he stayed at my house. I went up to my room to go to bed and sat there and pondered. Should I look up and see if I see the spidey, or just go to bed, knowing he fried to death. Well, I looked up and there he was! Spidey didn't die. At this point, it is 1:00 a.m. and I am pulling the desk chair out of my sister's room and standing on it, plotting how I am going to kill this S.O.B.. As I mentioned, the ceiling is too high for me to reach so I take a shoe, and decide that I am going to jump on the chair and hopefully smash the shit out of the spidey. It takes me ten mintues to get up the nerve to do this and I finally jump up, smack the ceiling, jump off the chair and scream and run across the room to my door. I look up and all there is is a leg stuck to the ceiling. One leg out of eight people. There is no spider. And I check the shoe... no spider their either. I panick, rip off my clothes, and am standing in my room at 1:00 a.m., barenaked, flipping the shit out of my hair. I look under my bed, under my books, under the pile of the clothes on the floor, no spidey, where can he be?

I decide that I am not sleeping in this room. I get my stuff, go downstairs in the basement where Pumpkinface sleeps (it's finished, please don't think we're cruel) because daddy doesn't allow him to stay with me until we are married, and I wake him up, crying. Yes, I am crying because I can not find the 7-leg spider that is somewhere in my room, obviously pissed off because I amputated one of his legs. I look on the steps in the basement and there is another spider! What is the freakin' deal people?! And it ain't spidey, b/c this one has all 8 legs, and it couldn't possible beat me down the stairs... no way. So yes, I sleep in the basement, and Spidey is apparently having a restful, one leg missing, slumber in my bed.

Random Advice for a Tuesday

2005-04-12T10:03:00.000-07:00

Lucky for them, Duquesne University must have read our blog, and knew I meant business, because I FINALLY received a phone call from the creator/director of the program himself. Bless his heart. What a smart man he is. I'm not quite sure if it was the threat to pee, poop, or vomit, but one of them forced him to act quickly and sign me into the class. And bless the new woman in the office Laurie, I find her dedication to her line of work superb... a good job. I am emailing the head of the department to give you a raise honey. You're welcome.

Other news, Pumpkinface and I finally used the gift card from Housewife and Big Daddy for dinner at the Olive Garden yesterday... and yes, we believe that we got food poisoning. We ordered our traditional fettucine alfredo with penne noodles (which I guess would make it penne alfredo), with the breadsticks that we eat by the dozen. Breadsticks are satan's food, made for satan's tongue because they are incredibly scrumptious and addicting and all carbs and make us fat for our honeymoon. Back to the food poisoning... so I decided to add chicken to my alfredo, because Pumpkinface wanted to taste it and wouldn't get it himself, so the good fiance I am, I ordered it. It was yucky. It was strips of grilled chicken... and the ucky grill taste was on my penne alfredo which forced me to gag with every bite. I only had one piece of chicken, just to try it out, and Pumpkinface had about 4. He liked it. I did not. On the way home, both of us got the "I am going to crap my pants if we don't get home in the next 5 minutes"' pain in our stomachs. Ya know what that's like... the arm hair-raising, goose bumps, sweat down your forehead belly cramps. Luckily, we both made it home. So I advise you to stay away from the penne alfredo WITH chicken... ouch... and oh yeah, Duquesne has learned not to screw with me, so you better not either! :)
~ Career Woman

Ice Cream and Butterflies

2005-04-11T15:06:00.000-07:00

Sunday = Family Day

Sweet Mother Nature has finally granted the great state of Massachusetts with beautiful weather. And to be extra nice she allowed the beautiful weather to actually extend until Sunday. Sunday is the only day of the week that Big Daddy gets off of work and no matter how nice the weather has tended to get over the last 8 months, Mother Nature has allowed it SHIT on us every single Sunday. But not yesterday! No sir-ree! It was 78 degrees Whoooo-hooo!

We started off the day at The Butterfly Place. (My fat ass did not consume any kind of gooey, krispie, marshmallowy product of any kind Sunday morning and I was free and clear of going places that I planned to go!) We had a really fun time until the 85 degree controlled climate in the atrium made Big Daddy and I very hot and irritated parents of toddlers and could not run for the door fast enough while trying to see through the flood of perspiration flowing down our foreheads.

I was able to take very rare and beautiful pictures of our fluttery friends that you can see, here.

~And the reason you have to go there to see them is because I have officially fired Hello and they are no longer permitted to show my pictures because their stupid program is too damn confusing and I don't like them. But I will use them like a dirty whore, if I have only 1 picture to share and talk about with you. I can handle 1 picture, with them. Thank you.

Then we went to Kimball Farm for some homemade ice cream. Yey! While we were there we walked around and visited the farm animals. Fun! You can view those pictures here.

We drove around the rest of the day and enjoyed the nice weather.

If your beginning to think that we are one of the those cheesy families that spend every Sunday together doing things that seem fun to children but are actually educational and if you think we spend our free time getting thrills out of farm animals and other somewhat lame things - chances are - You're Right!

-Housewife

An Open Letter to Duquesne University

2005-04-11T01:46:00.000-07:00

Dear Duquesne,

To say I hate you, would be a blatant understatement. Therefore, I have chosen not to monitor myself or the words I would like to say. I have figured some things out about you Duquesne, number 1: you are a liar, and must only hire those doctors and directors of programs that do lie. You see Duquesne, you lied to me. I was supposed to schedule for the upcoming summer and fall semesters two weeks ago. But I could not Duquesne, because surely life happens, and my beloved grandmother passed away and I was not able to attend my scheduling meeting with the director of your assine program. The director of your assine program informed me that there should not be any scheduling conflicts with me putting it off for a week and set me up with someone else for a meeting.

So I met with another director last week. You made me feel as though I was stress free, (although I feared for my life and my right leg in fear that she would eat it) and that every one of my classes was under control and graduating from your master's program in a year from now would not be a problem. None the less, you have decided to mother-f$%^ me again. You see Duquesne, you like to pride yourself on being the holiest of all holy holier catholic universities who claim to love and worship god, jesus, mary and every other holy bible person out there, and instead you screw your students up one side and down the other. You make me want to find the largest stick of dynamite and set it up in your department offices and blow the living shit out of your buildings so that all that is left are small pieces of char, ash, and dust. This I will surely dance, and roll around in with much ease and satisfaction.

You sent me a letter that I of course received on a Saturday so that I could not call and bitch out every person in your office for, stating that the courses that I am required to take to graduate from your assine program has been closed. Meaning too many people had signed up for it, and I signed up too late. Hmmm... the director of your program said that I should be "fine," and that this scheduling late, bull shit of a deal, would "be just fine." Looks like that isn't the case, now doesn't it. So anyways, bottom line, Ricky-Retard-Registrar's Office, put me in the damn class. If you do not put me in the damn class, I will be forced to stay here another semester, forcing me to piss in your new shubbery, take a dump on the front lawn of the School of Education, and drink profusely and dance naked in the water fountain that a least a portion of my $100,000 + that has been put into your blood-sucking, money-laudering, asshat university. After all the dancing around in you umpteen million dollar water fountain, I will surely be nauseous from all the drinking and I WILL take my color-draining face into Old Main and find the nearest head honcho in the building and puke in their coffee cup. This will surely be fun.

So yes, Duquesne, this is a threat. I look forward to hearing from you and I thank you for your time and cooperation.

Sincerely yours,
Career Woman

Random Advice for Friday

2005-04-08T10:19:00.000-07:00

Um, yah, so I'm losing my mind. Slowly, but surely, this girl is going off the deep end. With everything going on in the last month with the wedding, gram, then funeral, school, finding a place for my internship, and house searching, these things have left me mad goofy, I tell ya! I'm off my rocker. Going bonkers. Jumpin' off the deep end. And losin' my marbles.

Since I work with the law right now, we'll use a little metaphor. Ya'll know how your innocent until being proven guilty right? Well, i'm guilty. I'm nuts people. I have enough viable, liable, validating evidence that leads to my insanity. Two things happened yesterday that if noticed, would put me in the nuthouse.

On my way to work yesterday morning, I decided that I was a little hungry. I made a pit-stop at Dunkin' Donuts for my traditional peanut butter toasted plain bagel (scrumptious may I inform you), and my green tea with cream and sugar (makes me feel all warm inside). As I am waiting in the line to order, my main chica K.P. calls with some house-hunting guidelines for me coming direct from the Lord of Contracting's mouth, her pops. As we are in deep conversation, I find spare minutes here and there to order, thank the wonderful woman who feeds me each morning at Dunkin' Donuts and to pull around to the "next window." In doing so, I pay the $3 and whatever for my scrumptious-yummy-in-my-tummy breakfast, get my change, put it in my wallet, continue talking and drive away. If you readers have noticed, one thing is missing from my list of "takes" from the donut kingdom. I DID NOT GET MY FOOD. Yep, left. And the best part, never EVER noticed until I drove all the way to work, only to still be on the phone with K.P., pull into the parking lot, and I cut her off mid-sentence with, "let me just tell you what an asshole I am." And you can all bet your asses that I drove alllll the way back to get my damn food. Eh...money don't grow on trees people.

The next amount of evidence that happened leading towards my insanity conviction was after I met with the school district that I am going to be doing my internship in. When I left the school, I was on my way to get gas, then back to work. I was eating Wendy's on the way (maybe food makes me crazy...I'm beginning to see a pattern), pull up at the gas station, insert my debit card (from my new bank, which I love... First Merit, I love you), pump the gas and I am so insistent on grabbing my receipt because I am a big girl who keeps a checkbook now and drive back to work. I pull up at work, get out of my cutest jeep, and find that I have never reattached the cap to my gas tank, nor have I closed the door to my gas tank. So I panick and wonder if I should have blown up on the drive over. Or did I just lose the $30 in gas that it took to give me half a damn tank (hate, hate, hate, the government)? Well, everything was fine... I guess.

So as you can see, just another typical Thursday in Career Woman 'ville. I am currently taking donations to put me in the looney bin. And oh yeah... my advice is this... do not talk on the phone while: driving, parking, eating, ordering, or paying for food. Only bad things happen when that cell phone is attached to your ear. As for the gas tank situation, no advice on that. Oh, well how about, just don't crack up!
~Career Woman

Confessions of a Housewife

2005-04-07T09:56:00.000-07:00

I went to Sam's Club on Sunday, my sole purpose was to purchase the extra huge box of Huggie Supreme Diapers and the colossal size package of cheap paper towels in which are the only reasons I became a member. But there they were...calling my name from the small wooden pallet they lay on....dum, dum, dum The 24 pack of King Size Rice Krispy Treats. In my mind I new this would be a fatal mistake. But my salivating mouth kept telling my hands "Grab them, grab them and run, run to the checkout and take them home." I managed to compose my professionalism the whole way home and left the little box of heaven in the back of the Explorer, untouched.

I even managed to have only two Treats on Monday (one right after the other).

Tuesday only found me eating one Treat, quietly after the kids were sleeping and before Big Daddy came home.

Wednesday is where I met my shame....................................................

Waking up a 8:00a.m., which is by far the latest I have slept in in months, left me feeling all sluggish and like I wanted to go back to bed. After all, the girls were STILL sleeping, this is why I managed such a late slumber. Plus, I was damn tired, Isabella and Sophia were UP ALL NIGHT, for no logical reason what so ever.

But I looked outside and saw what a beautiful sun shiny day it was going to be and immediately made all kinds of wonderful plans in my head to go here and then to lunch and then here (my favorite place in the world and the reason I will cry when I leave New England) to buy yummy, fresh and unique things to cook an amazing dinner for my hard working Big Daddy. It was going to be a glorious day!

I head out to the kitchen to unload the dishwasher, with every intention to then clean the rest of the house, wake up the girls, get ready and spend the rest of the day outdoors and go to all my little destinations. So fun!

Big Daddy had left the cupboard door open and there they were staring at me...The Rice Krispy Treats. Oh what the hell, I'll have just one, the girls were sleeping, who would know that this would be my breakfast? No one. No harm done.

Leaving the dishwasher door open and the cupboard door as well, I head over to the TV to eat my Treat and catch the weather, just to make sure it was as Beautiful as it appeared outside. The stupid Weather Channel just has to remind you of the date, which triggered a weak spot in my brain that said "Nikki, it's a new month, that means the next season of Sex and the City is on On Demand, watch it, watch it, watch it!!!!"

Oh, just one episode, why not, the girls are still asleep, then I'll get my day going.........

Well, the whole 5th season and 9 Rice Krispy Treats later, I found my self laying on the couch, stomach bloated beyond belief and clock reading 2:00p.m. And somewhere in between the Weather Channel and my 3rd Rice Krispy Treat, the girls were thrown a few bowls of cereal and told to go play in their room.

My day was wasted, my girls somewhat neglected and I surely gained 2 pounds.

Rice Krispy Treats are the devil.

And the scary part is, there are 8 Rice Krispy treat left in the box....What does my future hold?
And HEY, that means there are 5 Treats missing...Who has been eating my Treats? Who?
This is war!

-Housewife

Miss Me?

2005-04-06T12:22:00.000-07:00

Well, I missed you! Wow it has been a long couple of weeks. First off, I want to thank all of you for sending your condolences. My family and I really appreciate it. And Nik and K.E., please don't worry about not being able to make it in town, I know you girls were there in spirit. I've had some rough days, but we're getting through it, slowly, but surely. My family and I have kept busy. Things always seem easier when you are surrounded by family and friends to keep you occupied and luckily we had that. Now, I have started back at school, I am back at work, and busy cleaning out the mansion that my grandparents lived in. We're selling the house so a lot of work needs to be done. I swear my grandma had more clothes than the Queen of England and could make the guiness book of world records for decorations. That house, as most of you know, has a strong emotional attachment for alot of us and this entire process is going to be really trying... but I guess the G-Man only gives us what we can handle. Let's move on to what I'd like to refer to as half-decent news.

I found a site for my internship...potentially. I am meeting with the counselor at the school district tomorrow, and banking on everything going well, I should be set. Only this is just part of my internship and the other half will be next spring, then.... GRADUATION. Yippee! I have also scheduled for Summer and Fall semesters which isn't really exciting, just half-decent news, (see it fits under the catergory).

Pumpkinface and I are looking for a house, or property, whichever seems to be the best fit. Luckily, a good friend and dear neighbor has a father who owns a construction company and they are being a big help. (I'm her maid of honor, hehe). But man o'man is shopping around for a house stressful! What township, size, area, price, bedrooms, etc. are we looking for? We don't know! I'd like to live like Donald and Milania (sp) Trump, and although that isn't going to happen right now, there is no reason we can't have a decent home right?

In looking for a house, it is obvious I need a better job - and just the perfect time. I'll be leaving the place I am currently employed by August because I need to do my internship. Well, we need an income to have a house, so I am searching around for something part-time in my field. I will blow my head off if I have to do wrap-around again, but I'll find some type of part-time counseling work....hopefully.

Oh and more good news, I think I'm going to have chinese food tonight. Yummy. Mi Hung Ri. That's your chinese lesson for today. No go and teach your youngn's.

~ A Career Woman Who Will Potentially Be Un-employed

A Night Out In Beantown

2005-04-04T17:41:00.000-07:00

Apparently my parents felt so terrible that they couldn't meet me half way Wednesday night, because my Dad could not get off work, that they hopped in the car Friday after he got off work and drove all the way to Massachusetts, got here at 5 o'clock Saturday morning, just so Big Daddy and I could go out Saturday night for our Anniversary and they got back in the car 5 o'clock Sunday morning and drove back to New Castle. They actually spent more time in the car this weekend then they did with us. They must really love me!

Big Daddy and I spent the evening in Boston's North End, unlike The South End that was filled with Irish Folk, the North End is the Italian Neighborhood. Never called Little Italy, I'm told. Not sure why. But anyhoo......this is by far my favorite part of town. I feel right at home. Kind of like the Italian Princess that I am :) With every turn of the cobblestone streets you find an Italian Bistro, pastry shop, cafe', or a bakery tucked in a narrow alleyway. Most bakeries are open 24 hours and you could smell that fresh baked bread from a mile away. I love it! In my opinion this is the most beautiful part of Boston. It's one of Boston's oldest neighborhoods, it's very historic. This is where you will find Paul Revere's House and the Old North Church. I did bring my camera with me, but to make Big Daddy happy, I did not take any pictures. He said he would like to spend one evening with out seeing spots from my flash. Understood. At least I already took some pics of the North End the last 10 times I was there. Although I did make sure that Big Daddy understood that when we are 100 years old and celebrating our 80th Wedding Anniversary and we are shriveled like prunes, he will wish that he had a very attractive 4th Wedding Anniversary picture to show off. And he won't have one.

I don't feel too much like fighting with Hello and Blogger, so if you'd like to see the North End...I've taken the liberty of steeling other peoples pics off the net for your enjoyment.
here, here and here.

So we started off the evening with a drive through Harvard, which made me feel all smart and sophisticated and I was so ready to dig into a greasy pizza! So off to Pizzeria Regina we went. So So So So So So Yummy!!!! We stood in line for 45 minutes just to get in the door.

Then off to The Theatre District for a movie. Boston is home to Loews Theatre, it is the only cinema in the city of Boston - but this doesn't mean Bostonians aren't into movies. This baby is 3 stories high. It has 19 screens and holds 4500 movie goers. Each floor is equipped with a snack bar the size of wal-mart, a cafe' and a Starbucks', just incase you need a cup of Joe while watching your flick. I mean, there were people chowing down on Chicken dinners in front of us. This place is unbelievable, red carpets, velvet ropes, golden doors, glass elevators, ushers in tuxes...you can even have your wedding there if it suits your fancy! No joke. I would have loved to see the ball room. Totally would have taken my camera out to capture this place in all it's beauty but NO PICTURES PLEASE (Loews' rules, not Big Daddy's this time.)

What did we see? Million Dollar Baby.

Was is good? I guess, Big Daddy says so.

I fell asleep about 30 minutes into the movie.

Yes, I fell asleep.
Yes, I'm a dork.
Yes, this was supposed to be my big night out without the kids.
Yes, my parents drove 624 miles for me to fall asleep at the movie theater.

It was so past my bedtime, I couldn't help it.
I have never denied the fact that I SUCK!

Looking Forward to the FIVE YEAR

2005-03-31T23:40:00.000-08:00

My day started with Big Daddy waking me up at 5:00 a.m. to tell me Happy Anniversary before he left for work. I guess he forgot that he also woke me up at 2:30a.m. to tell me, as well. He also called me just about every hour while he was at work, just to remind me what he was doing 4 years ago at that time.

The 9:00a.m. phone call
Big Daddy: Nik, I was puking in my parents back yard right now cause I was so nervous

The 10:00a.m. phone call
Big Daddy: Nik, My Mom was forcing me to eat right now so that I wouldn't pass out at the alter

The 11:00a.m. phone call
Big Daddy: Nik, I was puking in the back yard again

The 1:30p.m. phone call
Big Daddy: Nik, the photographer was at my house right now, it took him over an hour to get a good picture because I kept running to the back yard to puke.

The 2:30p.m. phone call
Big Daddy: Nik, we were at the church right now, you were downstairs with the girls, I was puking in the vestibule

The 3:00p.m. phone call
Big Daddy: Nik, you were walking down the aisle right now...I was shaking so bad...you were so beautiful.
(AAWWEEE, I LOVE MY BIG DADDY)

The 5:00p.m. phone call
Big Daddy: We were headed to the reception hall right now, God was I hungry after all that puking, good thing I wasn't nervous anymore.

Big Daddy got home around 6:00p.m. I went to take a quick shower before we went out to eat. Big Daddy just couldn't resist sticking his head into the shower at 7:00p.m. to say "Nik, we were having a blast at the reception right now. "

Now that I am completely brushed up on my wedding day itinerary we headed out to eat at Olive Garden.

The girls were surprisingly good. I only got a breadstick thrown at me twice, this is quite an improvement. Isabella actually ate her whole meal and Sophia screamed at the lady beside us, until she waved at her. We seriously never leave a restaurant without every person there knowing what my children's names are and how old they are...Isabella will stop at every table on the out and tell anyone that is willing to listen, "My name is Isabella and my sister's name is Sophie. I'm this many (holding up three fingers) and Sophie is 1, cause hers stills a baby."
And of course every person will respond and encourage Bella to keep talking to them and SHE WILL, it does not take too much persuasion. It took us a good hour just to get out the door.
Mental note: ask for the table closest to the door, next time.
Side note: Isabella will give that same speech to EVERY cashier we meet at EVERY store we go to EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
It was so cute at first, now it's just exhausting. Every person will then smile and look at up me and tell me how adorable my children are and then I'm forced to smile back and graciously thank them and 8 out of 10 old woman will then have to tell me how their daughter was just like that when she was little blah blah blah.

So now we're home, Big Daddy has not forgotten to tell me that 4 years ago at this time (11:30p.m.) we were on our way to the hotel which he adds was his favorite part. Guess I got to go do something about that (wink,wink).

Oh and if anyone was wondering what Big Daddy and Housewife were doing 5 years ago on this date Check it out here.

Another year of wedded bliss!

Hopefully next year I'll have a babysitter!

N'ght y'all

-Housewife

UPDATE: It's Friday morning, Big Daddy called me at 8:00a.m. to say "Nik, this was our first whole day as a married couple." I'm beginning to wonder if this is going to go on for the rest of the day. Maybe he thinks I have forgotten all this.....who knows.....More than likely, it's just Big Daddy's way of being sweet and sentimental - that's why I love him so!

Updates

2005-03-30T00:15:00.000-08:00

Update for Funeral:

Ok, so problem solved. My parents can't meet me in Scranton anyway. So I now have no way home, period! I still feel bad about not being home but at least now I know for sure that there is no way that I could have been there, this makes me feel a wee bit better. As for my anniversary, John and I will be going out to eat with the girls (cause we don't have a baby-sitter) I'm sure this will be unbelievably romantic and all, with screaming children, spilt drinks, flying utensils, pulled tablecloths, no alcohol, excapes from the highchair, saucy hands soiling my clothes, 5 trips to the restroom just so Isabella could see what it looks like and wash her hands, and at least 1 diaper change.
I could hardly wait (?)

The next update concerns my Wells Fargo fiasco:

Anyone who actually reads all of this will surely remember my circus act with the Wells Fargo call center. Who really could forget Ill-advised Degenerate Dave and Asinine Imbecile Jim, I mean they ARE the poster children for Customer Service. Huh!

During my phone conversation, last month with Wells Fargo, Asinine Imbecile Jim was able to tell me that their bills get sent out on the 21st of every month and that if I did not receive a bill by the 28th, to call them. (This completely made sense to me because if you remember my Grandma received my bill for March on February 28th) That may have been the smartest thing that Asinine Imbecile Jim has ever said. Yey him!

I have been patiently waiting until March 28th to see if my bills for April will come in the mail or if I will get a phone call my Grandma. March 28th rolls around - no bill and no phone call, HMMM.

I make the dreaded call to the Well Fargo call center once again.

Amazingly Mindful Monica answers the phone. (woooh, I was sure relieved not hear Dave or Jim's voice). Amazingly Mindful Monica is cheerful, she speaks loud and clear and is soothingly helpful. WHOO HOOO!

So I explain the whole situation to Amazingly Mindful Monica who, may I add, did not interrupt me once and actually sat there and listened to every word I had to say. I love her. After hearing my horrible story, she gives the cutest little giggle and says "Well I see the what the problem is right here."

Nikki: (smile ear to ear, thinking "please God, let her say something useful)

Amazingly Mindful Monica: It looks here as if we received the bill we sent you in February back. It was marked "undeliverable" by the Post Office. Anytime we get mail sent back to us, we automatically send the bill to the next available address on the account which was your Grandmother. Therefore she has been receiving all of the mail concerning your loan since January when we got February's bill back.

Nikki: Uh-huh, that is understandable, but I don't know why it would have been marked undeliverable? I've been getting all of my other mail.

Amazingly Mindful Monica: Your apartment number is listed on the first line of the address block on our computer, sometimes if billing doesn't correctly enter it on the second line of the address block, the computer cuts it off while printing the bill. So if it didn't show your apartment number, more than likely the postman sent it back.

Nikki: Oh, OK....can you fix it.

Amazingly Mindful Monica: I already did and I'll resend April's bill to you, you should still receive it in plenty of time before the payment is due.

Nikki: Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. You have been wonderful! I really appreciate it. But do you have any idea why Dave and the Supervisor Jim, couldn't just tell me that when I called about this a month ago?

Amazingly Mindful Monica: I'm not sure, this information would have been in the computer as soon as received the first piece of mail back, there is no reason they shouldn't have known this. I'm sorry.

Nikki: That's OK. Thank you so much. Bye.

It's like taking a breath of fresh air, talking to that Amazingly Mindful Monica...as for Dave and Jim, I hope they rot in hell!
I really hope this has put an end to my Wells Fargo hatred.

Next update, EASTER:

With everything going on, I didn't get a chance to talk about my Easter. It was very quiet and lonely. It was the first Easter that spent away from my family. Not too much drama.

The day started at 5:30a.m. when Sophia came climbing into bed with me and John. She had a mouth full of Hershey Kisses (and a little foil) and a box of Nerds in her hand. She obviously made a pit stop at the Easter baskets on her way from her room into ours. Sophia was ready to go, she couldn't wait to dig into her basket and open up all the little eggs we had hidden all over the livingroom. Sleeping Beauty (aka Isabella) on the other hand, did not want to wake up! We had to force her out of bed, she WAS NOT too happy about this. So I let them look for all the hidden eggs. Sophia went full speed again. Bella stood there half asleep, pouting with her arms crossed until I told her Sophia was going to get all the eggs and she would have any....then it was war.

After the egg hunt they opened their basket, got a bath and we headed off to Church.

We cooked a modest Easter Dinner just for the four of us and relaxed the rest of the day, watching Bambi and Shark Tales (the girls got them for Easter).
This was frequently interrupted by by Mom calling every 5 minutes, crying because we weren't there, calling to say who stopped by, calling to see what the girls were doing, calling to say my Grandma and Grandpa were there, calling to say that my aunt and uncle from North Carolina were in town and coming over to eat, asking me what I was doing, reminding me to send pictures, and every other question she could think of asking. Just as those phone calls seised, John's mom started. OY!

So that was that, not real exciting....but here's a pictures of the girls in their Easter dresses.

Easter

Really Bummed

2005-03-29T16:05:00.000-08:00

So Big Daddy can't get off work to take me into New Castle for the funeral, this has me all sad and feeling really bad about myself because I'm the asshole best friend that can't even be there for Morgan in this terrible time of her life. I suck. I shouldn't even be allowed to be anyone's best friend.

I also suck because being the awesome husband that Big Daddy is, he has offered to take me half way into Scranton PA and have my parents meet him there and take me the rest of the way home and if he does this that means he, a) will be driving back 5 hours by himself after spending 10 hours on the road and get up at 5:00a.m. and go to work the next morning. Just for me. and b)He would be doing this on Wednesday night and our 4th Wedding Anniversary is on Thursday which means we won't be together for it. But he is willing to sacrifice this, just to make me happy cause I want to be there for Morgan. I actually am thinking about taking him up on this. I suck. I shouldn't even be allowed to be anyone's wife.

So WHAT DO I DO???!!!!!!????

THIS IS THE MOST AWEFUL SITUATION/DECISION EVER!

I suck.

So now that I have concvinced myself that I am indeed the most terrible person IN. THE. WORLD. I still don't know what to do.

I mean Morgan has Pumpkinface to be by herside. Does she even really need me there? As a friend, should I even really care if she needs me or not, I should just be there, right?
On top of that, Morgan's Gram was a VERY WONDERFUL person that I knew. I should be there, anyway, even if it had nothing to do with Morgan.
I could send flowers and a card, I mean Morgan and her family will surely understand that I live far away now, right?
But I do have the opportunity to get home, but what about Big Daddy? I wasn't here to spend his last birthday with him, because I was in PA, and now if go home, I'll be leaving him all by himself on our anniversary. COULD THIS BE ANY WORSE?

I feel so shitty!

Any help?

-Housewife (who doesn't deserve to be a wife)

P.S. and please don't suggest flying, because I am deathly afraid to fly and absolutely REFUSE to do it for the first time by myself with the girls. Thank you. I know I suck.

Sad News

2005-03-28T07:48:00.000-08:00

I'm sorry to announce that Morgan's Gram passed away. I'm going to try to get home at some point over the next few days, so there may not be many posts. Please keep Morgan and her family in your thoughts and prayers.
- Nikki

A Few New Things

2005-03-25T10:45:00.000-08:00

First of all..................

LOOK WHAT I MADE, YIPPEE!

The second thing is: My brother-in-law Chris is a school teacher and his school went to the Basketball State Playoff in Hershey PA. He and his fiance went to the game and bought Isabella and Sophia these cute little Hershey Chocolate cups with a cow hanging over the brim. Everytime she would take a drink out of it, her eyes would go crossed looking at the cow. WAY.TOO.FUNNY.

Sophia on the other hand, was a little confused. She was mistaking it as a sippy cup and was trying to suck the drink out of the cows head. SO.CUTE.

The third thing is: I actually convinced Ryan into startng his own blog. YEY ME! I'm so excited because now I get to see what Ryan is up to every day and I promise he will bring the FUNNY - cause that's just Ryan! MUAH! So go and visit him HERE

And the last think I have to say after all of this is: FOR THE LOVE OF SWEET JESUS there HAS to be a faster and easier way to post multiple pictures on one post! GOOD LORD, it took me an hour to do this!

-Housewife

A Mall Trip

2005-03-24T11:38:00.000-08:00

You all remember Alex right? My sister, the one who made the varisty cheerleading squad, the cute, skinny, muscular little Alex right? Well, Alex almost wasn't going to be very cute anymore after last night. My mom came up with the funny idea for me to take my sister shopping yesterday for some new jeans, etc... (because her "friend" has started visiting, and now her body is slightly altering). Excellent idea mother. I will bless my sister with a Career Woman's fashion advice, she will be styling even more, and I will pick up a few things for moi.

I expressed to my sister that although mall attire does consist of a cute, little sweatsuit, when you are trying on jeans or dress pants - some type of footwear must be worn in order to see how the pants will fit over them. Duh. Cardinal rule...hellooooo?! She fought with me and insisted on wearing tennis shoes. She is obviously but-a-pup when it comes to shopping. We finally got to the mall, fed our tummies with some chinese and to Hollister we went.

My sister has mistaken me and my family for some derivation of Donald Trump. She insists that we go outside in the backyard and pick our money off of a tree. Alex picked up the $60 Hollister jeans, with the rips and the sequins... I told myself "whatever," my mom gave her the money, she can spend it as she wishes. But the jeans, DID. NOT. FIT. HER. They were baggy in the front and baggy in the back, but for some reason, had them still in her hand at the check-out line. There went royal rumble 2. She put them back and we headed off to some other stores.

I purchased some cute dressy outfits for myself for work, school, etc. I decided that it is time to get out of the Wet Seal - Charlotte Russe faze, and move on to something better. More professional. Classy. I still can't do it. I stayed away from Charlotte Russe, but I will say that I did purchase some cute capris and pants in Wet Seal. We moved on to 5.7.9. to get Alex some jeans because she has moved (watch out people) from a size 00 to a size 0. And yes, she is upset about this. She tried on a cute pair of jeans in a size 0, fit her perfectly, and cheap too - didn't want 'em. Then she tried on another pair in size 0 and they were too tight. She would not, and I mean WOULD NOT, try a size 1. I now refer to her as anorexia nervousa. Honestly, who gets upset over a size 1? Please tell me. So we fought over that. We fought in 5.7.9., Hollister, Bath and Body Works, and PacSun.

We finally went back into Hollister to get her a pair of jeans, (not the $60 ones that did not fit her), but another pair - drove home, and then I, yes, I got yelled at for buying clothes because I am getting married in like the next century. Who says that when you reach the age of 18, you are considered an adult...talk to my mother please.

At Least I Tried

2005-03-22T16:33:00.000-08:00

Erin has inspired me! She has taught herself how to knit. I'm deeply impressed by this. She is making herself a wonderful scarf...see.

I have been wanted to teach myself to crochet for years and now I have hope.

So today after I took Isabella to dance class, I went to JoAnn Fabric's and hooked myself up with crocheting equipment. I am determined. I am excited. I am hopeful.
After an hour of trial and error...I made a chain. Then I moved on to building onto the chain.
I was so amazed with what I had accomplished that I didn't bother to count my rows, that was mistake number 1. I also didn't pay too much attention to making my stitches the same length, that was mistake number 2. And I'm sure I made all kinds of other mistakes but, who knows, who cares, I was crocheting and whatever I was making was getting bigger! This brought me great joy.

So after about a half hour I made this.......

I do not know what it is. I do not know what it was supposed to be. I don't know what I will do with it. I'm not even too sure that it is from this planet. But it is crocheted and it was crocheted by me. YEY!
(I could possibly use it as a doilie for my lipstick....it's that small. Don't know. I do know that it definitely needs to be publicly displayed!)

Also, when I stood up, I was incredibly dizzy and I saw black spots. I was either concentrating way too hard or I need glasses. I'll need to do something about that.

Practice makes perfect. So I'll practice a little each day. Someday I might actually make something that's useful. And when I do....watch out....because all that my friends will every get from me, is something that I crocheted............ for Birthdays, Christmas, Weddings, New Baby's, Housewarmings...you get the picture. And you will all smile and graciously thank me and love it forever, that's an order!

-Housewife

St. Patty's Parade

2005-03-21T11:10:00.000-08:00

South Boston's annual St. Patty's Day Parade was held yesterday. I couldn't wait to go because I'm half of an Irish Lass ya know! I was totally bummed the night before because after 5 straight days of blissful sunshine, it was supposed to rain on Sunday for the parade :( And if it rained, Big Daddy didn't want to go. But as my Irish Luck would have it......THERE WAS NO RAIN! It was near 50 degrees and beautiful! A little windy by the waterfront...but not a cloud in the sky!

If you've never been to South Boston, I'll paint the picture for you:
The south end of Boston is the Irish part of town, mostly referred to as "Southie." It's a very well-to-do area, you can't get a townhouse for under a million dollars-no joke. It is distinguished by Victorian brownstones that also will not sell under a million. About 3/4 of every Massachusetts politician lives in Southie. And in all of it's wealth, you will not cross a corner without seeing an Irish Pub. Southie also houses some of the best restaurants in Boston.
Oh and it has a rather large Gay community and when I say gay I'm not referring to happy little drunk, Irish, leprechauns. Or am I?

The parade was awesome. It's the second largest in the US, taking the back seat to New York City's St. Patrick's Parade. And what made it all the more interesting is...in Boston you are allowed to drink alcohol, in the streets, if it is in a plastic cup... Drunks. Every. Where.
We were assured by the local residents that the only time you'll see this many drunks roaming the streets in Southie is during this parade...it's the day they can pay tribute to their heritage and not ruin their social status by bonging for the news camera's.

The highlight of the parade for Isabella and Sophia were the beautiful horses...hundreds of them......The highlight for Big Daddy and I was when the group of drunk guys next to us, were yelling "certain things" to one of the girls on the Guinness Beer float and she in return (obviously drunk herself, holding a "plastic cup") yells at the top of her lungs into the crowd that is mind you, full of CHILDREN..... "Go Fuckin' Do It To Yourselves!" It was classic!

So here we are, all gussied-up for Shamrock Day!

-Housewife

When Is The Next Gambler's Anonymous Meeting?

2005-03-21T10:14:00.000-08:00

My name is Morgan, and I have a gambling problem. So, apparently the first step to nipping any addiction is to admit you have a problem, while I have accomplished Step 1, however, I don't want to quit. It is sooo much fun. Yesterday, me, Pumpkinface, his sister, and her fiance (a.k.a. Jamie and Eric) went to Mountaineer yesterday. For those of you that don't know what Mountaineer is, it is one of the closet gambling casinos in West Virginia (reminder that we do not live in West Virginia - thank the good Lord). There are horse races, shows, and slot machines galore.

I do not pride myself on being a good gambler. Actually, I am fairly cheap when it comes to my own money. I never saw the point in paying for something that you get nothing in return. Sure I tend to shop my ass off, but I use the fact that at least I get to look all pretty and stuff in my new clothes as my offense. When you gamble, your odds are not well. I know that if I am paying for a shirt, I am damn well, getting a shirt, along with a receipt and a bag to put it in. But I did gamble yesterday...with Pumpkinface's money. That is ALWAYS fun. Then it's not so bad when you lose. You just stick your hand out, give the puppy dog eye's and you get another 20 to put in the slot machine that you have been sitting at for nearly an hour, sure that it is going to hit something big.

Well, Pumpkinface and I really didn't hit anything big, but Jamie and Eric did. Yup. She actually had cut off Eric from putting any more money in the slot machines because they have a wedding coming up too. But he snuck, and luckily he did. That sucker hit the slot machine for 4,000 quarters - if ya'll could do the math that is a good 1,000 smackeroos. Sweet Bejeebus, I know. But we were so happy for them, because they are going to pay for their wedding flowers with that - how nice huh? Everybody go "Aweeee."

Pumpkinface and I were really happy for them, but we were not afraid to admit alittle jealous. Hey, we have a wedding coming too ya know, and it would be nice to buy a house so we don't have to live with one of our parents, right? So we decided to split up with Jamie and Eric. Pumpkinface and I were on a mission I tell ya. We went from one quarter machine to the next. We cheered when we won two credits and we came up with a system. We would put $20 in a machine, and that would give us 80 credits, once we spend half and got down to 40 credits ($10), we would cash out and find another machine. We cashed out a lot, still very well in the hole, then we saw "the" machine. It almost had a glowing aura about it. Like it was calling us... "Pumpkinface, Career Woman... come playyyyy meeee." So we stuck a twenty into it. We decided to go all the way with this one and didn't cash out when we got to $40 credits. When we had around 10 credits left, we hit for a $125.00. Yippee - better than nothin' right. I made Pumpkinface cash out then and then it was my "gambler instinct" (runs in the family) to put another $20 in the machine next to it. Shabowe! $112.00. Of course I kept my portion and he kept his, although it's all his money... hehehe - He loves me!

So now I am slightly obsessed. I hit the jackpot one year in the Bahamas vacationing with my family for $5,000.00. It all went to Duquesne, but I believe that that is the last time that I won anything...EVER. Now, I got the itch. I want to go back. Have to go back. Must Gamble.

~Career Woman

You Are Now Entering The Twilight Zone

2005-03-19T00:02:00.000-08:00

Attention: Housewife's phenomenal Cosmic Powers have now enhanced themselves into Phenomenal Psychic Cosmic Powers.

I woke up from a dream this morning. I was dreaming that I was riding a bicycle at this intersection back home in New Castle (for those of you that know, I was making a left from Cascade onto Butler Road at the old BP Station). As I'm making the corner, I totally wipe-out on my bike. Ouch. So I pick myself up and go over the BP Station. I grab my cell phone and frantically try to call Big Daddy, the call will not go through. I then try to call Bertha, again, the phone call will not connect. I try over and over and I'm crying. So I go into the Diner (the BP Station had a Diner attached to it, in my dream.) I sit down at a booth in the Diner and John Stamos and Candice Cameron are sitting with me, trying to calm me down. Weird.

I then wake up from my goofy dream.

I walk into the living room. Isabella is already awake. She's sitting on the couch watching TV. Frickin' FULL HOUSE is on the frickin' TV. I'm standing there starring at John Stamos and Candice Cameron on my TV after I just woke up from talking to them in the my dream.
Frah-Eek-Kay!

So I go about my normal morning routine...you guessed it...unloading my dishwasher. My life IS fabulous. After a while I look at the clock and it's 8:19. Hmmm. This is strange. Bertha hasn't called yet. She calls at 8:00 on the dot Every. Single. Morning. She is 19 minutes late, clearly something is wrong. So I pick up the phone to call her. No dial tone. I try again. Nothing. I'm getting a little panicked by now. I run into my bedroom and pick up that phone. It's dead. I'm officially panicked now. So I run to my cell phone and call Big Daddy. He's glad to hear from me cause he was worried, he tried calling all morning and the line was busy. I explain, that the line is dead. He calls Verizon and calls me back stating that there apparently was an accident this morning and half of Littleton is without phone service.
Alrighty, then.

I now have NO. Phone. No. Internet Service. All. Day. Great!

Big Daddy comes home from work this evening and said that there are a dozen Verizon trucks fixing a telephone pole on the other side of the 495 bridge by my house. That must have been where the accident was. Guess What Peeps!!!!!!! The road on the other side of that bridge is called Butler Road!
JUST LIKE the "Butler Road" I was on in my dream back home, where I had an "accident", where I was "trying to call" Bertha and Big Daddy and "I couldn't" because "my phone wouldn't work" and as an added bonus, the whole Full House/John Stamos/Candice Cameron thing. dododododododo I feel like I have entered the Twilight Zone.

Don't you just hate when that kind of thing happens to you? I do this all the time!

Needless to say I'm totally weirded out by this.
Also needless to say, our phone lines are finally working now and it's midnight. Finally!

Oh and as an UPDATE on the Smelly Blob of Poo situation: I had every intention of trying Erin's advice today, but my children did not nap. I did however, manage to paint my toe-nails, which is an improvement. At least my feet look sexy. (Career Woman, sorry if I just gave you a vision of my feet - I know how you feel about them)

Until next time.
-Housewife

Sinora Scott Peterson

2005-03-18T09:48:00.000-08:00

So, what is the deal with all the crazy people in this world these days? I swear that every single time I turn on the news, another crazy person is on the loose, doing crazy-ass things. For one, I hate, HATE Scott Peterson and he will burn in hell. That poor Laci, Conner, and her family. What an absolute tragedy!

I have admittingly become obsessed with Court TV and Courttv.com. And the more obsessed I become with these forms of news reporting, the more I come to the realization that everyone in this world is crazy, and I am the only sane person left! Take for instance Michael Jackson. What is the deal with you MJ? Honest to Pete. You're whiter than an albino. Your nose is going to fall off any day now. Your lips are pinker than mine. The painted on eyebrows have got to go. And you wear more eyeliner than me! Goodness Gracious. Oh yeah, and how can we forget that you touch little boys pee-pee's - what an f-in sicko!

And the BTK Killer. I mean, was he seriously a boy scout leader? For real?! What mass murderer does that in his spare time. But what a devoted church-goer. You have killed over a handful of people, and you want to go to church. Does anybody else see something wrong with this picture?

Robert Blakely - INNOCENT?!?!?!? WHAT?!?!?!? What are the jurors smokin', please? Whatever it is that makes them so nieve, I would loveeee some of that shit. He hired someone to kill his wife, then died his hair whiter than Michael Jackson's skin tone - if he's not Wacko Jacko's twin, I'm not sure who is.

Miss Georgia or whatever she is. Killed her ex-boyfriend. Just lovely... I mean can't people just think in their heads about killing their exes, rather than physically doing it. Men are asses, but putting yourself in prison over a man - honey, it is not worth it. And for God's sakes - um, if you were a beauty queen - pick up the next hunk in the country... really honey, no big deal!

O.J. Simpson is out in California, Florida etc. playing golf - while Martha Stewart was sent to prison. Need I say more?

And poor, poor, poor David Letterman. Has a heart attack, and recovers from that, actually gets to have a baby and the painter, yes, I said his house painter, has a plot to kidnap his baby and his nanny for a $5 million ransom. Crazy, Crazy, Crazy-Ass people out there I tell ya.

The even crazier part is that these are the people who are still alive, and healthy (at least physically) and my grandma is in the hospital, the sweetest, most caring person I know, with more complications than any living person I have ever seen.

This world is NUTS!

~Career Woman

Today's Thoughts

2005-03-17T14:10:00.000-08:00

Here are some thoughts I've had thus far today:
~This morning as I began to pump my moisturizer out of it's bottle, the pump's spout busted right off into my hand. Bummer.

~I went into the kitchen to begin my morning ritual of unloading the dishwasher and when I pulled the bottom rack out, it flew right off it's track and onto the floor. Shit.

~I opened my linen closet to put away some towels, the closet door handle pulled loose. What the hell?

~This afternoon I went to pour myself a glass of water and the ice cube tray snapped in half as I tried to get my ice out. Spooky.

I have either woke up this morning with phenomenal cosmic powers or God is trying to tell me something. I'm banking on the phenomenal cosmic powers. I have done nothing that would call for spiritual communication. That I know of.

Career Woman called me today. After we got off the phone, something occurred to me:

~A normal conversation between the two of us, about 7 years ago, would have gone something like this:

Morgan: Hey Skank.
Nikki: What's up Bitch?
Morgan: Not much. Paintin' my nails. You?
Nikki: Eatin' Pizza Joe's
Morgan: Mmmmm

Nikki: Whatcha wearin' to school tomorrow?

Morgan: Probably that outfit that I got when we went to the mall yesterday.

Nikki: Cute. Can I borrow your blue Express shirt?
Morgan: Yep. Come over.
Nikki: K, remind me to get my earrings off of you, they'll match that shirt.
Morgan: Ooh yeah, you'll look hot.
Nikki: I know, I'll be over in a sec.
Morgan: See ya.
Nikki: Later, Skankest.

The conversation we had today went like this:

Nikki: Hello
Morgan: Hey, skank.
Nikki: What's going on, skank.
Morgan: Bored at work (snort) You?
Nikki: Making some lunch for the girls.
Morgan: My throat hurts.
Nikki: Yeah, you sound like shit.
Morgan: Oh, I made a new post today.
Nikki: Ooh, I'll have to check it out.
Morgan: I went back and read your Chuck E. Cheese post and then our letters to our Anonymous Reader, they make me laugh.
Nikki: I know, they're good.
Morgan: Alright, well make a new post, it's been a few days.
Nikki: Ok.
Morgan: Call me later
Nikki: K, bye.

My thought is this: Somehow my care-free, fabulous life has morphed into the above. How? Why? I should be able to be 20-something, married, have children and still be fabulous. Right? There are days that I'm lucky if I get out of my PJs (this should seriously be in Confessions of a Housewife), I'm super lucky if make-up touches my face, and I am most fortunate to shower 2 days in a row. There is no ethical reason for this blasphemy!

Just because I live 600 miles away from ANYONE who might stop over my house unexpected, does not mean I shouldn't fix myself. Just because I live 600 miles away from ANYONE that might call me to go out, on the spare of the moment, does not mean I shouldn't have gotten dressed. Even if SOMEONE did call me, it's not like I could go because all of my babysitters live 600 miles away from me!

So I'm going to make a promise to myself. I am not going to make myself look all hot, only when I go out into public. I will grace Big Daddy and my children with my illuminating beauty, everyday, for no reason. I will get up early and shower, while the kids are still sleeping. I will put on my make-up, in the dark (if need be). I will dress myself in the prettiest of all fashions, as my children eat breakfast. I will even wear jewelry! And when I am done....my daughters will not know who I am. They will wonder who this embellished woman is. They will stare at me in awe. And listen to every word I say. The world will be a better place!

Then they will catch on and realize that it's just Mommy.

I will soon smell like Spaghetti O's, and defeat the whole purpose of my shower. My make-up will be washed off by the splashes they will make in the bathtub. Sophia will pull my earrings out of my holes and break the chain of my necklace. Isabella will surely spill something on my clothes and ruin them. My hair will inevitably end up in a messy bun ontop of my head because I cannot clean my house with it in my face. Big Daddy will never see the great effort I made to make myself look pretty because I will be the smelly blob of poo that he's used to coming home to.

POOOOOOOOOOFFFF! There goes that idea.

Does anyone have any suggestions for me? I'll try anything at least once!

That's as far as my deep, genius-like thoughts went today. But maybe now that I have awoke with phenomenal cosmic powers, I can do something about all of the frumpy housewives in the universe! Maybe.

-Housewife

Random Advice for Thursday

2005-03-17T09:54:00.000-08:00

I absolutely hate driving to night class...in Pittsburgh...an hour away. I hate paying for gas because like my chica Erin said, it may just break my bank. I also hate to pay for parking - I thought that Duquesne, a Catholic university, whom likes to parade themselves on loving God, Jesus, and every other holy person, would cut some slack in the damn parking fees. How much have you sucked me dry for now? What? Approximately 100,000 and some. You know what Duquesne, don't plant another stinky, smelly bush or tree this year and then perhaps, your students can afford your outrageous parking. Anyways, I hate a lot of things about going to class. Especially the fact that I have one more year of this hell left. Ugh! But I tell myself that it will all be worth it in the end. A Master's Degree...gotta make some moolah with a master's degree, right? Someone please tell me "right," so I don't drive off of 79S tonight on my way to another 3 hours spent at this hell-hole.

But with all this complaining, there is one itty-bitty thing that I love about going to school. I freakin' JAM OUT to some mad tunes peeps on the radio. Especially on the way home. There is nothing better in this world than the Top 8 at 8. (well...there are some things better...but just go with it people) I swear that one of my friends needs to put my name into Motormouth on VH1, because I would kick ass, no doubt. I, myself, love a variety of music. I like country, hip hop, R&B, pop, and I loveeeeee oldies!

Here is where I tell all my blogger friends my secret. I have a deep, burning desire to be able to sing. But I can NOT sing to save my life. Pumpkinface literally turns the station on me when I start to belt out those lyrics. You would think that because I love to sing, dance, and perform so much, the G-man would have blessed me with some soothing vocal cords. Apparently he did not to the people driving in the car with me. But when I drive to school, I have my freedom and boy do I take advantage of it. I sing sooooo loud, that sometimes my voice cracks, gets dry and I literally choke. That's sad, huh? And I dance. No matter what song is on the radio, I pretend I am that person, group, duo, etc., whatever. But, you know what my ultimate favorite song to sing is.... MUSTANG SALLY.

Friends of ours are in a band. They sing like classic rock, rock, etc. and they always play Mustang Sally for me - only I don't know all the words, but that's okay because....we change them. Mustang Sally is no longer Sally - that mustang is Morgan. Yup, we definately sing those words at their shows and so do they - sometimes they allow me to be a special guest on stage, and I sing the chorus with them. (Note: It is very apparent that I sing like shit. End Note). Big UPS to Dangerous Curves. Other songs on my list of songs to sing along to in my cutest little jeep liberty are as follows:

1. Anything by Rascal Flatts - God Bless the Broken Road is my best, by far.
2. LeAnn Rimes - Nothing bout love makes sense
3. 50 Cent - Candy Shop - this is where you will see my best moves.
4. Frankie Jay - Obsession - I get a little soulfull.
5. Shania Twain - I love that bitch!
6. Kenny Chesney
7. Sugarland - Baby Girl - much love to my theme song
8. Ludacris, etc. - Sugar
9. My Give-a-Damns Busted - that country lady...what the hell is her name? Oh yeah... JoDee Messina
10. Usher - Caught up... "I'm so CAUGHT UP...OOOHH BABY, IM LOSIN' CONTROL"

My advice to you, is that when you have a long drive ahead of you, or even if you have to run to the corner store for milk, pads, gum, whatever... pop in one of these ten tunes, and I will guarantee you a good-ass time!
-Career Woman

Sick and Tired

2005-03-16T12:39:00.000-08:00

I am so sick AND tired of being sick that I'm tired on top of all this sickness!

Sick...sick....sick... that's me! - Sick Morgan, all the damn time. But during all this sick time, I have come up with numerous possibilities and observations as to how I have gotten sick AGAIN. I've narrowed it down to a few possibilities. And they are as follows...

1. The majority of my free time has been spent at Jameson Memorial Hospital visiting gram. Although, she used to be on the rehabilitation unit, it is still necessary that one must travel through 8 gazillion hallways to get there, touching doorknobs, handles, etc... (and side note, I can leave out buttons on an elevator because I gave those up for lent because everytime I get on one, something happens or someone else in the elevator whom works there says "hmmm...this elevator shouldn't be acting like this," and at this point I push aside every sick and dead person to get out of the damn elevator). This is a great possibility. But let's back track.

2. I do spend an hour a day in a school setting. Those gross, sickly children are all infested with 8 gazillion germs on top of the 9 gazillion we as humans already have. There I have to touch doorknobs, pens, papers, etc. of those gross, sickly children and they sit within three inches of my very being. Did that student cough in my face yesterday? I believe she did. Rotten child. But when I leave the school, I tend to go to the mac machine - wait just a darn minute there ... another possibility.

3. At the MAC machine, approximately 80 some people have already sneezed, wiped a boogie, etc... and then withdrew funds from their account (probably to pay the enormous co-pay at a doctor's office because they are so sick... I love ya George W. Bush, but can we do something about this insurance situation?)

4. I take money out of the MAC machine too. I need to go to the doctor, after all, all of these possible scenarios have led me to the indulged, tiring, i'd-like-to-kill-myself-but-im-too-busy-to-do-even-that sickness. So I go to the doctor and use the same damn pen that the 70 yr. old woman has just hacked on while signing herself in. And then I pay my 8 million dollar co-pay with the germ-infiltrated money I received from the MAC machine that the sick teller at the bank probably placed in the machine on her own.

5. Then I come back to work. I insist on eating a million and one times a day, so I go down to the vending machines, that every juror, convict, escapee, fellow co-worker, whom I am sure came down with something from their child or....whatever and push those buttons on the four vending machines (because we all know that I eat from each, yes, I eat out of all four vending machines).

These are all very good possibilities as to why I couldn't stop sniffiling last night in class, why I woke up at least three times last night, with a mouth and throat full of mucus (sorry, I know, ewe), and sneezed a gazillion, million times while getting ready. These are possibilities as to why I have had to take a allergy pill, cold pill, and advil all within four or so hours of themselves. And these are also possibilities as to why I am in a horrible mood and will probably rip off anybody's face who crosses my path today. Beware of the dog. Enter with caution.
~ A Sick Career Woman

Ladder 49 and Foreign Insurance People

2005-03-15T09:34:00.000-08:00

What a title, eh? Well I decided that I had two things to talk about today. The first is probably the best movie ever. Ladder 49. Best. Movie. Ever. Pumpkinface and I rented it yesterday after the hospital. I had to leave work early, because they decided that a stroke just wasn't enough for my grandmother and that "oh yeah, let's operate because we found a bowel obstruction too." So, they had to do emergency surgery - Thank the Lord everything came out okay, and Eddie and I decided to have a mellow night at home in front of the telly. So we went and rented Ladder 49. As I said previously.... Best. Movie. Ever. (Oh and we also bought some tubs of ice cream to snack on while we watched our movies).

A little synopsis is that this movie is based on a true story of a fire department out of Baltimore City (haha I think). Joaquin Phoenix (yowza) plays Jack Morrison, the rookie fireman for Ladder 49. The chief of the fire department people, squad, whatever is played by John Travolta (double yowza). Jack Morrison gets married, has kids, and puts himself in like, a million and one dangerous situations and I wont give away the ending because I am ordering all of you to go rent the movie now. Come on. Go-Rent-The-Movie. (And pick up The Notebook too - mmm lovely).

Now, on to the "bleep bleep bleepin' bleep foreign insurance people." I hate them with a burning, incinerating passion (im going with this firefighter thing). I am having some problems with my insurance company. I switched insurances in January because I changed jobs and got new, "better" insurance. I was covered by my new insurance in January, and had a doctor's appointment in February. I just received a letter from my doctor's office saying that my insurance does not cover me until March. Ummmm...no, I do not think so. So they put my claim into my old insurance. These people are dumb. So I had to call the old insurance and see why it was sent there first.

First off, why do foreign people who work at insurance companies speak so softly. Like little sweet old women, only they are definately chinese, swedish, norwegian, or whatever and they are men. That is right. They are men and should speak loud, and manly. But they did not and they do not. I have never once been able to understand anyone that I speak to from an insurance company when I have an inquiry. However, that is only if I can figure out how to speak to a person rather than a damn automated response. I hate robots! People, people. Please use people to help us. Robots do not understand. Maybe they have just run out of foreign people and that is why they use robots, because they can't find anybody harder to understand than the ones they already have working there.

So after 15 minutes, yes I did say 15 minutes, I finally get through to a person. He speaks in his gentle whisper. I don't want a lullaby people, I want you to tell me what the piss is the problem with my insurance! So, you all guessed it. He can't help. I need to call the school who had insured me. Great, another 15 minutes or so with another automated response. I said "screw that," and I was going to call human resources downstairs at my current place of employment. I like to talk to them anyways because they love my hair and complement my beauty. They think I'm pretty too. :) They are so helpful. God bless human resources. That lovely Helen, gave me the number to call absolutely, wonderful Priscilla. Absolutely, wonderful Priscilla, helped me out just perfectly. My card is all wrong and I am insured. (Thank Jesus), and all I had to do was call my doctor's office back and tell them just to send the claim to my insurance and that I am covered. Lovely. Wonderful. Brilliant.

2005-03-15T06:24:00.000-08:00

Bella with some tickets

2005-03-15T06:22:00.000-08:00

Sophia eating the RIGHT pizza